Posted by uncouth on August 8, 2008, at 16:37:53
This is a serious post and if it comes across as flippant or mean it's just my language, not my intent.
Do people ever graduate from this site? It's wonderful, I've learned so much, gotten tons of ideas, been more confident in going on an MAOI and trying different combinations....
but part of me wonders if this is just a great informational fodder for incessant drug-seeking behavior, self-medication, and perfection seeking...
Asking this question because I've suffered for many years like many people on this board, and I"m sure I'm not the only one who has felt guilty for spending time here (or questioning whether "one more medication trial" will make a difference, or one more reading of a journal article).
My goal is to be at a state where I don't even have to think about my mood. As BP2/3 maybe that will never happen. Maybe i'll always feel terrible or have depressive episodes. But does ruminating on it online, however "constructive" I may convince myself that posting, reading journal articles is, actually helpful?
Or is that just a bunch of psychological masturbation?
Sometimes I feel like i'm in a medication psychobabble pit of information. The more there is, the more things I feel like trying. Now i've ordered amisulpride online after reading good repsonses from folks on the site....but will I be happy with it?
ONe more ride on the merry-go-round, courtesy of PB.
Anyway this post lost its point. But is there such a thing as PB graduates? Do such people exist? Will I ever be better? Will I ever stop using the internet compulsively, grow up and feel like a 27 year old and not a 17 year old? Will I ever reach my capacity? Are drugs and my valiant attempts at research helping or hurting me in the long run?
The time I have spent in the last 2 years reading journal abstracts and researching on PB...what could it have been spent doing? And if I know it could have been spent in aggregate doing more useful things, things that would in the long run make me happier and a better person, WHY DID I NOT DO IT?
Maybe it's chemical :) Maybe i just need to try ONE MORE MED......amantadine? amisulpride? mirapex? what's next folks...pop a pill and spin the wheel i guess.
Heartbroken and feeling poetic, your friendly neighborhood 27 year old, attractive, overeducated, paralyzed, addicted, waste of potential signing off
-Uncouth
poster:uncouth
thread:844981
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080805/msgs/844981.html