Posted by ElaineM on July 7, 2006, at 16:42:23
In reply to therapy with a family member?, posted by sunnydays on July 6, 2006, at 21:38:27
Hi Sunnydays: I've done two sessions with my parents, and I've done three family sessions. Holy cr@p, I was very very scared. I never usually talk to my parents (or look them in the eye for that matter) so I felt weird about them hearing me speak "therapy honesty". Plus, my parents are the type of people who "don't believe in therapy", and think "feelings" are a bunch of garbage.
I don't think they would've agreed to come if I hadn't been so sick with my ED. Not to discourage you but my own personal experience did not go well at all. The facilitators actually said to not have them back in anymore - that it was too counterproductive. I think there was way too much hate and anger and pride. (But then, I've never had one since I've been "recovered". The whole process could've been tainted, for my family, by the specific mental illness I had. They always viewed anorexia as some sort of accusation, or personal criticism.) The thing that seemed to make the after-effects even worse was that we all saw eachother crying! (That never happens) ANd I guess the embarrassment of that made them even angrier when it was all over.
During it, my T, and the facilitators, were extra diplomatic, and used even more of their T-like talk. The good thing though is that your T is having the family session to bring some sort of benefit to you. Because my T knew all of my concerns and feelings and history, going into the sessions, I could feel her "keeping an eye out for me" the whole time. She was very on top of not letting stuff get out of hand, and trying to generate honest answers on the part of my family. THe whole time she was verbally encouraging me (you know how you can recognize their little, characteristic prods) to take risks, and give more open answers. She was always de-compressing all the loaded words we all used - trying to not let someone get attacked (even my parents). It was like having a translator. Sometimes just having your T with you, gives you the courage to show emotions you would normally keep hidden from others in your life. She got to see the interactions first-hand. See some of the interpersonal relationships that I had been talking about for months and months.
And afterwards, my T always did a "de-briefing" with me right away. To calm me down, or stop the tears, or allay some guilt, and then to congratulate me on getting through.
It didn't work for me, but I know from the other patients that they thought that the family sessions were so incredibly helpful. They said that afterwards, it was like their mother/father knew more where they were coming from -- that it made it easier for their parents to show tolerance, or compassion, or love more openly. I mean, family sessions aren't miracle-like things, but they seem to be useful for most. (that's why they urged us to have them so often) And even though mine didn't work out as I had planned in my head, my T and I got alot of new information for us to go over, and work with.
I don't know about your family history, or relationships with your parents, but your T would probably have some thoughts about how one could be like for you.
It'll be hard to decide either way.Good luck, ELaine
poster:ElaineM
thread:664672
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060703/msgs/664939.html