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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by devon00 on April 30, 2004, at 23:10:30
I was emotionally abused as a child. I had a miserably unhappy childhood. My family has never acknowleged anything that happened.
Anyway, I have tried to move on as much as possible. The thing is that the abuse I suffered has affected almost every area of my life. My self esteem is horrible, it is very hard for me to trust people, I am stricken with shyness & anxiety in many situations, I question every move I make, I have difficulty trusting men and being warm and loving to someone when dating (because I'm so terrified of rejection)...the list is endless. I feel that my past will always color my future grey and try as I might, I cannot seem to develop self esteem, warmth and trust.
My life is just so painful. I really want to be in a relationship but I guess my neediness, lack of confidence, and general "issues" are a turn-off. I have lots of guys ask me out and people try to befriend me (I'm able to manage to appear reasonably confident and friendly) but as soon as you get to know me the pain and loneliness underneath surface. And then...the interest fizzles out.
How can I overcome this cycle of distrust of others? My low self esteem? My pain? It hurts me to see others in happy relationships, with loads of friends, etc. when I feel so completely alone in the world, so unable to trust, so hateful of myself, so dependent on other's approval. Please don't just say therapy...it's difficult for me to afford, and anyway I've been in it before yet I still haven't overcome these issues. I'm on an antidepressant but it only helps so much when you feel like an outsider.
Please help.
Posted by fayeroe on May 1, 2004, at 7:28:56
In reply to Abused as child...life in shambles, posted by devon00 on April 30, 2004, at 23:10:30
Having lived with a parent who could pretty much erase any good feeling I had about myself, I know what you are going through. Have you tried group therapy? For self-esteem issues, I think it works better than one on one.(people in a group tend to see things differently and you will get different feedback from each group member) What do you do best? And what do you like to do? Can you set aside a little time every day to do something that you know you are good at? Something that really makes you feel good? It can be anything! Do you have pets? Mine always make me feel better when I'm thinking that I might be worthless. I think the moment that I ceased giving my mother all of my power was the moment I started healing. I had to make a conscious decision to not let her rule my life. It took awhile but I worked on it all the time. Do you keep a journal? I find that a patient that writes down their feelings really benefits from it. I hope some of this helps. Please stay in touch. Best, Pat
Posted by karen_kay on May 1, 2004, at 20:30:03
In reply to Abused as child...life in shambles, posted by devon00 on April 30, 2004, at 23:10:30
i wish i had answers for you devon. i really wish i did. i know that what really helps me to get through is having the confidence to know that i'm a good person. and that i'm still trying. and that one day, i'll get it.
don't allow your family's faults to interfere with your knowlegde and confidence that you are a great person. find ways to prove it to yourself. sometimes i make lists of the good things i do, even when i don't feel like they are enough. simple things like smiling at strangers, or petting my dog. that helps me on bad days to know that i'm wonderful, even if it doesn't always feel that way.
it's hard sweetie. and i'm sorry your family isn't more supportive. it helps me to know in my heart that i'm doing things right and that i love myself. i think i've honestly just retrained myself to believe that. it takes a while to undo some of the things that happened in the past, but it does happen. with small steps and encouragement from yourself. and asking for help (like here) is always a good sign. you are wonderful, just keep teling yourself that. and those lists honestly helped me to reinforce and retrain my thoughts.
good luck to you and keep posting for support and encouragement. i'll be here giving it to you.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on May 1, 2004, at 20:48:11
In reply to Abused as child...life in shambles, posted by devon00 on April 30, 2004, at 23:10:30
Hi I am so sorry you are hurting so. I have a a lot in common with you..before therapy I chose a few things I did well and picked a few GOOD friends and stayed within those areas until I had more self confidence and stability. My anxiety I take pills once in a while..valium and I now see a T because of a crisis 2 years ago but small steps will take you a long way. You may also want to check into free therapy or no cost they realy do have them around. Hugs
> I was emotionally abused as a child. I had a miserably unhappy childhood. My family has never acknowleged anything that happened.
>
> Anyway, I have tried to move on as much as possible. The thing is that the abuse I suffered has affected almost every area of my life. My self esteem is horrible, it is very hard for me to trust people, I am stricken with shyness & anxiety in many situations, I question every move I make, I have difficulty trusting men and being warm and loving to someone when dating (because I'm so terrified of rejection)...the list is endless. I feel that my past will always color my future grey and try as I might, I cannot seem to develop self esteem, warmth and trust.
>
> My life is just so painful. I really want to be in a relationship but I guess my neediness, lack of confidence, and general "issues" are a turn-off. I have lots of guys ask me out and people try to befriend me (I'm able to manage to appear reasonably confident and friendly) but as soon as you get to know me the pain and loneliness underneath surface. And then...the interest fizzles out.
>
> How can I overcome this cycle of distrust of others? My low self esteem? My pain? It hurts me to see others in happy relationships, with loads of friends, etc. when I feel so completely alone in the world, so unable to trust, so hateful of myself, so dependent on other's approval. Please don't just say therapy...it's difficult for me to afford, and anyway I've been in it before yet I still haven't overcome these issues. I'm on an antidepressant but it only helps so much when you feel like an outsider.
>
> Please help.
Posted by Ivan Michael on May 2, 2004, at 8:00:50
In reply to Abused as child...life in shambles, posted by devon00 on April 30, 2004, at 23:10:30
like most other questions on this site (unfortunatelie) i do not have an answer to your question. i hope that someone else can help you. on this site you will find lots of people who don't care if your shy or negative or aniething. they accept you just the same. i feel at home here and i hope will eventuallie feel the same to you. lots of people here are willing to be your friend. and about your closer relationships. i don't think that you should worrie too much about that. i believe that everie person has another who is perfect for them. i have a lot of friends and a girlfriend who put up with a lot from me. one reason is that most of them are also depressed. i find that people with problems understand a bit more. i'm sorrie about your past. i know how abuse can change a whole life and how being shy with a low self asteem can be. i hope that you are able to be your real self and express everie emotion with the people on this site. and i also hope that you find a good guy.
Posted by judy1 on May 2, 2004, at 12:52:40
In reply to Abused as child...life in shambles, posted by devon00 on April 30, 2004, at 23:10:30
I know you don't want the suggestion of therapy, but after many years of denial on my part of physical and emotional abuse experienced as a child- therapy has been the only source of help for me. there are no drugs that will erase your pain, only learning how to cope with your past will help. and it really does help. as another poster suggested, there are inexpensive ways to get therapy- but what is really critical is your relationship with your therapist. If you don't trust him/her, you won't make any progress. I wish you all the best- judy
Posted by Wildflower on May 4, 2004, at 13:51:14
In reply to Abused as child...life in shambles, posted by devon00 on April 30, 2004, at 23:10:30
I wish so much that I had an answer for you. Reading your post brought tears to my eyes as I am going through the same thing but I cannot trace where my stems from. I too suffer from low self esteem, trust issues, shyness and anxiety. The difficulty in relationships also sounds painfully similar to what I'm dealing with.
Instead of offering an answer, I can offer an understanding shoulder to lean on.
Posted by Jai Narayan on May 4, 2004, at 20:03:37
In reply to Abused as child...life in shambles, posted by devon00 on April 30, 2004, at 23:10:30
> I was emotionally abused as a child. I had a miserably unhappy childhood. My family has never acknowleged anything that happened.
*that happened to me as well.> Anyway, I have tried to move on as much as possible. The thing is that the abuse I suffered has affected almost every area of my life. My self esteem is horrible, it is very hard for me to trust people, I am stricken with shyness & anxiety in many situations, I question every move I make, I have difficulty trusting men and being warm and loving to someone when dating (because I'm so terrified of rejection)...the list is endless. I feel that my past will always color my future grey and try as I might, I cannot seem to develop self esteem, warmth and trust.
>
*** I spent a few Years in therapy doing EMDR with my therapist and it worked like a charm. Most of the problems you are dealing with were the same for me. I was traumatized from womb to around age 38. I did the work and now I am a different person, I choose different people to relate with and my life is so good. I feel trust and love and am currently working on my sexuality...I was really abused.
So this is possible. Years ago I would have doubted it but now I am truly a different person and really feel safe, steady, relaxed, and confident.
Posted by devon00 on May 7, 2004, at 18:15:50
In reply to Abused as child...life in shambles, posted by devon00 on April 30, 2004, at 23:10:30
Thanks for your thoughts, everyone. I'm going through an extremely rough patch right now. For a while everything was going smoothly but now things are a mess...and the sadness is always bubbling up to the surface.
The thing that really kills me is that I push people away. I meet lots of great people but I am just so fearful, paranoid and insecure that I don't let myself be close to them or them to me. It's like dying of thirst but not being able to swallow water. I'm so lonely, yet I behave in ways that isolate myself.
Anyway, I'm going to look for a therapist. Gosh, I feel like I should be in therapy 5x per week (and would be, if I could afford it), but I guess I'll just have to do whatever I can.
This is the end of the thread.
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