Posted by zinya on July 21, 2003, at 13:21:02
In reply to Re: speaking of tuna, posted by Susy on July 20, 2003, at 23:10:42
hola Susy, and anyone else,
gosh, it sounds wonderful that you had a night that even included dancing! I can imagine -- with my own kind of nostalgia -- what that meant to you.
I'm wondering if you and others here too have found that this kind of depression causes you to actually avoid music? I am someone who loves, loves, loves music... For more often than not in my life, my place is filled with music, and I have loved to dance all my life, I even samba-ed in Carnaval when i lived in Brazil... I would love nothing more than to put Brazilian samba on the stereo to accompany me as i would prepare meals for guests of the kind that involve starting hours in advance...
But when i get depressed, and this means for the past year solidly, I don't even turn music on on the radio. I tend to find it almost "oppressive" for some reason. I listen to talk radio like NPR in the car, i have TV on at home but i don't even listen to my stereo. If I occasionally try it, i just don't feel what i associate feeling with music. And perhaps it's to keep myself from being reminded of what's "missing" that i just avoid it.
I did go out with friends to dinner last night and driving home there was nothing but music on any of the radio stations and found myself thinking about this as i tried to find "talk" instead, and thought how odd this was given how much i LOVE music. And I thought of it being summer and how much i always would go to the Hollywood Bowl or some such concert at least once every summer, but i can't imagine doing so now. It would feel like going through the motions and i would just feel the lack of enthusiasm that i wouldn't spontaneously have.
Has anyone else experienced this with their depression? I crave the day that i will thirst for music again. It will be such a sign to me that i'm "over the hill"... Does anyone else know what i'm talking about or had such feelings?
Susy, as to your "missing" your "ex," I guess what i would encourage you to do is ask yourself if your nostalgia is based on yearning to be in love and feel loved rather than for your "ex" per se. Given how he treated you so disrespectfully, I think it's soooo important for your recovery of self-confidence to remind yourself when such "missing" moments come back that when he was there, you also were "missing" -- missing yourself, your internal peace of mind and heart...
A dear dear friend who was like a second father to me once told me something i wished i'd heard when i was first starting to date. He had told his daughters at that age that, as they began to date, what he hoped for them was that when they came home from a date or when they were alone again, they would ask themselves NOT the classic romantic questions of pop music like "Will he love me?" etc. but instead to ask them to think about how they felt about themselves after being with him, whether they came away feeling happy to be who they are as they are, not wanting to change something to try to please the guy but feeling very happy with being themselves and being appreciated for who they already are.
I think that advice is golden for everyone, male and female, as a way of perceiving whether we are in a good relationship or not -- same with friends as with romantic relationships. (Same with parents and children too actually -- and that's where i think the pattern begins. If we grow up feeling not so good about ourselves because of things our parents say to us, then we start to associate love with not feeling good about ourselves or trying to please others, and then we get so easily confused and wind up confusing a need to please another person with a notion that that is "love").
well, those are my 2c for the day. I get too exhausted after reading and rsponding to a few posts so i'm going to exit for a while and try to catch up more later...
love and hugs,
zinya
poster:zinya
thread:13781
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030718/msgs/243916.html