Posted by Dinah on September 29, 2003, at 19:37:00
In reply to Re: Trust - A therapy homework » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on September 29, 2003, at 16:26:44
Yeah. I agree about the risk taking. And with the help of my therapist and Babble and Babble related friendships I am getting waaaay better at taking chances in relationships.
I know why he's doing it. He's trying to get me to take the success I've had in negotiating the transference and the therapeutic relationship and use it to widen my social support network (and lessen my dependence on him). But real life doesn't work like therapy. And I think it's naive to assume that the things I do in therapy, and that I strongly encourage others to do with their therapists, can be applied to other relationships. Not even marital relationships and certainly not less intense relationships.
I do see some areas where I could have easily had more trust and had richer relationships. My best friend that died. Looking back (and I'm not one to deify someone just because they died) she was someone I could have trusted. And someone who was open to a more intimate friendship. But I kept it at a more superficial level than it needed to be. She opened herself up to me, she shared, and I listened. I didn't reciprocate. I griped about the usual griping things - husband, bosses, etc. But I didn't go as deeply as I really think I could have. I now regret that missed chance.
And in the real life friendship arena I'm still woefully lacking and plagued by negative self evaluation. I am positive that I have nothing to offer and that no one would want to be bothered with me. I had a pushy mom, which embarassed me no end, and sent me in the opposite direction of wanting to be overly sure that I don't bother anyone.
But my negative self assessment is well founded, and reinforced by years of unsuccessful social interaction. I'm admittedly eccentric by any standard. Plus... to be blunt, I'm plain as a post. Ugly even. And my manner of dressing is sloppy, even when I try for better (which admittedly is not as often as it should be). While that isn't supposed to matter, the simple fact is that in the real world it does.
I want to be a good patient, and try to please him. But.... Oh well, I'll try my best.
poster:Dinah
thread:264237
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030925/msgs/264321.html