Posted by pinkeye on April 22, 2005, at 17:53:10
In reply to Re: Stressed so much (long) » pinkeye, posted by PM80 on April 22, 2005, at 16:57:07
Thanks so much for your post PM80. I appreciate it so much that you took the time to write.
I am very scared of divorce. And in my culture (Indian) it is not a common thing at all. In fact it is so very rare, and the blame is almost always on the woman who do it.
I am in the US now, I got my Green Card myself, and I work for a pretty good company and am self sufficient. I don't know why I really put up so much with my husband. But I am really scared of getting out of this marriage.
And I keep thinking he is basically a nice guy and it is all my fault. I keep thinking I am basically a very negative person, and I am not capable of being happy with whoever I am, that even if I love someone good, they won't love me back. And that I will be very unhappy no matter what marriage I am in. And I am really scared of living alone.
And these things are considered very small compromises in my Indian culture.. Women go to much more extents to please and tolerate their husbands.
But many times I am just so exasperated trying to convince him to do anything reasonable. For the last two years, he was into a religious cult.. and for one year he refused to have sex with me, because it was taught to him as a bad thing to do. Even now, he does not want to use birth control, so we never actually have intercourse - only just making out kind of stuff. I have been putting up with all these for the last 3 years. And his religious cult doesn't let him eat out, so we didn't eat out for the last 3 years.. And for 2 years, we didn't even see any movies together - because the cult was refusing him to do all that. And he objects me to wearing lipstick or make up.. There are tons of things like this. I ask myself many times why the hell am I giving all this up for him.
But then I get scared of living alone and a divorce and it is such a taboo in my society. And what if I get out - then what? Good men in my culture won't marry a divorcee. So I will have to stay all by myself, or end up settling for someone worse than him again.
I do go to a counsellor.. she pretty much tells me the same thing that you do. But I am so scared and afriad of being alone again. And I think my husband is basically a good guy.. stupid maybe, but good at heart. When I have my arthritis pain, he takes care of me very well.. he even carries me to the bathroom sometimes.. a few days when my feet hurts.. And he is naturally a happy person. I am not. That is why I think it is all my mistake.
poster:pinkeye
thread:487613
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050420/msgs/488063.html