Posted by JoniS on August 31, 2007, at 9:15:07
In reply to Forced Termination and Hatred *Trigger SI*, posted by ForeverWounded on August 31, 2007, at 5:27:36
ForeverWounded
Your post was heart-wrenching. I have not experienced your situation before, but I believe I understand the feelings you are describing.
I hope that you will get some responses from Babblers that have had similar experiences and they can help.
I just want to pass on a couple of thoughts: I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to say all those things you said in your post to your T. I am assuming he can take it, that is what he is trained to do. And further, of course, he is trained to help you work through these feelings. I am surprised that he did not set a much longer transition period for you. I believe that if you don't express the depth of your pain and anger to him, you will hurt yourself and your growth even more than the termination itself.
I really believe that you would greatly benefit from finding another T, even if they are not the "perfect" long-term fit. TRUST and ABANDONMENT are 2 things that "yell out" from your post. So...help yourself by trusting again, right away. Walk right through the pain and resolve to learn from this and to "hold on" to all the good things that came from your therapy experience.
The intricacies of your relationship and the church and all that these things mean to you - make it crucial, I think, to be able to continue to work with someone on this.
If you can express the feelings of hate, and hurt and all that "stuff" for a time, but then realize that the next stage needs to come along, you can turn this into something positive for yourself, although I'm sure that's unthinkable right now. Please realize, eventually that hate and bitterness hurts absolutely no one else but you, and you are worth it to take care of yourself and grow beyond that...eventually.
One last thought is that your T has no personal desire to hurt you. He may have numerous reasons for making this choice that he does not admit to anyone else - myabe therapy is just too hard for him, or too painful, or too draining, or ... who knows. But he does not mean to hurt you so badly. I'm not making excuses for him or trying to justify how he is handling this, I just wanted to point out that it is not personal.
I hope for healing, peace and growth for you.
Take care of yourselfJoni
poster:JoniS
thread:779897
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070822/msgs/779926.html