Posted by Ima on August 31, 2003, at 22:07:58
In reply to Re: Lamictal Survey, posted by SUMMER2002 on August 31, 2003, at 20:34:13
> Ima
>
> How do you do it with kids and homeschool? I agree they keep me so busy that I don't have time to think about it but on bad days like today I don't want to do anything, plan anything or be Mom. Of course I do - at least the basics - make dinner, read a book, play scrabble. But every chance I get I go out driving and smoking. I know both are bad - What I really want to do is go find a hole and climb into it when these down moods hit. I'm only on lamictal - I wonder if adding wellbutrin would help. I mentioned it to my pdoc because of the smoking but he said he didn't want to mess with my meds since the lamictal appeared to be working.
>
> Oh well
>
> Tomorrow is another day.
>
> Patricia
Hey Patricia you sound like a great mom.
I mean it. All you can do is all you can do. Some days I cant plan any hting either. But It doesnt mean I dont love them. As often as you do the right thing for them they must know you really love them. If they believe you love them, and, it will cover a multitude of sins.My Mom never did cr*p with us. I love her and Im over it, but I felt like we were an after thought. Messy critters in her other wise clean world.
She gave what she got, which was less than that. Her mom made her get a job at 10 yrs. to pay her own way.In my moms high school yr. book, her goals were, convertable, secretary job and nice clothes. I read that entry at least a dozen times, and I felt it was true. We werent one of her goals.
I, being the tenacious brat I was set out to be the opposite of my mother. It was in my nature.Im more like my rebel father she reminded me on many occasions, who left us when I was 3.
I once heard you have two chances to have a happy childhood, yours and your kids. I think its true.
Part of the homeschool philosophy weve ascribed to (and there are many) is to raise them to be self learners.(this was no doubt self defense on my part)
There have been days when Ive said, Mom needs to have some time, and I close my bedroom door. They know if they really need me ( the house is on fire or someone is bleeding) they can disturb me. They do live up to our expectations. They do the work they need to do for the day.
I read, pray, call a friend, what ever it takes get my head togeather, and like you, I have simple priorities, dinner. Some days laundry.When Im okay, like you, I play scrabble.
Friends with children have been a great help. Tues. we went to the park togeather. Kids play, Moms comiserate. I couldnt have survived the early years with out female support.
They are 12 and 14 now. They direct their own days and touch base with me for guidance when needed.
It is actually harder for me now they are more independant.Bps really benifit from regular sleep and routine. I got more of that when they were little and looked more to me to provide structure.
With mid life and menapause setting in Im unmoored more than Ive been in a long time.
But I think it is mid life that finally breaks through our ability to disasociate and gives us a chance to deepen the healing we've put on the back burner while raising our kids.
My poor hubby, one menapausal woman and two pre menstral teens and just him :) It will be an interesting new time for us all!
Im definately worse now. I feel a certain grace attended my determination to give my children, more than I was given.
There notheing wrong with getting away to smoke a cig. You still love them. you just have to survive, in order to keep loving them.Obviously the lamictal by itself is not working.
If your Bp you probably need something else. There are lots of people on this site more knowledgebale about meds than myslef. But I love to talk about my family. Any more specific encouragemanet I can give in that dept, Id be glad to give.
Dont worry about the smoking. Just your sanity okay. Tell him you want to do more with meds or find a better doc.
Im just starting to feel like its my turn. By Gods grace Ive been able to hang on this long. But each persons path is unique. Dont beat yourself up by comparisons, okay. We're all in it togeather! Go girl!
peace
Ima
poster:Ima
thread:9730
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030828/msgs/256017.html