Posted by DannaB on January 13, 2007, at 23:14:11
I had a really rotten childhood. Consequently, I am uncomfortable in social situations and have very low self esteem.
Tonight I went out with some friends. They are all closer to each other than they are to me, but sometimes I'm invited to tag along. Well, try as I might I am always awkward and sorta left out. I am not completely clueless, but I have a knack for saying things that just slightly don't flow with the rest of the conversation and for not having the right body language or whatever. It is so depressing to me because I try so hard--but what is the point??
Something that makes it even harder is that people seem to find me attractive. I'm not complaining about this, but what I'm saying is people approach me with the expectation that I will be cool & interesting & confident and then I think they are disappointed when they talk to me and find out that I'm shy and awkward and have low self esteem.
Being liked is the basis for almost everything good in life--it's what gets you ahead in your career, in school, in everything. I feel that I'll never get ahead at this rate. Finally now I have a boyfriend who I'm crazy about (after being single for SO long), but I'm afraid he too will realize that I'm not good enough for him. :(I feel that I'm an interesting and nice person "inside" but that my true self and spirit doesn't come across to other people, or that they misunderstand me, for whatever reason. For instance, I tell my psychiatrist everything, and I know that he is really fond of me and believes that I have a lot to offer. He sees me for who I really am inside and is able to appreciate me, but most other people aren't. It's hard to always feel that I'm on the outside looking in.
poster:DannaB
thread:722106
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20061105/msgs/722106.html