Posted by Dr. Bob on March 11, 2014, at 9:56:32
In reply to Re: He's not dying » Twinleaf, posted by Dinah Seeks Support on March 10, 2014, at 19:28:32
Hi, everyone,
Dinah, I'm glad Babble is still here for you. (I am, too.)
Anger and hurt is one thing. Feeling negligible is another. I'm reminded of when I went AWOL here. Maybe even more disturbing than hearing from an impersonal note was not hearing anything.
Bob
--
> Obviously something is very wrong with someone I care about a lot, but I don't know what.
>
> I think I'm just finished, and am determined not to care about anyone ever again outside my immediate family.
>
> Dinah> I can't imagine anything more disturbing that hearing from an impersonal note that my therapist, whom I have seen for many years, and who is one of the most trusted people in my life has suddenly, inexplicably and possibly disastrously disappeared.
>
> Willful> I wanted to talk with people who would understand
>
> It just isn't worth it. I wish I could do the last twenty years over again.
>
> Dinah> I feel like I did when Daddy died. As if I'm breathing out pain.
>
> Dinah> The simple truth is that I mean no more to him than client #2182. ... I am destined to care more than I am cared for.
>
> Dinah> We all missed you, Dinah.
>
> Partlycloudy> Thank you, everyone. I knew you would understand.
>
> Dinah> Dinah, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive him a little after time.
>
> It will be better for your heart if you do-- bitterness is something I've experienced and it takes a lot of work to undo it once you've fallen into it-- I'm working on it myself and it does have a strong hold-- so try not to let it take over-- You're a fighter and you can be strong and loving enough to see through the incredibly disappointing and failed therapist to the person beneath-- We don;t know about his life, his childhood, the failings of maturation or growth that have left him so vulnerable to fear-- and so prone to running away-- leaving others to cope alone.
>
> But whatever it is, he's human, all too human-- and deserves compassion most when he's done so wrongly-- I'm sure in his heart he knows-- that you deserved better.
>
> Willful> Just because someone isn't part of your personal life doesn't mean you should treat them as negligible.
>
> Dinah> If it's eventually possible to go back, and you give it a try, you might still find the therapist you liked and connected with. Anger and hurt doesn't last forever. It would be wonderful to be able to leave, taking the good things with you.
>
> Twinleaf> Something about the way she answered allowed me to create an entire believable scenario that suits my mind quite well. Even if I've made it entirely up, it makes me feel less rejected.
>
> He may be flawed as a therapist-mommy, but I didn't want to think he was dying. He may have hurt me over and over again, but I do dearly love him.
>
> This might be the giddy relief to hear he's not dying, and I may feel bitter in an hour or two. I seriously doubt I'll ever hear from him to schedule another session. No matter what, I've lost a relationship that meant a lot to me. That's something I'll probably grieve for a very long time.
>
> Dinaha brilliant and reticent Web mastermind -- The New York Times
backpedals well -- PartlyCloudy
poster:Dr. Bob
thread:1062006
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20140310/msgs/1062256.html