Posted by gardenergirl on May 3, 2006, at 23:23:52
In reply to Re: I'm feeling suicidal at night, not so bad during » Dinah, posted by fairywings on May 3, 2006, at 22:36:28
Hi Dinah,
I was getting a bit worried about you, since you hadn't posted much recently. I'm glad you checked in. I wish that I could ease your pain or offer some words of comfort right now, but I'm not sure what to say. You've been placed in a horrible situation through no fault of your own, and any decision you make is going to have good and bad elements to it.It kind of seems like with your T, you've been experiencing a "long goodbye". It's been sort of "on the table" for awhile now, it seems. I would guess that might lead to dealing with grief over the potential loss repeatedly during the waiting period. That's very hard.
And I know you care for your son a great deal and want to protect him from any harm. I don't know him, but I do know that kids can be more resilient than we think they are a lot of the time. And I know you are a good mother who listens to, validates, comforts, and loves her child. Perhaps the nights are the worst, in part, because you are less focused on helping him and dealing with all the associated stresses. Once that quiets down for the day, it's harder to distract yourself from your grief, perhaps?
Not that I have an answer for you about it, other than to honor your feelings, practice good self care as much as you can, and try to be gentle with yourself.
(((((Dinah)))))
Also, I have found many blessings in disguise in my life, so I know they are out there. I hope that you find them in this in time.
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:639587
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060422/msgs/639817.html