Posted by ClearSkies on September 27, 2007, at 15:17:55
In reply to Re: Getting closer to the heart of the issues? » Dinah, posted by ClearSkies on September 26, 2007, at 19:53:04
And I'll link to it properly: "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans. It's one of those books that my T recommends over and over again to her clients. It took me over a year to get to the end of it, and it was tough for me, I'll admit it.
What my T is saying now is that I'm feeling the PTSD effects from the 18 years of abuse, which, of course, makes sense. that's a long time to have a daily dose of *anything* thrown at you without having some after effects felt. So, once again, she's telling me to "be gentle" with myself. Didn't like me using that Loser word, and neither did I, though it sure left like a well worn shoe, a perfect fit.
But I'm glad she asked me to stick with the book and get to the end of it because part of what I'm struggling with now is the lack of resolution that I've had - that I never heard the abuser tell me he was sorry, or wrong, or even admit that he'd done anything. It made me think for the longest time that I MUST have imagined some of this stuff, or that it wasn't as bad as I remembered. Or he would have said so, right? (You all can stop rolling your eyes any time now.)
But I read enough into the book to realize that with his upbringing, and the compulsive need to dominate and feel superior to me made the abuse an almost inevitable part of our relationship. It really is all he's ever known, from what I know of his family. So I think I can let out my breath and stop waiting for that particular apology to come forth.
So I feel a little better today, and I think I'm going to read the book all the way through again, when I get back from vacation.
CS
poster:ClearSkies
thread:785318
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070916/msgs/785534.html