Posted by Dog on December 16, 2003, at 10:25:42
In reply to Bad poker face » Dog, posted by DeeJay on December 16, 2003, at 9:29:04
Deej, lets take it slow: no emails...
i'm a little uncomfortable right now with trading emails also..i might have been out of line re asking re pms...sorry, i can be a little too abrupt at times...its just my wife has had a terrible time and i have studied it some: formally and on my own...now shes taking prozac and it helps some...she is considering a hysterectomy now at 36 due to the pain she has...i will support her whatever she wants...
delving into fantasies: i don't think they're bad, but usually even necessary, but if you're in an exclusive relationship, and you're having them about someone else, i think you should be cautious:
1. it might be your subconcious is telling you the relationship you're in isn't satisfying, esp. if they're all the time and you're being bothered by them
2. telling them and talking about them to your beau could be even insulting to him...his feelings could be hurt, even irrepairably... at least it might make him feel inadequate...it sounds like he has significantly bonded with you...you're his "one and only"... please be respectful of that, for both of your sakes...always keep in mind the other's feelings...
remember love is two-way street... there are sometimes a lot of curves, but if its one-way, then its not healthy... it has to be reciprocated and i think it is in your case...i know what you mean re cheating... my Dad cheated on my Mom... my brother had an affair for 3 years with his best friends wife, then they both divorced and married each other, but it wasn't right... it would be difficult to live with that, both in your own soul and knowing how you've hurt your children and ex-spouses...and, of course, God...
my sister is on her 3rd marriage...my wife and i have been married for 13 years, both of us are 1st-timers...she is so beautiful, inside and out...we have had some intense, profound problems, primarily due, i think to both of our up-bringings, but at least we never cheated on each other...we've went to marriage encounters and seminars and those seem to help and we've gotten counseling: both individual and together...
i think thats important: when problems happen that seem overwhelming, to be willing to admit you need help and to get it in the form of counseling, etc.... its a lot of work, but its worth it...your vows are holy and remember they are/will be very hard to keep at times...
when you go into it, try and be flexible re your expectations... be willing to lower them to fit the circumstances at times...be ready to change...he will change and you will also...its cool to remember your courtship and honeymoon days, but they don't last forever...although i have heard some older couples say its like they are still on their honeymoon, i take what they say lightly...thats not reality...the marriage bed is holy... almost anything goes there, as long as you're both consenting, but if one of you is not satisfied or is not being satisfied, don't be afraid to get help there too by consulting an MD or someone PhD who is expert in that field of counseling...
you said you had been to two weddings recently... do you dream of a big, fancy wedding someday?
poster:Dog
thread:288897
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031207/msgs/290492.html