Posted by Kali Munro on August 6, 2004, at 15:17:56
In reply to Re: Thank you again » Kali Munro, posted by Dinah on August 6, 2004, at 10:23:43
<<<<And I believe you've hit the root of the problem, as it as always been for me at least. I need to remember that any given poster that I don't really know hasn't much ability to hurt me.>>>>
That's right! You can even critique their post and them *in your head* ;), as a way to deflect any hurt feelings on your part.>>>>(Posters that I have grown to know and care for have the ability to hurt me, of course.) It's Dr. Bob finding it civil that adds the pain to what they say, and causes me to respond to them.
I think that a lot of the solution for me is to try to remove Dr. Bob's actions from the equations, and remember that the poster does not assume extra power over me because of Dr. Bob's administrative actions.<<<<<
Nicely reframed, Dinah. That sounds like a really good strategy.
>>>>>I don't think I can learn to completely ignore the poster, tho. :) I think a supportive word directed to the poster who may have felt hurt may outweigh the risk of encouraging the troublesome poster. I know that a simple word of support from another poster helps me feel calmer and puts the post that upset me into perspective. But I'll try harder to make the post clearly supportive, but without adding gratification to the troublesome poster. Oooh. That's a tough post to write. :)<<<<<
Oh, for sure, I think offering your support to the person whom you think/feel may have been hurt is a good idea. That may be just what they need to hear, and a way for you to deal with your own feelings.It's certainly tough at first but the payoff is tremendous on many levels. Besides the possibility of less tension and conflict on the board, it can be really freeing and empowering because eventually you feel like you have the choice -- the power -- to respond how you want rather than simply react (which in a way does give them power).
Nice talking this through with you, Dinah,
Kali
poster:Kali Munro
thread:373945
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20040717/msgs/374770.html