Posted by tina on July 3, 2000, at 18:14:39
Hey all: I've noticed that now and then there is a cutting thread thrown in and I'd like to contribute to that. I have cutting episodes but I never use knives or sharp stuff. I always use blunt but jagged objects to scrape layer by layer off my body. I think I need to know just how much I can take. I live a small life and I can't handle a lot of the "normal" everyday stresses but somewhere deep inside myself I know that I can and instead of determination and perseverance, I turn to the scraping to prove to myself that I "can take it." The thoughts that go through my mind aren't racing or psychotic. They are rational and logical. I tell myself "a little more, you know you can take it, just a little more, you are stronger than this, push harder, cut deeper." I think it's a metaphor for my life. If I don't think I can handle the challenges of life, I challenge myself to see if I can handle challenges to the body. It's an odd feeling to be able to finally explain why I do this. I don't see it stopping unless i can somehow learn to handle the challenges to my mind(life's ups and downs)
Maybe you can learn something from this jupiter. i don't know why you do what you do but finding the real reason makes all the difference.
Be well
Best wishes
Tina
poster:tina
thread:39211
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000630/msgs/39211.html