Posted by Dinah on February 6, 2013, at 23:39:23
In reply to falling in love with someone online, posted by Dr. Bob on February 2, 2013, at 22:03:31
It's a rather negative point of view you're giving. I don't see why it would be considered such an odd thing. Certainly there can be scammers. But I don't see that in person mating is free from perils. In some ways it is likely safer.
For people who are comfortable with written expression, online communications can lead to intimacy that is far harder to achieve face to face. As people on babble have discovered, it is very easy to open yourself up to people you don't actually have to look in the eye.
In some ways it may even hark back to a more innocent time of letter writing and pen pals. You can fall in love with someone without actually seeing them, because you fall in love with who they really are. Not with a collection of pleasing or displeasing physical features. Someone who might not have appealed on a purely visual level can be surprisingly attractive once you know what they're like on the inside. Just as in the best marriages, a spouse can be beautiful no matter what time and experience has done to the physical self.
Moreover, no matter how many church activities (or bars) you go to, and no matter how many people you work with, or charities or hobby groups you spend time with, there's a limit to how many people you actually meet. Online there is no limit at all. You might just meet someone with a love of 17th century French poetry and skateboarding and the precise sort of humor you find delightful that you would have been hard pressed to find in the more limited social circle in your immediate area.
I don't understand what the issue is. No matter how you meet someone, there is a time of getting to know each other better. If some of the getting to know each other is done before physical contact, I don't see the issue really. I wouldn't advise people *marry* without meeting, and continuing the process of weighing whether the person you "love" is someone you can stand waking up next to for the rest of your life, or being the ideal parent for your children. But overall, it might be best to do some of the preliminary study in a way less influenced by hormones than were one to meet, for example, on an inebriated and scantily garbed vacation for Mardi Gras.
People, especially researchers, should have less of a bias.
poster:Dinah
thread:1037180
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20120922/msgs/1037564.html