Posted by LadyBug on December 18, 2005, at 13:52:37
I have an appointment on Thurs. this week and I feel like canceling it. I'm feeling sad, depressed, overwhelmed with the holidays, and I suffer with cronic pain. I can't seem to get on top of the pain going on. I won't take narcotics. I'm in the middle of applying for a new job with the current job I'm already at. I have a dead line of tomorrow at 4:30 to get all my application papers turned in. I still need to re-do my resume and fill out the applicaton part. Part of me knows this job is too physical for me and will cause me even more pain to deal with, yet I need to go from part time to full time.
When I had my last appoinment with my therapist I left feeling so dumb.......I don't even know why. I've had 3 different dreams about her this week that tell me how afraid I am of losing the connection I have with her. Last night in my dream, one of her college's told me I couldn't do therapy with my T. anymore because I had broken a boundary by going to a different office where my T. was working. (She doen't even have more than one office IRL) The dreams are disturbing me. I do have a fear of my hours changing if I get the full time job, which in turn makes it harder for me to find a time that each of us can meet. I fear having to ask to leave early one day a week so I can go see her. I don't want to tell my supervisor why I need to leave early and hope I don't cause feelings. She is new and only 24 years old!! Along with all this I'm sufferig from IBS........Irritable bowel syndrome, I'm sure caused from stress. My husband was fired from his job at the end of Sept. and we haven't had any insurance coverage since then. Not to mention the financial stress it caused. I don't want to pay for another visit this month, the holidays' are expensive enough. I'm just on a downer. And I can't really figure out totally why I don't want to see my therapist. I love her!!! She's so good to me, I just don't like her to see me when I'm sad and struggling. Like that's never going to happen????? Geez, my life isn't so that I can be doing good all the time in therapy. I have a few days to decide what to do about my appointment. I'm too bummed out to go. She will take the week after Christmas off so I won't see her for about 3 weeks since my last appointment.
I want to just crawl in bed and pull my comforter up over my head and not come out! I have soooo much to do and I'm having a hard time with my list!!!
Thanks for reading this if you made it this far. I'm just dragging on the ground! Come on Jan. One thing good about my job is I work for the school district in my area and after Thurs. this week at 4:00 p.m. I am off work till Jan. 3. Yeah! But I'm afraid the holiday derpession will only deepen. I want my T. ;-(
LadyBug (sad ladybug)
poster:LadyBug
thread:590062
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051216/msgs/590062.html