Posted by Daisym on September 25, 2006, at 22:58:29
In reply to Re: I Need some help, but be gentle... » daisym, posted by Dinah on September 25, 2006, at 22:00:04
I think about you often around this situation, Dinah. It is different, no loss of homes involved, but still, you are right, reality is intruding. The thing is, this isn't something I should know. It isn't bad, in fact it is really sad, but it is none of my business. But I'm so attuned to him and narcassistic enough to assume it is "all about me" that he needed to clear up that part. And the not being as available in reality means it might take him longer to call me back. I said I wouldn't call if I didn't really need him - and he continues to say, "if you call, you must really need me." And I've put a fair amount of that stuff away.
I moved the rest of my stuff out of our home on Saturday. That was pretty painful. My husband has been seeing a woman for a few weeks now (we've been separated 5 months) so I feel a little kicked in the stomach. He freely shares that she is everything I'm not, including thin and fun. He knows exactly the right thing to say to hurt me the most - weight would be one of those. I keep wondering if this is contributing to how alone I feel in therapy. My therapist has been nothing but supportive of this move but perhaps there are feelings tangled up in there...who knows?
And two weeks ago I told a story in therapy and this whole other memory popped out, stuff I had no intention of telling him. Ever. So I was really upset and spaced out after that session. And it was a Thursday so I had to hold all these worries to myself for three days.
I managed to tell him today that I'm "this far" from falling apart -- too much work, too much husband crap, too much kid sadness and too much internal conflict. So I desperately wanted to fix all this between us, but I just don't know how. He said we just keep talking about it. But for once, I have no words.
I appreciate though you reminding me that you have fought hard and worked your way back to the connection. I hope I find my way too.
poster:Daisym
thread:689207
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/689267.html