Posted by SLS on February 5, 2009, at 1:43:01
In reply to Re: books/priodicals/websites on psychopharmacology » SLS, posted by yxibow on February 5, 2009, at 0:54:18
Hi Jay.
I forget sometimes how pervasive your symptoms are. You are one resilient SOB.
> I can be thinking oh, I want to look up X on Wikipedia and then I'm at the computer and I'm like... why am I here ? And then it hits me about a minute later.
LOL <sympathy laugh>
> I'm frustrated I'm not as motivated on work I'm doing through therapy that I should be doing at home -- but that's a whole different story, I think I tend to avoid and go back into a shell at times.
My degree of "laziness" is a function of the severity of my depression and the loss of interest and motivation that go along with it. Yes, for those things I had the greatest of interest in, came enough motivation to break through the wall of procrastination (initiation of activity), despite low energy. Anything that I deemed to be a chore, I seldom found the energy to perform - not enough motivation. It FEELS like laziness or some sort of character weakness, but I must remind myself that it isn't. For me, it is not a matter of choice. It is a matter of biology. I try not to beat up on myself too much.
I also find living in the moment very difficult with depression. The beast is in your face no matter what you attempt to think, feel, or do. So, it becomes a challenge to be in the moment without allowing my condition to invade my consciousness. I find myself deciding to "wait until I get better" before planning to do things. Once I emerge out of depression, I am SO there in the moment. Life becomes a carnival of things to experience. I interact with my environments, both internal and external, in real time as they are changing. Not to brag, but as far as "functional" I.Q. is concerned, when I reach remission, I genuinely scare the hell out of myself. I'll find my balance, though. It is just one of those things I have never had to deal with as an adult.
You are in my prayers.
- Scott
poster:SLS
thread:877188
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20090203/msgs/878145.html