Posted by B2chica on September 24, 2007, at 13:01:04
In reply to Re: i'm gonna puke » B2chica, posted by Dory on September 24, 2007, at 10:04:44
awww (((((dory)))))
i understand about your 'sides', not liking each other.
my little one is scared of my 'teen', and teen wants little one to die-thinks she's stupid and crybaby.
then 'I' hate both of them for even being around, and start to wonder why i'm even still alive....it's a TERRIBLE snowball of self-hate.
but i think i learned to hate myself at such an early age...old habits die hard right?
-but this too is something that needs to be worked on. to accept these sides, and that these sides are all pieces...LEGITAMATE pieces of you that deserve love and respect and understanding.and ooooohhhhh do i understand about the 'pretender' inside. i think everyone does this to a degree. but i think it can get more exhausting for us, since we sometimes 'pretend' even with ourselves.
>>"i know what i need for that to happen... and i told him that. He did think it would be useful to do. But i also told him that i can't ask for what i need, i can't ask for what needs to be there to set the stage. i am too afraid, too ashamed.. rejected, not heard, can't, frightened. no no no. hide. away. no."
A-HA!!! but you TOLD him THAT! GOOD JOB!
that is SUCH a great first step!
once you tell him you can't ask...sometimes T's learn to ask or probe to find out what you need. and soon Dory you WILL be able to tell him what you need....
sometimes i will say it like i'm reading a report :) ..."i want to tell you i need xx, but i don't want you to know it"....so it's out but i didn't actually tell them i needed ANYTHING...:)
and Honestly, lately when 'I' can't tell T something...that's when littleone will come out and blurt it out...she's becoming better at that.And you know dory...i wish i could contact your T for you...i'd tell him what you just said, what you need. that way he'd know and you wouldn't have to say Anything!...i wish i could do that for you Dory.
but...maybe as a suggestion, could you just pick one thing and ask for that one? like maybe with your needing him closer to tell him, it helps if he were closer so you didn't have to say things loud (hehe or just start talking softer, maybe he will naturally move closer?? :^) of course if you do flat out ask him to be closer, be prepared for the typical T answering a question with a question...."so B2, why do you feel you need me to be closer?" and just so you know, this is NOT a rejection. but it must help them figure things out cuz they always do it...you can tell him truth of why...if you don't knwo why, tell him the room feels SO big and you need to feel more secure or that you don't want to say things loud...therefore he needs to be closer, or that if he were closer you would feel that he were more gentle.BUT don't worry if you can't ask for this right now...this ALL comes in time. a comfort level, a trust level. and a time will come that your body will just blurt stuff out cuz you just can't keep it inside anymore.
although i do advise you to not Wait for that...it should come out at a slow pace, one that YOU set. it can be dangerous if it explodes all at once...at least it was for me.and DORY do know that you are on a Very good path right now.
this all takes time...i mean,all my crud started coming out after i hit 30...so it took about 25 years to build. when i think i've been in therapy for two 1/2 years and get frustrated i think...ya, but it took 25 years to build, i can't expect it to disappear in one year!
so just remember that you are working hard, and even if it doesn't feel like it, you are making Great strides for yourself.
Dory deserves it!!take care dear dory...
have a good session.
b2c.
poster:B2chica
thread:784800
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070916/msgs/784856.html