Posted by headachequeen on October 18, 2004, at 14:28:41
In reply to Re:laundry and fish, posted by rainy on October 18, 2004, at 8:58:55
> Kat, it sounds like you're going through hell. I'm sorry. I surely do hope that somebody, somehow, can make it stop or at least tone it down to a richly livable level without tegretol.
>
> The lethargy that I'm talking about isn't so much about housework as it is about zombieism--I can't make myself move. It's an enormous act of will to do anything that requires physical effort. That's why the pdoc wants to try provigil, which is used in treating narcolepsy.
>
> So I'll be taking meds to calm me down and perk me up, to keep my moods stable (topamax) and to keep me from getting more depressed (desreyl). Pill-woman. Real-woman?
>
> Iris, I can read, although I know a lot of adult women who can't anymore. I sometimes wonder if the decades of anorexia and bulemia has had an effect on my brain. Hello? I'm having trouble with Spanish, which I'm learning. It's much more difficult than Russian was 12 years ago, which is now very passive.
>
> Your messages, all of you, make me think it's more me than the meds. Life is just one long learning experience, isn't it? I'm tired of learning. I just wanna have fun.
>
> Stressee, I also wonder how we women, at all ages, have gotten trapped into the weight thing. I know 80 year olds who refuse to eat a half bagel because they might gain weight. And I'll probably stay on Topamax, even if it means lying to my doctor, because I don't, at 5'5", want to weigh 135. I might not look as old, though. Hmmmm.
> linda
>
>
Linda, when you say you can't read, what do you mean?
Please tell me.I have been really angry about being left on tegretol and keep thinking that perhaps the topomax alone can deal with the seizures. It certainly toned them down when I was started on it. Before topomax I was having several breakthrough seiures in a week, some times two a night that I knew of, but the topomax stopped that until after the latest test and cut back on the number of breakthrough seizures in a week and I keep wondering why it cannot be given in a large enough dose to be a primary medication for epilepsy but get no answers.
It is always a secondary or back-up medication...
then I read about the others and have really frightening reactions to what I read and think that tegretol is not so bad after all...
Still wish there were a board like this for tegretol or at least one that I could find....after a seizure I am a zombie unable to be myself at all... people who know me simply don't know me... I can't read or write or use the keyboard even...walking is impossible as I am unable to focus on a direction ... the list goes on...
I am the walking waking sort of collapsed...
I am awake I guess but to look at me it is like looking at a comatose person... and I am certain that people think I am in a drug-induced state...
my eyes look strange and feel streeg -- that was meant to be 'strange' but is an example of what has to be corrected --- my hands are constantly in need of guidance for lack of better word, as there is this thing between a strong tick and a tremor in my arm and hand... it is so annoying...
and frustrating...
there is a pain in my forehead over my left eye and my speech is not the usual clear and precised speech... the sharp and clearly enunciated speech that is mine... it can be slurred and at times words are substituted for the words I mean to use...
I break into tears of frustration or outright anger... here you see the edited and corrected version, people with whom I speak do not have that benefit as I do not have the ability to backspace and delete...
I am one of the rare ones of my generation, never experimented with drugs and that always gets the raised eyebrows and the 'oh yeah' reaction... and I am sure that people think I am making up for lost time ...
can't wait until the right combination and dosage is found that eliminates seizures and aftermaths... can't remember the word for the post-episodic period... and I don't have to go through this any longer...
till I can read and write and no longer walk around like a zombie...
it will be such a wonder
kat
poster:headachequeen
thread:5053
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20041018/msgs/404444.html