Posted by Adam on November 21, 2000, at 19:13:44
This isn't actually for me, but this is a great source of info, so I thought I'd ask here on another's behalf.
My girlfriend works for a small non-profit. As long as she has been there, there has been another individual who, to put it mildly, fomented unrest among the employees whenever possible, and made her life quite difficult as soon as she assumed a position of authority in the company. Her feeling was that he deeply resented being overlooked for a promotion, saw her as an upstart, and did anything he could to erode her reputation among his peers in the organization. What was especially troubling was his tendancy to simply lie to people when it suited him. He fabricated or distorted numerous stories about real or perceived slights by her, her supposed incompetance, etc. Of course, she only found out about these things long after the fact, and after considerable damage had been done.
At any rate, things steadily declined until, after being denied by the senior manager a promotion and a substantial raise, he resigned. He later contacted numerous members of the board of trustees who oversee the non-profit, attempting to portray his resignation as something he was more-or-less compelled to do, and in general, was just a major pain in the ass. He even began to backpedal, as this tactic appeared to be failing, claiming he would be willing to renegotiate his raise under certain conditions. This is after handing in the signed letter saying he wanted to quit.
Quite some time ago, my girlfriend told me of an extremely uncomfortable night she spent driving him home from a meeting. This person is convinced he is a faith healer and has profound involvement in a small church, I assume something like (or actually) a Pentacostal sect, since charismatic worship is a big part of the ceremony. Anyway, during this drive he revealed how much the Lord helped him with his emotional troubles, how difficult his childhood in a totally dysfunctional family was, and how, at times, he cut himself because of the pain.
I thought immediately: Borderline personality disorder. I had seriously considered before that the guy might just be psychotic or in some other way pathologically antisocial, but this just seemed too much like stuff I read in books, in light of the cutting revelation, to not consider b.p.d.
So, days before the resignation is a fait accompli, he calls to say he is in the hospital. Literally last night, before we knew of the news, I reiterated to her that I thought he was borderline, and that there would probably be trouble of some sort before he left. It would be his pattern anyway, regardless of diagnosis. Now he's hospitalized, and no one knows quite why. He's got a wife (yes, I'm amazed too) who is unemployed and sick herself with something. She's about to go over the deep end. He, I'm guessing, probably attempted suicide, quite likely in a way designed to fail. I am wondering (and I feel a bit horrible for wondering, but I can't help it) if this isn't a very sick ploy of his to manipulate everyone around him so that he can reverse whatever it is that he's done to himself. He quit on his own. He's thus not eligible for unemployment. His wife's unemployed and obviously deeply troubled. He's in deep shit, I'm thinking. He's desperate. His gamesmanship, only remotely successful up to now because he works in a place that has so little corporate structure, finally blew up in his face.
I'll make no secret of this: I am rather inclined to hate this guy's guts because of the grief he has caused my girlfriend. And yet...
The thing is, I also have read that people who suffer in this manner are tormented to the extreme. I have sampled a bit of that torment myself, and am not a stranger to the inside of a psyche ward (where I'm assuming he is) though I am not, myself, a borderline patient by any means. Her boss has, well let's not mince words, little or no spine. I told her, as the final day of departure approached, to speak to her boss in confidence about the cutting revelations, dress up my suspicions as advice from "a friend in the know", to hold the guy inexorably to the resignation and change the locks after he left. Wash their hands and be done with him.
Now he's hospitalized, with tomorrow his last official day. My g.f.'s boss is distraught. He can't handle these things (oh, the joys of non-profit organizations). My instinct says, to her, take charge. Put the poor ex-employees stuff in a box and send it to his house with your condolences. Change the locks. Don't invite him back. Don't do anything else. Walk away as clean as possible. If he shows up on their doorstep, call the damn police. I want to explode. I'm deathly afraid her boss is going to buckle under the pressure of thinking he's ruined an infirm man's life and ask him back, and the troubles will just continue forever. I personally think she should just run screaming from the place and never go back anyway, but that's beside the point. She's second in command, with, if it can be called that, a lot of influence. I have no stake in this organization except her wellbeing. I want very badly to pressure her to pressure her boss to make sure the ejector seat, which the trouble'd ex-employee triggered himself, works like a charm and plants him somewhere far away. And yet...
I feel like a heartless bastard at times. This man's a human being with, like as not, serious, serious problems. God only knows what he might do to himself, or what will become of him and his wife once his income is cut off. What's the really right thing to do? What's the best for all concerned. Again my instincts tell me, whatever unfortunate circumstances have propelled this man to where he is now, he won't be helped this time by a another second chance. He's got bigger issues than his boss can deal with, and it's best he just move on, and we can all just hope he gets the help he needs. But of course, how convenient that position is, since I half the time wish he'd take a long walk off a short pier.
I'm sorry for this longwinded monologue. But, as weird as this sounds (and seems to myself), I, not being someone with anywhere near professional credentials as a mental-health professional, might, through my influence on and desire to protect one of his superiors, have a bit to do with what happens to this man in the near future. I could just butt out entirely, but I rather feel this explosive need to say "For GAWDSAKES whatever you do, don't hire this guy back." The problem: My girlfriend is about as kindhearted as they come. She's a stronger person by far than her boss, but she's got a few soft spots herself. I don't want her to do something that might jeopardize her safety or mental wellbeing. Or, perhaps more likely, I don't want her to do nothing and miss an opportuinity to take a stand and prevent the above.
Quite literally yesterday we both returned, incommunicado up to that point, from a very enjoyable little trip to New York City. What a drag to come home to this seeming disaster. You know, I guess this is for me after all. So, what do you think?
Adam
poster:Adam
thread:3090
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001117/msgs/3090.html