Posted by Fallen4MyT on May 1, 2004, at 20:48:11
In reply to Abused as child...life in shambles, posted by devon00 on April 30, 2004, at 23:10:30
Hi I am so sorry you are hurting so. I have a a lot in common with you..before therapy I chose a few things I did well and picked a few GOOD friends and stayed within those areas until I had more self confidence and stability. My anxiety I take pills once in a while..valium and I now see a T because of a crisis 2 years ago but small steps will take you a long way. You may also want to check into free therapy or no cost they realy do have them around. Hugs
> I was emotionally abused as a child. I had a miserably unhappy childhood. My family has never acknowleged anything that happened.
>
> Anyway, I have tried to move on as much as possible. The thing is that the abuse I suffered has affected almost every area of my life. My self esteem is horrible, it is very hard for me to trust people, I am stricken with shyness & anxiety in many situations, I question every move I make, I have difficulty trusting men and being warm and loving to someone when dating (because I'm so terrified of rejection)...the list is endless. I feel that my past will always color my future grey and try as I might, I cannot seem to develop self esteem, warmth and trust.
>
> My life is just so painful. I really want to be in a relationship but I guess my neediness, lack of confidence, and general "issues" are a turn-off. I have lots of guys ask me out and people try to befriend me (I'm able to manage to appear reasonably confident and friendly) but as soon as you get to know me the pain and loneliness underneath surface. And then...the interest fizzles out.
>
> How can I overcome this cycle of distrust of others? My low self esteem? My pain? It hurts me to see others in happy relationships, with loads of friends, etc. when I feel so completely alone in the world, so unable to trust, so hateful of myself, so dependent on other's approval. Please don't just say therapy...it's difficult for me to afford, and anyway I've been in it before yet I still haven't overcome these issues. I'm on an antidepressant but it only helps so much when you feel like an outsider.
>
> Please help.
poster:Fallen4MyT
thread:342026
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040430/msgs/342316.html