Posted by wishingstar on September 15, 2006, at 12:53:00
In reply to nevermind this... i called her, posted by wishingstar on September 15, 2006, at 10:31:32
I talked to Anne. She called me back. She said she didnt remember saying that and she apologized a couple times. She said she'd talked to Randy, the director of partial, and that him and I were going to talk on Monday about what I want to do with therapy since her and I have been up and down for awhile. She kept saying "well just wait and talk to randy.." and I finally said I felt like I was being set up for something that they were in on and I wasnt. Her response was that she just doesnt think theres any way she can make me trust her.
It didnt hit me at the moment, but 5 minutes later it did. I know what I'm being set up for. Being dropped. She doesnt know what to do with me and she's getting rid of me, but Randy is doing the dirty work of convicing me it's the right thing to do so it feels like partially my decision, rather than her just forcing the seperation.
I'm not tricked.
I called her back, left another message. Asked if that is what's happening. Told her I'd really, really rather hear it from her than from Randy if that is the case.
I thought some more and 5 min later called back a third time today. I'm sure she loves me for that. Told her, through tears, that I made my decision and I'm not coming back. The tears havent stopped since. I know what I'm being set up for it and it's just the best if I dont come back. I always end my phone messages with "talk to you later" and I said that automativcally, then added an "or not" on the end.
I know that is whats coming whether I wait until Monday or accept it now. She said on the phone today that she doesnt hate me, but I think she does. She doesnt know what to do with me. So it's over. I wont see her anymore.
I called Laurie and told her that I'm not seeing anne anymore and that I'd call her later next week to maybe schedule with her (laurie) again. Or maybe I'll get a new person althogether. Or maybe I'll jump off a bridge. (Not a genuine threat, but it's very much what I want to do).
This is so, so hard. I told Randy... if I could quit therapy with anne in a way that made me feel like she didnt hate me, not in a way that feels like this... so painful.. it'd be so much easier. I can accept that our styles arent the same. But this is so, so hard. I just wanted her to be reliable and care about me. Why wouldnt she just do it?
poster:wishingstar
thread:686074
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/686219.html