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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by socialdeviantjeff on March 5, 2004, at 1:31:52
I can hardly function. My future is a Goth cliche'. My pathology is very complicated. I react adversely and paradoxically to so many meds that avenue is nearly closed. Hell, I just don't know what to do. One minute Im fine, the next I'm a wreck. I feel like all of humanity either hates me or is afraid of me.
And this hardly bothers me. I feel like Hannibal Lecter without the whole killing thing. I guess it does bother me on some level; I'm writing about it and trying to change although the harder I try the more impossible it gets.
I'm still dealimg with changing my expectations. Not easy but making headway. I just worry about the future. I guess it's like my grandma said once, "I will need to find a lady with money and a trade." Sucks but oh well. Of course, finding anyone at all is just about impossible with my problems.
I know this all sounds like despair but actuall I don't think I care enough to realy despair. Anyway, I hope you guys are doing OK.
Posted by rainyday on March 5, 2004, at 9:34:39
In reply to I've decided I'm just plain wierd, posted by socialdeviantjeff on March 5, 2004, at 1:31:52
OK, so now it's time to embrace our weirdness. I have gone around in circles with medications. I don't know if I'm sick, better, a whiner, a lost cause, or what. You know how AA's saying is One Day At A Time? Well, how about One Microsecond At A Time, and Maybe That's Taking It Too Quickly? Tread water, post often, and if you can go for a walk, do it. I am stuck at a desk with a phone that rings all day long (that would be my job). I suck it up for eight hours and try to keep people from figuring out there is anything wrong with me. By the time I get home I'm exhausted. Of course I'm too hyped up on meds to sleep.
Sound familiar?
Posted by Dinah on March 5, 2004, at 11:39:37
In reply to I've decided I'm just plain wierd, posted by socialdeviantjeff on March 5, 2004, at 1:31:52
I'm with Rainyday. As something of an oddity myself, who rarely fits in wherever I go, I've decided that I'm going to consider myself eccentric and quirky and embrace that.
And all of humanity doesn't hate or fear you. (Most of them don't know you.) But I bet you can make a list of that part of humanity that knows and thinks well of you. You can start with your daughter and your Babble friends and work from there. :)
Posted by kid47 on March 5, 2004, at 12:33:52
In reply to I've decided I'm just plain wierd, posted by socialdeviantjeff on March 5, 2004, at 1:31:52
If you don't mind me butting in:
> I can hardly function. My future is a Goth cliche'. My pathology is very complicated. I react adversely and paradoxically to so many meds that avenue is nearly closed. Hell, I just don't know what to do. One minute Im fine, the next I'm a wreck.
Believe me, I understand your frustration. I have known quite a few folks, myself included,
who had many unsuccesful med trials. The good news is, most of them, myself included, finally found the right doc who figured out the right cocktail. I still have some horrific days, but overall I feel a WHOLE LOT BETTER!! Try and "Keep the Faith">I feel like all of humanity either hates me or is afraid of me.
Not in Babble Land.
> And this hardly bothers me. I feel like Hannibal Lecter without the whole killing thing. I guess it does bother me on some level; I'm writing about it and trying to change although the harder I try the more impossible it gets.
Actually, I liked Hannibal the Canibal (except for the whole killing thing and eating peoples livers (with a side of Fava beans a nice Chianti)
> I guess it's like my grandma said once, "I will need to find a lady with money and a trade."
Your grandma's a very wise women. This is just good advice for any man, weird or otherwise. =0)
I'm gonna play Pollyanna for a minute. (I tried out for the part in a school play, but they said they would prefer a female) I've read a lot of your posts. You are smart, articulate and perceptive. Even though your life feels like sh*t right now, you will, in time, find your niche. You will find more & more situations & people who appreciate your "weirdness" You will find, I'm betting sooner than later, someone special who *gets* you. It might not ever be a perfect life, but it will sure be worth the effort. I hope this all doesn't come off sounding lame, but I am convinced things WILL get better. Take care
Peace out
kid
Posted by Angielala on March 5, 2004, at 12:33:58
In reply to I've decided I'm just plain wierd, posted by socialdeviantjeff on March 5, 2004, at 1:31:52
Just plain weird- Jeff that's wonderful :) As I have said to all the bullies since I was 5 (and it always stumped them, idiots) Weird is better than normal. And it's true.
I don't think there is an easy way to transform as you are now... it's like you either go through it slow, or you get thrown in the fire and have to go through it fast, and both suck... but it doesn't last, that's the one thing that's guaranteed. Jeffy, babe- you realize how smart you are, but what you forget to look at is that the world isn't used to highly intelligent people... people who connect through words and emotions the way you do... it's not you, it's them- it's their problem that they don't know what to do. Force it on them, don't be afraid- let them be afraid... that gives you the control. Watch Fight Club a few times, drink lots and lots of water and call me in the morning :) hehe
> I can hardly function. My future is a Goth cliche'. My pathology is very complicated. I react adversely and paradoxically to so many meds that avenue is nearly closed. Hell, I just don't know what to do. One minute Im fine, the next I'm a wreck. I feel like all of humanity either hates me or is afraid of me.
>
> And this hardly bothers me. I feel like Hannibal Lecter without the whole killing thing. I guess it does bother me on some level; I'm writing about it and trying to change although the harder I try the more impossible it gets.
>
> I'm still dealimg with changing my expectations. Not easy but making headway. I just worry about the future. I guess it's like my grandma said once, "I will need to find a lady with money and a trade." Sucks but oh well. Of course, finding anyone at all is just about impossible with my problems.
>
> I know this all sounds like despair but actuall I don't think I care enough to realy despair. Anyway, I hope you guys are doing OK.
Posted by Ilene on March 5, 2004, at 16:08:08
In reply to I've decided I'm just plain wierd, posted by socialdeviantjeff on March 5, 2004, at 1:31:52
> I can hardly function. My future is a Goth cliche'. My pathology is very complicated. I react adversely and paradoxically to so many meds that avenue is nearly closed. Hell, I just don't know what to do. One minute Im fine, the next I'm a wreck. I feel like all of humanity either hates me or is afraid of me.
>
Strange how things can change so quickly. You must save your reasonable moments for when you post here. You don't seem either hateful or frightening. You seem rather nice.> And this hardly bothers me. I feel like Hannibal Lecter without the whole killing thing. I guess it does bother me on some level; I'm writing about it and trying to change although the harder I try the more impossible it gets.
>
> I'm still dealimg with changing my expectations. Not easy but making headway. I just worry about the future. I guess it's like my grandma said once, "I will need to find a lady with money and a trade." Sucks but oh well. Of course, finding anyone at all is just about impossible with my problems.
>
A lady with money and a trade? What does she trade . . . and for how much money?But you have a daughter, so you must have found someone at least once.
> I know this all sounds like despair but actuall I don't think I care enough to realy despair. Anyway, I hope you guys are doing OK.
I'm glad you're not despairing. Do you still have a job? Maybe if you could imagine that customers were Babblers in disguise you would find it easier.
I.
Posted by noa on March 6, 2004, at 21:17:17
In reply to I've decided I'm just plain wierd, posted by socialdeviantjeff on March 5, 2004, at 1:31:52
Don't worry about labeling yourself. We are who we are. Just take note and observe and withhold judgment, at least defer judgment. OK, I am who I am, now what do I want in life? Wierd or not wierd all depends on whose perspective is taken anyway. We all deserve to have meaningful lives whether we're wierd or "normal" (as if there really is such a thing!!).
Posted by socialdeviantjeff on March 7, 2004, at 0:51:20
In reply to Re: I've decided I'm just plain wierd » socialdeviantjeff, posted by rainyday on March 5, 2004, at 9:34:39
Well, I've always been a little atypical. In high school it was easy. I found an outlet by letting my outer appearance match my inner feelings. It felt good to shock people. Since I have a kid I don't think it's time to drag out the black vynl pants and hair dye. Might make her wonder.
Sometimes it's not easy being eccentric but I guess it's better than being dull. I'm gonna rework that and make it my slogan,
"My ecceentricity is better than your dullness."
Or,
"I'm at least not dull. I'm Eccentric."
Help me out with this, OK?
I guess in the grand scheme of things I'm not so "wierd". I just wish I could be a little more functional sometimes.
Posted by socialdeviantjeff on March 7, 2004, at 0:52:23
In reply to Re: Wierd shmierd--nothing wrong with wierd! » socialdeviantjeff, posted by noa on March 6, 2004, at 21:17:17
Posted by fayeroe on March 10, 2004, at 6:14:05
In reply to Embracing my inner eccentric...., posted by socialdeviantjeff on March 7, 2004, at 0:51:20
> Well, I've always been a little atypical. In high school it was easy. I found an outlet by letting my outer appearance match my inner feelings. It felt good to shock people. Since I have a kid I don't think it's time to drag out the black vynl pants and hair dye. Might make her wonder.
>
> Sometimes it's not easy being eccentric but I guess it's better than being dull. I'm gonna rework that and make it my slogan,
>
> "My ecceentricity is better than your dullness."
>
> Or,
>
> "I'm at least not dull. I'm Eccentric."
>
> Help me out with this, OK?
>
> I guess in the grand scheme of things I'm not so "wierd". I just wish I could be a little more functional sometimes.How about "my weirdness beats your sameness any day"? I've always been considered weird and eccentric. Weird by my family and eccentric by everyone else. I wear those badges proudly. Stand proud, weird one!!! We're unique!!!
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