Posted by Thrud on June 1, 2001, at 9:27:15
In reply to Re: DYING?, posted by elderweissblue on May 29, 2001, at 18:14:12
Hi Elderweissblue.
I can relate to much of what you are saying. On paper I seem fairly similar to you: 32, SINGLE, unfulfilling yet demanding job. Don't think that everyone on this board has a cherry life; it is for people with mental illness you know! :-) And that includes me.
When I went through periods of disconnection and hopelessness (I suffer chronic anxiety and depresion)it was usually from three circumstances: 1) I was unmedicated, 2)I was adjusting to a new medication or 3) the medication was not right for me. So I guess for me it is a question of finding the right medication. After 10 years I have only been partially successful, but that is no excuse to stop trying. I don't know your diagnosis, but if you suffer a psychosis, there are several newer "atypical" drugs which are apparently pretty good. You may find that one of them suits you, if you can withstand the strain of changing medications regularly until that happens.
I think Celexa is an SSRI and this class of drug may suit you. If Celexa doesn't work, I recommend trying a different class of antidepressant rather than another SSRI. It has been my personal experience that for different drugs in the same class you might gain a little here, lose a little there, but on the whole are fairly similar. I found this espescially true of the SSRIs (and I have used a lot of them). One thing that concerns me a bit about using an SSRI for you is that they have a tendency to flatten emotions in many people, myself included. I was unable to experience much joy on SSRIs, I was not depressed either, more neutral and apathetic. I thought it was untreated depression until I heard that so many other people felt the same. I am now taking an SSNRI called Remeron and my full (normal?) range of emotions has returned. It seems to me that you need (and deserve) to experience full emotional range again,especially joy. Having said this, everyone is different and Celexa may be great for you. Give it a try.
Don't beat yourself up over suffering mental illness. The truth is you didn't ask for or deserve it. None of us asked for the hand of cards we were dealt, we just have to play them as best we can. Many of us with mental illness don't get a 'happy ever after' ending, but sometimes it's the journey that matters, not the destination...if you know what I mean..(?).
Sorry about getting all philosophical, but this is the social babble board, so I thought I would babble on.
Best of luck and let us know how you are going.Thrud
poster:Thrud
thread:6213
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010526/msgs/6252.html