Posted by Dinah on October 31, 2003, at 7:14:43
In reply to Anyone else live in their dreams?, posted by Jellibabe on October 31, 2003, at 1:16:58
I always try to make my dreams a bit more realistic. They're at their best with us you know. When they're real fathers or lovers or whatever they are every bit as annoying as your average one. Since my transference is maternal in nature, if it gets painful, I carry the fantasy to its logical conclusion. That if he were my mother, we'd fight constantly about clothes and curfews. He'd yell at me and try to manage my life.
I told my therapist that once and he laughed. We both said simultaneously "But then you (I) would be able to yell at me (you)".
There is nothing wrong with fantasies about our therapists. When I'm upset I sometimes fantasize about curling up on my therapist's lap like a cat. In fact, the fantasies can be enjoyable.
But if your fantasies are helping you stay in a state of pain, it might be wiser not to allow yourself to dwell in them. If you could use those times to remember how great what you have with him is, you might be able to shift the fantasy a bit. He's a terrific therapist/daddy. He makes you feel safe. He can hold you with words even if he can't hold you with arms. And he can help you grow, just like a real daddy.
So when I get upset, I imagine being in his office (his old one, not the new one) with him at his most empathetic and able to hold my emotions.
I know how rough the infrequent schedule must be. I've found that I'm doing much better since going to twice a week. I don't get as desperate since it always seems possible to bear the pain for a few days, while a couple of weeks seems likes forever. I'm so sorry that that is necessary for you.
poster:Dinah
thread:275156
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031030/msgs/275183.html