Posted by Tamar on August 12, 2006, at 19:28:03
In reply to Ugh. I'm feeling needy, posted by Racer on August 12, 2006, at 18:38:57
Gosh, it sounds like you’re having a frustrating time.
Did I understand correctly – is Mr X your husband? So the person you had a fight with this morning (which led to your skipping breakfast) is the same person who is napping on the sofa while you clean stuff? And meanwhile you’re dealing with the anxiety of studying for a test?
I think you’re much more patient than I am. If I were in your position I would probably be having a major tantrum and it would be impossible for anyone to nap through it. It might not help, but I’d probably be doing it anyway.
I think there are perhaps two issues here: one is your emotional frame of mind, and the other is your sense of priorities. Is it very important for you that the place is clean and the laundry is done? Can you leave the housework until Tuesday? Or – even better – ask your husband to do it? I think if you’re feeling stressed about the test you might feel more comfortable prioritising the studying rather than the cleaning, but of course if you really like things clean you might not be able to study until it’s done.
Also, I know feeling needy can be uncomfortable, but it sounds to me as if you really do *need* validation. I think you *need* your husband to say something like, “I can understand why you felt hurt. I didn’t mean to hurt you and I’m sorry. And I’m sure you’re anxious about your test on Monday. I’ll try to support you the way you need me to.”
Of course, partners can sometimes be insensitive and lacking in inspiration when it comes to validating. Would it work if you were able to ask your husband directly for what you want – sympathy, a hug, or whatever?
> Ah, going back to the "going limp" piece, I guess. It's so hard to keep studying with all the stresses I'm feeling, and I want to drop the class. It's only four more days in class -- the final is Thursday. I can't do it.
You *can* do it. You’re nearly there. Don’t sabotage yourself, eh? Is there anything else you can drop for a week? I know dropping things can be stressful too, because you know you’ll have to pick them up again, but when you’re feeling overwhelmed it makes sense to postpone things or rearrange things. How reasonable are your expectations of yourself?
> Someone slap me, see if that helps.
I don’t want to slap you! I want to say comforting things to you. I want to encourage you and send you good vibes. I hope you find a way to get what you need from your husband.
poster:Tamar
thread:675894
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060808/msgs/675901.html