Posted by muffled on August 24, 2006, at 0:22:49
My latest arrival on my inside scene I will call NK. (newkid)
She's proly been around, I just didn't know it?
Dunno.
She was SO upset when my T said something, but I can't even say it cuz I scared she might freak again.
But I got say it, cuz I don't want to be a wimp.
All she said was in response to my fax asking her if she KNEW evil. And she asked me, do YOU know...
And BAM, kid was there and freaking entirely.
I pushed it down, but my whole body was shaking like I was cold. But I tend to jiggle and squirm so much at the best of times, I don't think my T noticed.
So I went to bathroom to try and calm down.
But I couldn't. And I went back, and she was talking and I just couldn't do it and I ran away.
I went to forest and rocked and kept saying 'its ok, its ok' over and over.
And after awhile I stopped shaking.
And then the NK was happy I think cuz Ikid was wanting to play with her.
Go figger.
It was all so strange.
Then I left a message on my T's voicemail to say sorry and that I was OK.
And idiot that I am, I was kinda annoyed when she left voicemail on my phone and says 'I know your ok, and the kid is ok'. Well how the hell does she know THAT?
Anyhow, I did send her a fax after to say sorta what happened. And she did phone me back to say thank-you for the fax.
I think she got something going on in her own life right now. Dunno what, but something. Cuz its like she not all there. But that also could just be me ....
I get so confused bout stuff.
So,
there's something festering, but I not gonna think bout it.
And I think my T said the week b4, that she would be away THIS comming week. But we never got a chance to remind me cuz I left so abruptly. And we never got to say bout making appt. for following week.
So I dunno whats happening.....
I'm so stupid.
I'm getting really pissed at my T, but I think its because I WANT to be pissed at her so I don't get too close. Cuz I already too close, and she knows too much.
And I fear a nasty fax is comming on, and if she already got probs, she don't need more sh*t from me.
But I so freaked and I scared of whats inside and my protector wants to protect me, and cuz I scared, I WANT my protector to protect me. Even if its wrong and does stupid things.
This is so long.
Shows the state of my confusion.
Thanks for listening.
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:679536
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060808/msgs/679536.html