Posted by mercedes on July 15, 2003, at 18:31:26
In reply to Re: To Suzy re: xanex....Zinya can u also help?, posted by Susy on July 14, 2003, at 15:48:04
Susy...you'd better hang in there okay? Don't give up, Susy. I think we all have been or still are..feeling like you. Most people when they are severly depressed, can't do anything. At least you are still reaching out through this site. That means that you want to get help and are not giving up. You have a lot to live for even though it may seem like you don't. There are positive things in your life. Maybe you couldn't go to your mother's funeral. Do you think she is mad at you for that? Her body is in Spain but her spirit is closer to you now, more than ever. I too lost my mother 3 years ago on valentines day. I was in my deepest depression and having so many anxiety attacks that I couln't drive. I still had to work with all this sickness. I cried for her alot. Now I talk to her in my mind. I also go through her cause she is closer to God, and ask for her to ask God to help me get well, and she is. My mother, who is in heaven now, know's all the secrets I kept from her (especially the rape) and I know she understands. For a short time, I was going to rape survivors meetings and I lied to mom and told her I was taking a class. I felt so guilty lying to her. She knows the truth now and is probably saying, pobre mija.
I wish I could kick that neighbor of your's. She cannot have you kicked out you know. If the landlord even wanted you out, you can live there free for three months, did you know that? As for your male freind, his humiliating you is not good for you at all. It only belittles you and makes you more vulnerable to getting depressed and anxious. Tell him you won't take his verbal abuse anymore if he wants to continue seeing you. You need positive in your life now. Not negative stuff. Okay.
Hugs and prayers,
Mercedes
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> Mercedes, Thanks a lot for your interest and specially for all the help you are giving me, you are right I don't have a Health Insurance, I do have Medical but it is for emergencies only.
I think I am going to buy a health plan once I am able to work again. But meanwhile, thanks for the idea, I can make an appoinment with a psiquiatrist to see if he wants to continue touching bases with my case at least once per month. I will tell you that I think I am also a little bit depressed, my mother passed away last March 20 and I wasn't able to fly to Spain, because, crazy thing, I am affraid to fly, can you believe it? I came by plane to USA 20 years ago and now I can't take another one. All this because of the same, what if I have an attack in the middle of the fly....etc. Now, I don't even know if I want to go back again, because she won't be there waiting for me as I always dreamed.
Then, I live in a beautiful rented house but there is this neighbor who always puts a lot of pressure on me to the point of harrassment, I never met such an insensitive and selfish human been;and I lived affraid one day she is going to get the owners to kick us out and the rents these days are very expensive here in L.A.
Besides, I had this relation with this guy for around 7 years and he doesn't want to let me go. I do feel something for him. But it is just that he is continuosly humillating me, I think he is neurotic but he will never admit it, all the times something went wrong it was because of his bad temper and then he blamed everything on me.
I feel bad not to see him, but the last times I saw him I came back home thinking I was about to pass out, and praying God to please let me wake up alive next morning.
So, as you can see, there is nothing positive in my life at this moment, I have to deal with this anxiety, lack of energy and panic attacks and I think that make me even more depressed and anxious because I wish I could quit Xanax and feel like I used to be at least 2 yrs ago. Sometimes I don't even know if one day I will have my strenght back to continue and planning for the future....or just give up and see what happens.
Please keep on writing Mercedes, and say Hi to Cher if you see her.Hugs, Susy
poster:mercedes
thread:13781
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030714/msgs/242213.html