Posted by ElaineM on April 28, 2006, at 20:43:08
In reply to Feel like talking to my first T, posted by orchid on April 28, 2006, at 16:57:25
Hi, I'm still kinda new here, but I know exactly what you mean about needing to contact your first T. It had been a year since I had terminated with my first T. Then I went through some really bad personal stuff and felt like I had to hear from him (although I'm seeing T2) to keep sane. I found his email address online and sent a small message. I started doing this kinda regularly (every two weeks or so) and his reponses suddenly stopped. He would just not respond, and it made me feel as though he never cared about me in the first place.
So I decided to write once more before I gave up -- losing one of the few people I had ever known to listen to me. I explained in the email that I knew I was putting him in an awkward position professionally (since I was supposed to be working with T2). I said that I had no secret plans of wanting to reconnect like before, but that it was important to me to know that our "relationship" had meant something, and that "caring" (though not always tangible) did not have to be impermanent. I said his occasional responses to me would help me keep faith in the therapy process. And I also said I would not be frivolous with my contacting him.
He finally responded, and even said that if knowing he was there in times of distress helped, then he would always respond (even if only a few sentences, and maybe not right away). So, if giving it one more try is something you would like to do then maybe you could let your T know specifically what you hope for and your expectations in having occasional email contact.
I was always most saddened by the idea that the abandonment I sensed because of his email rejection overshadowed all the comforting memories I had had of him before we terminated.
Anyways, keep updating if you try again. Good luck.
Elaine
poster:ElaineM
thread:637903
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060422/msgs/637958.html