Posted by Lindenblüte on September 22, 2006, at 20:13:33
In reply to Re: Do you think its possible..., posted by alexandra_k on September 22, 2006, at 19:41:44
Muffled,
I have worked with kids looking at different aspects of temperament and self-esteem. I guess the youngest that I've seen a kid have insecurities was at about age 3 (almost 4). Certainly by age 4, a lot of kids will have insecurities. That's pretty natural I think.One thing that parents can do to help their kids get a healthy self-esteem is to give praise on things that children have control over. If you praise their beauty or their innate intelligence, all is well when they suceed on a task. But when they fail (and failure is part of life) they will blame their failure on some part of them that is immutable. They failed because they are stupid or ugly. If you give praise because they worked hard, then when they fail, they will attribute it to lack of effort (which is something that they can control). These children are also more likely to seek out challenges. Children who believe that some internal essence is causing them to fail may be more likely to seek out toys and games which provide good feedback (easy tasks). They may be reluctant to take risks in which they may be judged harshly, or which may lead to criticism (or a bad grade).
The good news is that even adults can change the way they motivate themselves. Are we motivated because we want to tackle a challenge? Or are we motivated because we want to reinforce some idea of ourselves as "perfect"? Isn't that why a lot of us are in therapy?
Also, these personal styles may not extend to all domains- some kids may be more challenge-oriented for certain things (like math or gymnastics) and more success-oriented for other things (like piano and meeting new people)
Of course, children seem to be born with more anxious or more rambunctious temperaments. Sensitive caretakers, teachers, and coaches know that what is considered a harsh criticism to an anxious kid may bounce right off a rambunctious kid.
Muffled, I bet you do pretty well. Remember that kids go through their little phases with their in-groups and cliques, and the classes and activities that they find enjoyable or stressful. It will all be okay. I wonder if my parents ever gave 5 seconds worth of thought to my self-esteem. I think a lot of LOVE will make up for most parenting boo-boos. Kids are pretty resilient. (I submit Lindenblüte as evidence for that... degrees and happily married and ... totally PsYcHo!!! lol )
-Lindenblüte
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:687822
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20060921/msgs/688289.html