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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Kath on July 30, 2009, at 21:02:44
Just want to know, so I don't tee you off.
I'll put a note on my computer.
Kath
Posted by Phillipa on July 30, 2009, at 23:16:18
In reply to Who is it who hates these (((you))) ?, posted by Kath on July 30, 2009, at 21:02:44
Kath you mean (((You)))? Why would anyone not like them? Love Phillipa
Posted by Phil on July 31, 2009, at 16:45:01
In reply to Who is it who hates these (((you))) ?, posted by Kath on July 30, 2009, at 21:02:44
I used to, no more. bring em on
Posted by TexasChic on July 31, 2009, at 21:29:28
In reply to Who is it who hates these (((you))) ?, posted by Kath on July 30, 2009, at 21:02:44
I finally figured out what on earth you're talking about. I like when you say (((you))). Why would someone hate a show of concern and gesture of kindness? I guess we all have our pet peeves though. Try not to take it to heart.
-T
Posted by Phil on July 31, 2009, at 21:56:58
In reply to Re: Who is it who hates these (((you))) ?, posted by TexasChic on July 31, 2009, at 21:29:28
It was me, it was meeeee. To this day I can't remember what my problem was.
When trapped, blame the meds!!!
Posted by Dinah on August 1, 2009, at 6:20:53
In reply to Re: Who is it who hates these (((you))) ? » TexasChic, posted by Phil on July 31, 2009, at 21:56:58
It wasn't *just* you. :)
But I'm glad you don't have a problem with them anymore.
(((( Phil ))))
I'll confess I had a bit of a problem with them when I first got online. I think I equated them with yucky hugs and kisses from elderly relatives. Very big here in New Orleans. Even now I have to dodge the social hug and peck.
But now I see them totally differently. Not the meaningless social gesture. But the online equivalent of so many ways of expressing empathy and caring in body language and expression that just can't be duplicated in the written word.
If I saw you guys in person, I'd probably still dodge the hug from anyone but my son, husband, or therapist. But online I appreciate them.
Out of even the worst experiences, something good can sometimes come. Being able to take in this sort of expression of caring is good?
Posted by Kath on August 1, 2009, at 10:51:28
In reply to Re: Who is it who hates these (((you))) ? » TexasChic, posted by Phil on July 31, 2009, at 21:56:58
Well then,
(((((((((((to all of you above!))))))))))))))))I find it hard with typing to convey what I would with a smile.
I'm a huggy person & have to be very aware that NOT everyone else is.
So I wonder, in real life situations, what is the best wording, do you think? If I'm feeling a lot of affection & caring & warmth towards someone - when I think of trying to use words to see if it's ok to hug someone:
- are you okay with a hug?
- I feel like hugging you - are you a huggy person?
- I'd like to hug you, but know not everyone is okay with hugs.
Any suggestions????
Kath
Posted by Kath on August 1, 2009, at 10:52:08
In reply to Re: Who is it who hates these (((you))) ? » Kath, posted by Phil on July 31, 2009, at 16:45:01
> I used to, no more. bring em on
~ ~ I'm glad you're okay with them now
((Phil))
:-) Kath
Posted by Dinah on August 1, 2009, at 17:35:02
In reply to Re hugs IRL and the (((((( )))))) kind.........., posted by Kath on August 1, 2009, at 10:51:28
Hmmm... Tough one.
"I'm a huggy person, but if you're not just let me know?" or "...if you're not, I totally understand?"
It's hard because it's all contextual, you know? I really don't like to be touched, IRL. And in general I think that my body language conveys that. But the deepest memory I have of my father's funeral is when I blindly turned away from seeing him in his casket, and my very large cousin enveloped me in a very large bear hug and I burst into tears. It was just the right thing in the moment.
Posted by Dinah on August 2, 2009, at 0:11:01
In reply to Re: Re hugs IRL and the (((((( )))))) kind.......... » Kath, posted by Dinah on August 1, 2009, at 17:35:02
Of course I'm probably the last person to ask.
I don't know what normal people prefer.
Posted by Kath on August 3, 2009, at 21:08:16
In reply to Re: Re hugs IRL and the (((((( )))))) kind.........., posted by Dinah on August 2, 2009, at 0:11:01
Dear Dinah,
I appreciate both replies!
It's someone like you who I am more concerned with!! Someone for whom it is really a very major issue. So thanks for that input & good point about that one time causing the tears that were exactly what were needed.
Thx for your 2 suggested ways of stating it also.
I guess it depends on a lot of things really. Like how well one knows the other person, etc.
And on people's sense of humour even. Because I could even say something like, "I'm a person who really likes hugging, so step forward if you'd like one!" And then smile & say my next sentence so that there wouldn't be an awkward gap if the person didn't move forward for a hug!
:-)Thx for your input about this.
It wasn't until being here at PB that it even occurred to me that people might not like hugs!! However, there are lots of people IRL who I would NOT want a hug from!
:-)) Kath
Posted by Kath on August 3, 2009, at 21:11:42
In reply to Re: Re hugs IRL and the (((((( )))))) kind.........., posted by Dinah on August 2, 2009, at 0:11:01
My perfume sensitivities are worse lately & if someone has either perfume or even laundry detergent or fabric softeners, they can get on me if we hug!
One time as I was getting out of my car at a store parking lot, there was a relative who I don't see much, but she & her husband wear deadly scented stuff (LOTS of it!!). So I just held my rather large purse in both arms in front of me & tried to be extra friendly, in case this seemed rude!!
Kath
Posted by Dinah on August 3, 2009, at 21:28:23
In reply to I have a different problem these days, posted by Kath on August 3, 2009, at 21:11:42
Yes, there is that problem too. And cigarette smoke clings to everything!
I don't know how common it is. I do remember telling my music teacher "I don't like to be touched." in icy tones when he went to give me a bear hug. But since he turned out to be a pedophile, that probably was a good thing.
I trace it back to forced hugs and kisses with relatives on my father's side. Usually powdered and scented women or damp and beery men. My mother's people weren't big on social contact. I'd dread going anywhere I might meet them, and it was considered a deadly insult not to submit. They never seemed to notice that I was very unenthusiastic. In fact, my reluctance was met with increased demand. So make that insensitive, powdered, scented, damp and beery looming adults. I'm sad to say that's my main memory of some of them.
I daresay I'm remembering them as more distorted than they actually were.
Posted by Kath on August 3, 2009, at 21:35:10
In reply to Re: I have a different problem these days » Kath, posted by Dinah on August 3, 2009, at 21:28:23
> I daresay I'm remembering them as more distorted than they actually were.
~ ~ ~ eeeooooooooooooo!
I bet you're not!
Yikes about the pedophile! Jeez.
luv, Kath
PS - when you said in another thread that it was wrong of you not to report the guy in the library that hit a nerve of protective me towards you.
You were a kid!! I don't think it was wrong of you. That puts a blame on YOU. You didn't do anything wrong.
luv, Kath
This is the end of the thread.
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