Posted by Dinah on January 22, 2004, at 19:07:44
In reply to I called Bubba :(, posted by Karen_kay on January 22, 2004, at 16:33:44
It could have gone either way. And how it went had more to do with him than with you. Internet savvy therapists are aware of googling and don't get upset. But internet ignorant (and how at 28 is he so ignorant?) therapists sometimes get really upset when they find out what's available. So he's probably mad at himself for not figuring it out (and he should be), and his wife for putting his name on that site, and the internet, and the d*mn dog, and you.
After all, what did you do that was so awful. You googled him. Half the world is googling themselves and the rest of the world. I mean, good heavens, you would want to know if he was mentioned in the newspaper for something dreadful, or if he had written a really ridiculous article for a psych magazine. And when you found out what his wife's name was, quite by accident, you looked it up in the phone book because you were curious. Hardly a sin. I think a lot of us want to physically locate them someplace so that we know how likely we are to run into them.
Tell him a heck of a lot of us do it, and if it will help, we'll start a thread where we all reassure him that we've googled our therapists and haven't stalked them. He just didn't know it and he should thank you for letting him know. A "Dear Karen's therapist" thread. (You can cut and paste so this website address doesn't come up.)
So quit shaking. You are not a terrible person, you're just human. And remember, Penny's first therapist was a bit upset with her over it, but they got past it. And my therapist gets mad at me *all* the time, enough to yell!!! And we've been in therapeutic relationship for going on nine years, and the anger didn't kill the relationship.
I know it's hard, but maybe you can see this as a learning experience. He can learn what's available on him online, and what clients are like, and where he wants his boundaries. You can learn that people can get angry and still like you and want to continue a relationship with you.
It doesn't sound like he wants to terminate or anything, so you've got time to work through this. It feels awful, and I wish I could make it all better, but you'll get through it.
So tell me, did he answer all the underwear questions before or after you told him?
poster:Dinah
thread:304110
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040116/msgs/304353.html