Posted by daisym on September 7, 2004, at 17:39:20
In reply to I should be at my appointment right now . . ., posted by Aphrodite on September 7, 2004, at 16:59:45
I'm hurting for you. I just don't see what you have to be ashamed of. We've all flipped out in therapy at one point or another. Given what your therapist has most likely seen or experienced, this is probably minor.
I know it doesn't feel that way. That the executive Aphrodite would NEVER have had a tantrum about time being up. SHE would have left gracefully, in a completely contained sort of way. She would probably have even made it completely comfortable for everyone else that her needs weren't met. So to look at your behavior and recognize these needs feels just horrible. But it's not.
Can you look at this as just another defense against the pain of reliving the trauma? Road blocks that are trying to send you off this painful path to healing? I know it is hard. And it feels like it will never, ever end. And you feel so alone in that dark place. But you aren't.
I don't think you want to end things this way. And I'm worried about how suicidal you've been feeling. This is a huge indication that no matter how painful it all is, you do need help. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your son. Put the breaks on, sit in silence, but I think you need to work through this to an ending that doesn't make you feel worse.
(((Aphrodite)))
Let me know how you are doing.
Daisy
poster:daisym
thread:387740
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040905/msgs/387754.html