![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dr. Bob on December 11, 2003, at 18:41:17
In reply to Re: Surreal » DeeJay, posted by Dog on December 11, 2003, at 15:00:56
> what i mean is this: in your nuclear family sibling order... your brothers and sisters: are you older or younger than them or somewhere in the middle...also your beau, where is he in the order of his family...
> gotta go.. will be on-line monday...
> Dog
>
> > By birth order, do you mean who is older, born first...blah blah?...I was born late April of '79 and he was born early May of '76..both Taureans. It is true, I do crave uncertainty, excitement and so on, which also may lead to my anxiety...hmmm. I have talked to my doc about it a bit, but when I see her, he's not fresh on my mind.
> >
> > The prison one was someone I had met 2 weeks before my mom died. I leaned on him emotionally when my dad was a zombie....he did some horrible
> > mind control junk to me that, in retrospect, I can see now. When I wouldn't talk to him anymore for my own good, he thought the only way to get my attention was to tell me he had cancer. CANCER....why?? I've read about people like him in the book called PsychoOncology and they truly believe themselves....ugh.
> >
> > I know I'm extremely independent, which may cause my relationship anxiety, but I'm just not sure. I'll look up the book...thanks..;)
> >
> > May I suggest for humor, "Naked" by David Sedaris....he's a hoot.
> >
> > Cheers,
> >
> > Deej
> >
> >
>
>
Posted by Dog on December 12, 2003, at 14:33:46
In reply to Re: Surreal « Dog, posted by Dr. Bob on December 11, 2003, at 18:41:17
Deeg,
not sure, but it looks like we have to go somewhere else... had some time and a library computer in my travels, didn't think i could go online today, but opportunity came up...how are you feeling today ... did you ask Doc about drinking and wellbutrin? pain in insides you described not normal and should be explored as to causative agent......
let me know re birth order...
Dog> > what i mean is this: in your nuclear family sibling order... your brothers and sisters: are you older or younger than them or somewhere in the middle...also your beau, where is he in the order of his family...
> > gotta go.. will be on-line monday...
> > Dog
> >
> > > By birth order, do you mean who is older, born first...blah blah?...I was born late April of '79 and he was born early May of '76..both Taureans. It is true, I do crave uncertainty, excitement and so on, which also may lead to my anxiety...hmmm. I have talked to my doc about it a bit, but when I see her, he's not fresh on my mind.
> > >
> > > The prison one was someone I had met 2 weeks before my mom died. I leaned on him emotionally when my dad was a zombie....he did some horrible
> > > mind control junk to me that, in retrospect, I can see now. When I wouldn't talk to him anymore for my own good, he thought the only way to get my attention was to tell me he had cancer. CANCER....why?? I've read about people like him in the book called PsychoOncology and they truly believe themselves....ugh.
> > >
> > > I know I'm extremely independent, which may cause my relationship anxiety, but I'm just not sure. I'll look up the book...thanks..;)
> > >
> > > May I suggest for humor, "Naked" by David Sedaris....he's a hoot.
> > >
> > > Cheers,
> > >
> > > Deej
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
>
Posted by Dog on December 12, 2003, at 14:44:16
In reply to Re: Surreal, posted by Dog on December 12, 2003, at 14:33:46
Deej, found name of book:
The New Personality Self-Portrait : Why You Think, Work, Love and Act the Way You Do
by John M. Oldham (Author), Lois B. Morris (Author)this is most excellent and is the best i've seen for what it purports, which is give an accurate, albeit not comprehensive view of your personality style(s) which is most important for you and your possible mate...if you want i can help you, but it is mostly self-explanatory... test is simple and easy to grade...really gives you both superb insights as to yourselves and each other...i wish my wife and i would have did this before we got married... we would have married each other anyway, but it would have prevented alot of problems...
plmk, Dogps: sorry i called you "Deeg" on a previous post... fingers got messed up on unfamiliar keyboard..
-D
Posted by Dr. Bob on December 12, 2003, at 18:41:54
In reply to Re: Surreal, posted by Dog on December 12, 2003, at 14:44:16
> Deej, found name of book:
>
> The New Personality Self-Portrait : Why You Think, Work, Love and Act the Way You Do
> by John M. Oldham (Author), Lois B. Morris (Author)I'd just like to plug the double double quotes feature at this site:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#amazon
The first time anyone refers to a book without using this option, I post this to try to make sure he or she at least knows about it. It's just an option, though, and doesn't *have* to be used. If people *choose* not to use it, I'd be interested why not, but I'd like that redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20020918/msgs/7717.html
Thanks!
Bob
Posted by DeeJay on December 15, 2003, at 8:51:34
In reply to Re: Surreal, posted by Dog on December 12, 2003, at 14:33:46
Hey there....no problem..I knew we'd get moved. My birth order goes as this:
Brother 36, Brother 34, Me 24
My beau, his sister 31, him 28
I have not yet spoke to my Dr., in fact, I see her on Friday...I'm not sure about the Wellby now either...I had a horrible headache on Thursday and Friday and I hadn't drank a thing. Sooo, who knows. I did have a X-mas party on Saturday, but didn't take the pills all weekend..and shew!...I can't keep up with my boss in the drinking department...which is sad and takes me back to high school...I felt old. Couldn't hang...but that's just not important anymore.....have to run and do something. Be back...;)
Cheers
Deej
Posted by DeeJay on December 15, 2003, at 8:53:17
In reply to Re: Surreal, posted by Dog on December 12, 2003, at 14:44:16
No worries....I'm always back spacing while I'm typing on here..If I didn't, you'd get a mess that looked like this..
fdjsdla..fdjslafjdio...eis..
Yeah. Not good. Again, be back.
Deej, Deeg, Doog, Dawg....whatever..;-p
Posted by Dog on December 15, 2003, at 9:45:55
In reply to Re: Surreal, posted by DeeJay on December 15, 2003, at 8:53:17
Deej,
you have to be careful with the wellbutrin as far as a schedule goes... you have to be almost exact in your habits regarding time of taking it, or headaches occur...as long as you take the same time every day, you should be alright...of course, i am only speaking from my experience and i have found if i don't take it or take it at different times, etc., i will get a headache or just otherwise feel out of it until i get on a schedule again...Deej, please take this as advice from a friend:
you and your boyfriend are "last-borns", you're both the babies of your nuclear families...not good for long-term relationships... one of you, probably both, will have to change in profound ways... very difficult to do...you would be a much better match with a first-born or an only-born child...there's good and bad to being a last-born... i know it sounds funny, but the birth order is a construct i have found works for predicting the success of inter-personal intimate relationships... at least it shows which will be more or less difficult, usually in a profound way...check out Kevin Lehmans book about birth-order...those are two books i highly recommend for pre-marrieds: the Oldham book and the Lehman one...they are just excellent and they're not like text-books, but are interesting reads...even if you're not contemplating marriage, these give you very helpful insights into your self and others...take my word for it as i have been around the block a few times and have read quite a few books and have had not a little formal training...
my wife and i are both babies in our respective families...we have, and still do, have problems, which would have been alot easier if we were not both babies...our birth-order in our growing up years affected us so profoundly...very difficult to change deep ways...of course there are personalities that are of last-borns that will work together, but not all that common... takes some tremendous work... i think if you're not too into this guy yet, start playing the field a bit... ask God to send you someone and to tell you who it is once he's sent to you! keep in mind a first-born...
our older sibs, though we might not realize it, took care of us somehow... we were the babies of our families and everyone took care of us! its not that we're necessarily needy or anything, but its just the personality thing and how we inter-act with others... its OK w/ friendships usually, but the profound intimacy of marriage makes it very difficult...its also not that we're inferior at all either, we have strengths other birth ordered ones don't..
does this guy really love you? do you really love him? are you committed to him? you are 24 years old! don't make any long-term committments if you don't feel its time... there will be others...Please don't just be in love with being in love... and, be open to God! He'll show you someone, if you let Him!
Dog
Posted by DeeJay on December 15, 2003, at 14:00:29
In reply to Re: Surreal » DeeJay, posted by Dog on December 15, 2003, at 9:45:55
I think I just didn't send my response...or something strange happened..who knows! You have a profound response that makes me wonder. I never would have thought of the birth order of things affecting a relationship. Hmmmm....and the age thing...I know I'm 24, a baby. But I feel like I'm 50 sometimes. I hate to be alone but I hate to be babied and smothered, and sometimes I feel that way. Since out postings, I have expressed this to him, and he agrees he can be that way sometimes....but can't help it. He loves me. And I love him. He's the best thing that has ever happened to me, the most healthy, I just get so overwhelmed with the idea of marriage sometimes. I have been in 2 weddings in the past 3 months, and neither one of them has made me want to get married like so many girls do.
I also think being raised by men my whole life has fuzzied my fantasy of marriage. It's not something I strove for. Instead, I wanted to be self-sufficient, fix my own car, do things on my own...but with someone next to me. I have that now, but still can't put my finger on what I'm doing. I really think my medication going on's and coming off's are affecting me and so does my beau. He's extremely patient, however, if I even so much as mention marriage, he's a drooler and would do it in a heartbeat, so I keep that at bay.
I can be a real headache to live with, so I have to give him credit. But the "i'm 24" thing sometimes rings in my head...but that shouldn't matter. I've had crap. I've loved crap...and ended up feeling like crap. Now I just have normal, don't want crap, but want to feel anything but crap, even though I still do.
Hmmm. Make sense?....
Sorry about the *ghost posts* I don't have a clue what's goin' on in my comp today..;p
Thanks for the book advice...I will check into them over a caramel apple cider at Starbucks...(corporate coffee, noooo!)
Cheers
Deej
Posted by Dog on December 15, 2003, at 14:41:23
In reply to Re: Surreal, posted by DeeJay on December 15, 2003, at 14:00:29
Deej,
how long have you been taking the Wellbutrin and what strength... is it the XL?i think you're doing fine. if you two really love each other, there's really no reason you shouldn't then, just look at the books, please... he sounds like a good guy.
has he proposed? perhaps thats just it: he hasn't formally proposed... guys can be so clueless sometimes...how long have you two been together?
it was something when i proposed to my wife: i was so stupid... i was about to preach to a fairly large inter-faith service for Thanksgiving and they'd chosen my church to host it and me to preach...all of the area pastors and their congregations..my Church was packed! at least 300 people , which was quite alot in that small sanctuary...one of the administrative board members was scolding me for not having enough bulletins/order of service sheets made up... though i had almost enough, it worked out everyone could just share...the children had been taking them also as they came in, and they could just share with their parents, i told him.. he was nervous because he hadn't seen that many in his church before... we were standing in my office, the ad board guy and my future wife and i...the guy would notleave so i could propose!.. finally i just told him i had to discuss something with my fiance in private and so he finally left...my fiance lived several hours away from my church and had travelled a long way with my mother, grandma, sister and bro in law...i was so nervous, i forgot to ask her and just handed her the ring! she said, well, aren't you going to ask me? i said, "oh yeah, will you marry me?" she said yes...i didn't realize so many things...like, i should have gotten down on one knee to propose... i still apologize to her... its just that there was so much going on at once!...before i preached a few minutes later, i announced it to the people and got a terrific applause...
in a marriage, there are so many fantasic things like that that happen, but, at least in my marriage, there has been some bad times... when the bad times are happening, it seems the bad outweigh the good, but they really don't... it just seems that way..then ,things get better: they always do!Dog
> I think I just didn't send my response...or something strange happened..who knows! You have a profound response that makes me wonder. I never would have thought of the birth order of things affecting a relationship. Hmmmm....and the age thing...I know I'm 24, a baby. But I feel like I'm 50 sometimes. I hate to be alone but I hate to be babied and smothered, and sometimes I feel that way. Since out postings, I have expressed this to him, and he agrees he can be that way sometimes....but can't help it. He loves me. And I love him. He's the best thing that has ever happened to me, the most healthy, I just get so overwhelmed with the idea of marriage sometimes. I have been in 2 weddings in the past 3 months, and neither one of them has made me want to get married like so many girls do.
>
> I also think being raised by men my whole life has fuzzied my fantasy of marriage. It's not something I strove for. Instead, I wanted to be self-sufficient, fix my own car, do things on my own...but with someone next to me. I have that now, but still can't put my finger on what I'm doing. I really think my medication going on's and coming off's are affecting me and so does my beau. He's extremely patient, however, if I even so much as mention marriage, he's a drooler and would do it in a heartbeat, so I keep that at bay.
>
> I can be a real headache to live with, so I have to give him credit. But the "i'm 24" thing sometimes rings in my head...but that shouldn't matter. I've had crap. I've loved crap...and ended up feeling like crap. Now I just have normal, don't want crap, but want to feel anything but crap, even though I still do.
>
> Hmmm. Make sense?....
>
> Sorry about the *ghost posts* I don't have a clue what's goin' on in my comp today..;p
>
> Thanks for the book advice...I will check into them over a caramel apple cider at Starbucks...(corporate coffee, noooo!)
>
> Cheers
>
> Deej
Posted by DeeJay on December 15, 2003, at 15:34:14
In reply to really long post!, posted by Dog on December 15, 2003, at 14:41:23
Dog...that's a great story. I like good ones. Ones that make people smile, like that did me. We have only been together 11 months...and have a ways to go, but maybe I'm expecting things to be how they just aren't going to be. Hellacious, crazy, insane, unstable....all those things I've had before. I just don't see it. I know I know, I sound completely insane for this, but you have to understand. That is all I have ever know, unstable relationships. Haven't had that many, but enough to make me wonder if it is worth it. The only one I did have that was just out of reach was a fella I met in NY while I was visiting. He happened to go to the same college I did, knew some of the same professors, just weird. Too coincidental. Immediateley I was drawn to him and also because he was stationed in Annapolis, MD, (in the Naval Academy) so it was perfect. Could talk to him all the time, but still have my life, he came to visit last X-mas, went back to school, then I met my beau who I am with now. Only because he lived so far away...otherwise I would have loved to have seen him again...that is, if he lived here. Ugh. I just realized all of that just now!!!
Hmmm...and, I don't keep secrets, don't lie, but I can't help but wonder sometimes. I won't see him again, but he IM's me now and again...as friends.
Wow, lookee there with your psychoanalyzation potential stuff you have going on here....that just blahed out of my fingers...and now I'm more confused. I do love my beau....it's the unknown I hate.
Ugh, ugh ugh......;p
Deej
Posted by Dog on December 15, 2003, at 16:07:49
In reply to Re: really long post!, posted by DeeJay on December 15, 2003, at 15:34:14
hmmm, a "soldier boy", huh? well, what did he say... did he say he wanted to see you again?...
the thing is, once you make a committment to your present beau, you can't go back and search for lost loves and be always wondering... Take care of it now! Call "soldier boy" or email him and tell him the truth... this is your life, Deej, and you can't go back once you make that committment to someone else...it just doesn't work that way... you end up not only hurting someone else, but yourself as well...i would recommend you explore it before its too late...
incidentally, i am not recommending you be devious either, but you are not promised or engaged now anyway, are you? if so, then you better get these other things out of your head or at least talk them out with him...harboring fantasies is OK, i think, but there is alot of pain that can get in the way if you don't see about it now...
the thing is about a soldier/sailor is they have to be gone for long periods of time, so there's a whole 'nother can of worms involved there...
Dog
Posted by DeeJay on December 15, 2003, at 16:17:32
In reply to Re: really long post! » DeeJay, posted by Dog on December 15, 2003, at 16:07:49
I know, you are so right. When I talk to sailor man, he knows my current situation. He doesn't think I'm doing anything wrong because all we do is chat. Not like we used to. I truly believe I like it because it's something out of my reach. I know it, in fact. Because, I can guarantee, even if he did live here, and we were together all the time, I'd still feel like I do now.
I forgot to answer the med question. I've only been on Wellby about 2 weeks now. I go back to the doc on Friday, and I'm not sure I want to take the pill anymore...but I know I need something. I just don't know what it is. I tend to get that panicky feeling waaayy too much, especially when I'm in large crowds. I went to get the script refilled, but not sure if I'm going to pick it up. I just don't know yet.
I know what you mean about the harboring fantasies, and maybe I'm in love with that kind of stuff....out of reach challenges that just will NEVER happen, because they aren't real. I just wish these thoughts would go away. All we do is chat....and not very often. He's really busy and I am too, but he's always online, and I am too. Which, does not mean I talk to him all the time. I just feel bad sometimes because both my dad and my oldest brother cheated on their wives, as well as my ex did to me, and I can't stand that people do that to other people....but I don't think me talking to him is cheating. Now, when I think of him in ways that I don't think of my beau now.....that I feel like is cheating. But is it?.....ARghhhhh I don't know. As an outsider.....what do you think?...How do I know that my man doesn't harbor secret thoughts?.....You just never ever know.
That's the fastest typing I've ever done in my life......whew! what a workout!
Deej
Posted by Dog on December 15, 2003, at 16:53:41
In reply to Re: really long post!, posted by DeeJay on December 15, 2003, at 16:17:32
Deej,
i'd give Wellbutrin a try for at least a month or even more, unless you're experiencing some bad side effects...maybe just plain old Prozac would do... how are your periods? any PMS?i have fantasies though i am married... i can't help it sometimes... if it is wrong, i make sure and ask God for forgiveness... the thing is: i never act on my fantasies...i am committed to God and to my wife... i will not cheat on her...
i never tell her i fantasize though because i do not want to hurt her...i love her very much and she is very insecure...anyway, with a woman like her, any one i could find to cheat with would not compare to her... she is very lovely and very attractive...
oftentimes, i find myself fantasizing about her...she is a very beautiful woman...
if your man is a human being, i am sure he harbors fantasies, but you can't really ask him about it, in that don't be accusatory or judgemental, because in intimate relationships, both can be having fantasies, and one can ask the other about it, but still some jealousy and insecurity can result and just mess things up...sometimes its best to just leave it alone...men esp. have a large problem with it, i think more than women, because men are stimulated by sight more than most women... women, it takes some touch, tactile stimulation, like holding hands or just touching innocently somehow...as far as your fantasies? i don't know how much are you doing it and to what extent... do you constantly fantasize about this other guy or other guys? do you find yourself wishing you were with someone else when you're with beau? you have to be honest and forthright about it...but it might be something to talk to your counselor or another older woman you trust and admire...
i sense you have a high dramatic side to your personality and fantasies come to you very naturally, i bet...this makes you very interesting and exciting and fun to be with, but remember to not take yourself too seriously ...(do i sound like a fortune cookie?)
Dog
> I know, you are so right. When I talk to sailor man, he knows my current situation. He doesn't think I'm doing anything wrong because all we do is chat. Not like we used to. I truly believe I like it because it's something out of my reach. I know it, in fact. Because, I can guarantee, even if he did live here, and we were together all the time, I'd still feel like I do now.
>
> I forgot to answer the med question. I've only been on Wellby about 2 weeks now. I go back to the doc on Friday, and I'm not sure I want to take the pill anymore...but I know I need something. I just don't know what it is. I tend to get that panicky feeling waaayy too much, especially when I'm in large crowds. I went to get the script refilled, but not sure if I'm going to pick it up. I just don't know yet.
>
> I know what you mean about the harboring fantasies, and maybe I'm in love with that kind of stuff....out of reach challenges that just will NEVER happen, because they aren't real. I just wish these thoughts would go away. All we do is chat....and not very often. He's really busy and I am too, but he's always online, and I am too. Which, does not mean I talk to him all the time. I just feel bad sometimes because both my dad and my oldest brother cheated on their wives, as well as my ex did to me, and I can't stand that people do that to other people....but I don't think me talking to him is cheating. Now, when I think of him in ways that I don't think of my beau now.....that I feel like is cheating. But is it?.....ARghhhhh I don't know. As an outsider.....what do you think?...How do I know that my man doesn't harbor secret thoughts?.....You just never ever know.
>
> That's the fastest typing I've ever done in my life......whew! what a workout!
>
> Deej
Posted by DeeJay on December 15, 2003, at 16:57:12
In reply to Re: really long post!, posted by Dog on December 15, 2003, at 16:53:41
Thanks Dog...I'm leaving work now, but I will definetley expound on that point tomorrow....!!!
Cheers....!
Deej
Posted by Dog on December 16, 2003, at 8:57:03
In reply to Re: really long post!, posted by DeeJay on December 15, 2003, at 16:57:12
Deej, have been reluctant to ask you, but just wanted to know what you thought: have enjoyed conversing with you, but it would probably be easier if we exchanged emails... what do you think?
Dog
Posted by DeeJay on December 16, 2003, at 9:29:04
In reply to Re: really long post! » DeeJay, posted by Dog on December 16, 2003, at 8:57:03
Dog---I don't mind, except for the fact that it will be posted for all to see....am I wrong? Honestly, I actually like coming on this site...it's become a part of my day. I went back to read your previous post about my pms etc, etc...and I do have it pretty bad. But I have all my life. As for the fantasy part, the sailor and I weren't a fantasy....it was real....for a few months....and the thing with my beau is that he truly believes (his words, NOT mine) there is no one in the world as beautiful as me...;p...and, I'm not used to this kind of stuff.....I usually go for the ones who are harder to break.
He says he only thinks about me....but who knows. I say that too......except, I have a bad poker face sometimes......But I'm trying, for the first time in my life. I'm trying to slowly believe the other doesn't exist. Slowly. I have some things to do, and let me ponder the email thing. No offense to you by any means....just cautious, that's all...;)
Cheers,
Deej
Posted by Dog on December 16, 2003, at 10:25:42
In reply to Bad poker face » Dog, posted by DeeJay on December 16, 2003, at 9:29:04
Deej, lets take it slow: no emails...
i'm a little uncomfortable right now with trading emails also..i might have been out of line re asking re pms...sorry, i can be a little too abrupt at times...its just my wife has had a terrible time and i have studied it some: formally and on my own...now shes taking prozac and it helps some...she is considering a hysterectomy now at 36 due to the pain she has...i will support her whatever she wants...
delving into fantasies: i don't think they're bad, but usually even necessary, but if you're in an exclusive relationship, and you're having them about someone else, i think you should be cautious:
1. it might be your subconcious is telling you the relationship you're in isn't satisfying, esp. if they're all the time and you're being bothered by them
2. telling them and talking about them to your beau could be even insulting to him...his feelings could be hurt, even irrepairably... at least it might make him feel inadequate...it sounds like he has significantly bonded with you...you're his "one and only"... please be respectful of that, for both of your sakes...always keep in mind the other's feelings...
remember love is two-way street... there are sometimes a lot of curves, but if its one-way, then its not healthy... it has to be reciprocated and i think it is in your case...i know what you mean re cheating... my Dad cheated on my Mom... my brother had an affair for 3 years with his best friends wife, then they both divorced and married each other, but it wasn't right... it would be difficult to live with that, both in your own soul and knowing how you've hurt your children and ex-spouses...and, of course, God...
my sister is on her 3rd marriage...my wife and i have been married for 13 years, both of us are 1st-timers...she is so beautiful, inside and out...we have had some intense, profound problems, primarily due, i think to both of our up-bringings, but at least we never cheated on each other...we've went to marriage encounters and seminars and those seem to help and we've gotten counseling: both individual and together...
i think thats important: when problems happen that seem overwhelming, to be willing to admit you need help and to get it in the form of counseling, etc.... its a lot of work, but its worth it...your vows are holy and remember they are/will be very hard to keep at times...
when you go into it, try and be flexible re your expectations... be willing to lower them to fit the circumstances at times...be ready to change...he will change and you will also...its cool to remember your courtship and honeymoon days, but they don't last forever...although i have heard some older couples say its like they are still on their honeymoon, i take what they say lightly...thats not reality...the marriage bed is holy... almost anything goes there, as long as you're both consenting, but if one of you is not satisfied or is not being satisfied, don't be afraid to get help there too by consulting an MD or someone PhD who is expert in that field of counseling...
you said you had been to two weddings recently... do you dream of a big, fancy wedding someday?
Posted by DeeJay on December 16, 2003, at 10:31:45
In reply to Re: Bad poker face, posted by Dog on December 16, 2003, at 10:25:42
Dog---
No dreams of a big fancy wedding. I want to go to Hawaii and get married on the beach in flip flops, then come home and have a party. It's too expensive...and just a big show to me, that seems unnecessary.
I'm wowed at the amount of infidelity you have seen, and even more so at how much you love your wife. That is so great. I know my beau has major insecurities because I have been with a few more people than he has...and had major relationships, where this is his first. It can be very difficult because I am very impatient. I don't know. My sailor friend says he sees me as that....a friend...and I do to, with him. And I know it's a fantasy and we had good times, but I am with a new person now....I just can't turn off my brain. Do you have kids?....I think I remember you saying that?....I could be wrong.....
Deej
Posted by Dog on December 16, 2003, at 11:44:34
In reply to Re: Bad poker face » Dog, posted by DeeJay on December 16, 2003, at 10:31:45
Deej, Hawaii sounds great! my cousin and a buddy saved up money for a round-trip ticket there and that is about all they had... they lived on the beach for 6 weeks just eating at the Lu-als (sp?) the hotels and different people had at the beach areas...they lived in a tent with no money for that whole time...
i think you're doing fine... sounds like you had a lot of guys around you growing up and now you feel greatly at ease around men... not that there's any hanky-panky going on... its just that that is what you are used to...if your relationship w/ beau evolves though, you might have to cut ties with old boyfriends...even if it is only via email, for fidelity's sake...its one of those gray areas, i guess...but you'll know what to do...
the thing is: you are very young! it doesn't feel like it, i know, but you'll look back and see...just have fun and be...sometimes its not good to psychoanalyze yourself too much... self-obsession they call it, though i'm that way alot..its not good to do that too much...i am blessed with a daughter.. she's 9 now.. we're homeschooling and its going great...she is very nearly the perfect child...it worries me sometimes that she is so perfect...my wife had pre-eclampsia and i nearly lost both of them... my wife had to be hospitalized for two weeks before the birth, but everything turned out fine...
> Dog---
>
> No dreams of a big fancy wedding. I want to go to Hawaii and get married on the beach in flip flops, then come home and have a party. It's too expensive...and just a big show to me, that seems unnecessary.
>
> I'm wowed at the amount of infidelity you have seen, and even more so at how much you love your wife. That is so great. I know my beau has major insecurities because I have been with a few more people than he has...and had major relationships, where this is his first. It can be very difficult because I am very impatient. I don't know. My sailor friend says he sees me as that....a friend...and I do to, with him. And I know it's a fantasy and we had good times, but I am with a new person now....I just can't turn off my brain. Do you have kids?....I think I remember you saying that?....I could be wrong.....
>
>
> Deej
Posted by DeeJay on December 16, 2003, at 12:03:31
In reply to Re: Bad poker face » DeeJay, posted by Dog on December 16, 2003, at 11:44:34
Dog---
That's great...I don't know if I'll be able to have kids. I've had some mild problems in the past, and every time someone does the necklace trick on the palm of my hand to see how many and what gender kids I'm going to have, I get 1 boy. (not that I soley believe in this theory....but it was dead on with my mother).....you should try it on your wife. Just take a necklace chain and hold it over the palm of her hand....if it starts to sway back and forth it's a boy....if it moves in a circular motion, a girl. If it continues..then you're having more kids...;)Um, I think that's how it goes. Sounds silly, and maybe you've heard of this, but it's fun to do.
My oldest brother has 2 kids....one is 5 (girl), the other just a little over a year (boy). They have the best of both worlds, and it's the same woman he cheated on but somehow reconciled with. We were all amazed and sincerely happy.
My other brother and his wife are adopting a child from Russia (with love) soon. They can't have kids. I'm physically scared of having them myself...!
Thanks for all the reality-checking, self-absorbing-turned-assuring advice.....it's really made me think alot! Maybe one day I'll go to Hawaii, I don't know about living there with no money, but I sure would love to bury my head in the sand for a week with a pina colada in my hand....aaaaahhhhh.
Deej
Posted by Dog on December 16, 2003, at 13:43:17
In reply to Re: Bad poker face » Dog, posted by DeeJay on December 16, 2003, at 12:03:31
Deej, you'll have kids.. just stay clean, watch out for STDs (not that you have any problems with that anyway), take care of yourself, stay close with your gynecologist... keep close to God...one of the old Jewish holy books, the Midrash i think, says God has 3 keys... one is birth, the other life and death, and i think the other is rain...anyway, God gives us children... ask Him, but don't ask chains and ouija boards or psychics as they'll only get you into trouble...
i used to pray for my daughter years and years before she was conceived or i was even married, or even met my wife and am reaping the benefits of that now, i believe...i didn't know then she'd be a girl, but i knew i'd have a child someday...i am very grateful she is a girl...because of the pre-eclampsia thing, we didn't want to chance it again, so i got clipped...
anyway, re praying for a child someday, i recommend you do the same and God will bless you similarly i'm sure, or maybe exponentially! i believe God is even better than fertility drugs!
Dog> Dog---
>
> That's great...I don't know if I'll be able to have kids. I've had some mild problems in the past, and every time someone does the necklace trick on the palm of my hand to see how many and what gender kids I'm going to have, I get 1 boy. (not that I soley believe in this theory....but it was dead on with my mother).....you should try it on your wife. Just take a necklace chain and hold it over the palm of her hand....if it starts to sway back and forth it's a boy....if it moves in a circular motion, a girl. If it continues..then you're having more kids...;)Um, I think that's how it goes. Sounds silly, and maybe you've heard of this, but it's fun to do.
>
> My oldest brother has 2 kids....one is 5 (girl), the other just a little over a year (boy). They have the best of both worlds, and it's the same woman he cheated on but somehow reconciled with. We were all amazed and sincerely happy.
>
> My other brother and his wife are adopting a child from Russia (with love) soon. They can't have kids. I'm physically scared of having them myself...!
>
> Thanks for all the reality-checking, self-absorbing-turned-assuring advice.....it's really made me think alot! Maybe one day I'll go to Hawaii, I don't know about living there with no money, but I sure would love to bury my head in the sand for a week with a pina colada in my hand....aaaaahhhhh.
>
> Deej
This is the end of the thread.
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