Posted by fierycelt on January 31, 2006, at 1:51:32
In reply to Re: topamax - name change » fierycelt, posted by Storm Rider on January 30, 2006, at 22:08:39
Kat...you are a gem!!! Thank you Thank you for your seemingly endless support.
Canadian...of course...my next guess
Redheads are never virtuous...we are very tempestuous and impatient. I realized that about myself along time ago!!!
I am the queen of impatience...now that I know why my life has been the way it has...and have gotten medication to "smooth out the rough edges"...I am impatient for it to work and to just get on with my life or even to start my life. Whatever the case may be....I need to find another job, to suppliment my income...just not sure what I can do. Someone needs to start a website called....www.Bi-Polarjobs.com...*sigh* in Utopia
I once took a career test...hhhmmm an actress was my perfect career. Bi-Polar's seem to have a flair for the dramatic!! At 39 I can't start that career now.Did many people in your life tell you to "grow up"? I heard/hear that alot...I pretty sure I don't want to grow up. To me being grown up seems to take all the joy out of life, but maybe I'm wrong. You seem rather grown up and joyous all in the same breathe, how did you achieve that? And how did you get a good job without a college degree? Maybe things are different in Canada, in the States you are no-one without a college degree.
I don't know if it was my ADDHD or my BP that prevented me from finishing college. Maybe it was simply not having any real idea what I wanted to do...I think I still don't know. I like too many things. I am not really sure what I am good at...getting fired?!
I actually like having ADDHD sometimes, like you said, it makes life very interesting. TV watching in part of multitasking for me...I am usually on my laptop while "watching". However, it can make settling down to do important things really difficult and at times, nearly impossible. School, in the past, fell into the important things category...I can get frustrated easily...once again I don't know if it is the ADDHD or the BP. I always seem to end up blaming myself severely for something going wrong in my life. I then will become very very depressed. When I only make $20 at work... it is because I am fat & ugly & nobody likes me. And if I wasn't stupid with ADDHD I wouldn't be in this position(being a stripper) because I would have finished college and gotten a good job...but if I had finished college, would I have a good job since I get restless & bored and can never seem to keep jobs...? I have gotten fired from more jobs than I can count...I sometimes can be very difficult to get along with. Look out if I am in a "mood", I hate that part of me. It sometimes just happens, no mood...I am suddenly "there"...I am one of those people who likes to be left alone to do their work and not bothered. That ensures that nobody has to experiences my sharp tongue and my moodiness.
It is strange though, most of the time I am very quiet as a stripper. When I do inter-act with the customers I am very nice, exceptionally. Maybe because I know I am fat, so I have to be extra nice...grateful. Most customers don't care that I have a brain so, since I don't use it, I get bored easily. Small talk or idle chit chat makes me restless. Really not an exciting job...brainless.
I usually end up taking care of the screwed up girls at work...I guess to take my internal focus off of my myself and my problems...I'm not messed up on drugs so, in some ways, it makes me feel better about myself. And of course I avoid addressing my problems for a little while longer. Like a "stay of execution" Terrible...
Maybe I'm not so happy about knowing I'm BP...ignorance is bliss...it means I'm really "crazy" or "broken" and it's never going to go away...I am going to be "sick" for the rest of my life and it is just going to "lay in wait" with the help of Topamax. What happens if Topamax never really works for me...what if it doesn't "quiet the storm" and I don't lose weight? I have never considered this possibility!?
I think I am getting ahead of myself...
poster:fierycelt
thread:5053
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060129/msgs/604741.html