Posted by cloudydaze on July 19, 2006, at 18:16:04
In reply to Re: child abuse - *warning* giving up? » Poet, posted by frida on July 9, 2006, at 13:02:18
Not meaning to highjack this thread at all, but some of the things said here hit close to home.
I've just realized that one of my biggest fears (other than failure) is losing control, and one of the biggest ways for me to lose control is to cry in front of others.
I have cried in front of teachers, when they give me unfair grades or criticism, and to me, that is the ultimate defeat. I cried in front of the doctor when he told me i need to lose weight. I hate to cry in front of people, especially teachers, employers, and other professional situations. It makes me feel so weak.
I think this is because I have tried *so hard* not to show my feelings and emotional instability to anyone. I want, no, I NEED to appear strong, or I will never have a career. Who wants a designer who cries when you say you don't like her work? Rejection happens, but I can't deal with it well yet.
So, when I cry, I am defeated, or I feel that way. I think the reason I really haven't had a *real* job yet is because I'm afraid of my unruly emotions. I'm afraid I wont be able to keep my composure. The thought is scarier than death to me.
Sorry for getting off subject...
I was abused by someone close to me when I was young. I didn't talk about it for a long time, and I still haven't talked much. When I went for therapy at the Women's Center, I was given a journal to write in. My Therapist read the journal, (which was mostly poetry) and then asked me questions about it. I found this to be an easier way of comunicating than just talking.
Another option would be to use a tape recorder to record your thoughts, and then take that to your therapist. Once she knows what went on in your life, it may be easier for her to understand whats happening now. It may never have to be brought up again at length, once you've told her your story.
Talking about abuse is very, very hard, and an emotional process. Someday you may get tired of keeping it all inside of you.
Good luck
poster:cloudydaze
thread:664899
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060703/msgs/668355.html