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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tina on July 6, 2003, at 21:03:51
In the first week of my husband's absence, I was sad, hurt, weepy and weak. Now, 3 and a half weeks later, I'm so angry all the time and I don't know what to do with it. I've started working out with weights again so I can channel the rage into the workout. I started running again too trying to control it that way as well but it just seems to be getting bigger. More and more impatient rage, day after day.. Whenever I think of my husband, I want to go to wherever he is and pummel him into jello. I want to run him over with my car. I want him painfully damaged, I want to scream in his face and drag his mutilated body through the streets. I know I can't do this. I have to be an adult and in control of myself. But, I don't know what I'm supposed to do with all this anger and rage. I sit in a corner shaking with pent up anger and then dissolve into tears because I can't do anything with the anger. I can't let it out because it would only make me look bad, stupid, unstable.
Help me please. I'm about to go "postal"
i've never felt such intense emotion.
I need an outlet but nothing works.
I don't know what to do.
T
Posted by zenhussy on July 6, 2003, at 21:51:20
In reply to What do I do with the anger?, posted by tina on July 6, 2003, at 21:03:51
Tina,
Can I give you the address of my evil ex and have you go vent this rage on him? He thought punching me in the face was a good idea earlier this year. I've got anger and rage too. Therapists over the years have had few ideas that have helped.
When I'm more grounded next week after hopefully returning to the lower 48 (out in the Maritimes currently) and having my acupuncture which will be like nirvana after all these weeks I will gather some of my rage/anger stuff and post it here to see if anything jumps out at you as a good fit.
It sounds great that you are being physical and getting out and about. And hell woman, you have a lot to be angry about. It makes sense to me that the anger and rage are building.
Did you ever get to express any of it during the marriage? Perhaps now is when ALL of it is bubbling up to the surface (some marriage stuff, some husband stuff, and probably a helluva lot of other miscelleanous stuff from way back when til now).
Like I asked Janejj in another post...it would help tremendously to remind me after the 10th to get back to you with information since my travel day home takes about 12 hours and I'm usually brainless for a day or two after coming or going from CA to the Maritimes.
Hope you had a good Canada Day. Was my first up here. I was quite pleased with the show of pride folks around here put on. Lots more Provincial flags than the Maple Leaf but that's these odd ducks out here for ya.
Will get back to you with some good rage/anger stuff once I'm back on working pc with all my info at hand and links and articles galore.
Until then be angry and let it come out. Holding it in isn't healthy (if Racer gets to be the poster child for mental health then I get to be the poster child of what happens when you repress feelings for years---you become a nut like me!)
zenhussy
Posted by fallsfall on July 6, 2003, at 22:54:15
In reply to What do I do with the anger?, posted by tina on July 6, 2003, at 21:03:51
I am no good at anger at all.
But, if it were me, I would try either journalling, or writing a letter to the rat (you probably don't want to actually send the letter, but writing it can be really helpful). This lets you get the feelings out in a safe way.
I look forward to the responses to your question. I supress my anger, but I think that my therapist intends for it to find its way out soon...
Posted by justyourlaugh on July 6, 2003, at 23:29:38
In reply to What do I do with the anger?, posted by tina on July 6, 2003, at 21:03:51
tina,,,
i think i am leaving him tomorrow..
going to pack up the van and go away...
with all my 5 jewels...
just drive.....i really have no where to go but i am almost there!
keep the peace sweet tina...
love shannon
Posted by lil' jimi on July 7, 2003, at 13:09:28
In reply to What do I do with the anger?, posted by tina on July 6, 2003, at 21:03:51
hi tina,
i fight unfocused rage on a regular basis ... ... innocuous stuff will have me seething at innocent folks ... ... and then something real will set me off and steam will start coming out my ears (not really, of course) ... ... it's when i have a real reason to be mad that i face the greatest challenge ...
before i share, please allow me to apologize ... ... i do not presume to presume on your spiritual beliefs ... ... i will depend on you to fill in the blanks with the appropriate variables of your faith ... ...
i have come to recognize that there is a LOT of energy in my anger, and that i need to do 2 things with it:
1) not let it hurt me
and
2) not let it hurt anyone else ... ..
.. .. which can be tough when there's a prime candidate just begging for it (!) ...
... but i do mean "to not hurt Emotionally" ...
... .. ... i am not physical with this stuff ....... similarly, i have come to realize that
1) i am not as smart as i think i am
and
2) i am a LOT less smart when i am mad ... ...SO
... ... when i am angry i call upon a Higher Power i can trust (i am a Buddhist, but this is one of those blanks you can fill in as you please); then i solicit Their wisdom and make the anger's energy my offering to Them that They may direct my energy with Their wisdom toward justice.
... ... this works for me in (at least!) 2 ways:
1) i get rid of the energy
and
2) it goes to Those Who know how to better direct it to the goals i would choose AND to better effect than i would use it ... ... if i could use it to any good at all!then i can relax with the faith that Those Who can help me will see to those who would hurt me ... ... without me engaging in the process.
i hope this helps you ... ... let me know if i can make this clearer for you ...
be at peace,
~ jim
Posted by Tabitha on July 7, 2003, at 21:32:59
In reply to What do I do with the anger?, posted by tina on July 6, 2003, at 21:03:51
you know the old cliche, depression is anger turned inward, so maybe anger is a better option at this point? At least there's energy in it.
Posted by tina on July 7, 2003, at 22:17:35
In reply to Re: What do I do with the anger?, posted by Tabitha on July 7, 2003, at 21:32:59
Great advice, as usual. I have written countless letters and I journal nightly. It hasn't helped so far. I punch pillows, and punching bags to no avail either.
Jim, I'm intrigued by buddhism and only wish I could find the inner peace that it brings.
Shannon, email me and tell me what's going on if you can. I'd love to just pack up and leave too but I have this job that I desperately need right now. I was sick as a dog today but I had to drag myself in to work because I need the money so badly. Email me ok?
Sweet Zen, the anger battle is skirmish after skirmish for a lifetime. I have anger that goes back so far that I get lost in it. It seems I've been angry forever.thank you everyone for your honest and generous advice. I only wish some of it worked. This rage is like nothing I've ever experienced before and none of the usual things are helping. I wish I could just have it surgically removed.
~BIG sigh~
I'll keep you posted.
love
tina
Posted by zenhussy on July 7, 2003, at 22:41:30
In reply to Re: What do I do with the anger?thanks everyone, posted by tina on July 7, 2003, at 22:17:35
Tina,
Like I said I'll get back to my home pc later this week with countless links, articles, books, etc all about anger. But I happen to have a book on me and as soon as you mentioned buddhism the little (and it is tiny!) light went on in my head.
Anger. Wisdom for Cooling the Flames. by Thich Nhat Hanh ISBN 1-57322-937-7 paperback $13 in States and $19 in Canada. Doc Bob knows why I don't use his damn double double quote feature.
It is an AMAZING book that has touched me in many ways over the past several months. I reread it often and find new things jumping out at me each time. I picked my copy up secondhand. Perhaps the library has a copy. Thich Nhat Hanh is a Nobel Peace Prize nominee Buddhist monk and Vietnam refugee. His words bring about such peace that I've found nowhere else. And for anger that is saying a helluva lot.
I never want to force anything on anyone but for now this is what I have access to and hope that perhaps you can get your hands on a copy and see if it doesn't help sort out some of the anger you are going through.
When I first picked it up I was too damn angry to even get through more than a couple of pages at a time. Then I began to get into it. Then I spent one day reading three chapters and bawling my eyes out as I read them. It is different for everyone.
I find his words most easy to digest and wise and thoughful--never forceful or telling you what to do. Instead just life lessons brought about gently and with great kindness. Kinda like we all need to show our angry hearts and souls.
Wishing you some peace and wishing you to continue being honest in your anger. That alone is quite an accomplishment.
Chapter Eight--David and Angelina--The Habit Energy of Anger could be a good place to jump into this book should you be interested.
Keep on being angry and honest. That is more than most ever do Tina.
Glad you're still here.
zh
> Great advice, as usual. I have written countless letters and I journal nightly. It hasn't helped so far. I punch pillows, and punching bags to no avail either.
> Jim, I'm intrigued by buddhism and only wish I could find the inner peace that it brings.
> Shannon, email me and tell me what's going on if you can. I'd love to just pack up and leave too but I have this job that I desperately need right now. I was sick as a dog today but I had to drag myself in to work because I need the money so badly. Email me ok?
> Sweet Zen, the anger battle is skirmish after skirmish for a lifetime. I have anger that goes back so far that I get lost in it. It seems I've been angry forever.
>
> thank you everyone for your honest and generous advice. I only wish some of it worked. This rage is like nothing I've ever experienced before and none of the usual things are helping. I wish I could just have it surgically removed.
> ~BIG sigh~
> I'll keep you posted.
> love
> tina
>
Posted by lil' jimi on July 8, 2003, at 16:27:59
In reply to re: What do I do with the anger? » tina, posted by lil' jimi on July 7, 2003, at 13:09:28
hi again tina,
because i sense the intensity of your anger-problem ... ... i'm offering some more details ... ... if this is aggravating or anything just blow it off, okay?
also i sense your rage is a new challenge for you, whereas i'm used to my rage and have benefited from these adaptations, which may not work for you ... ... i remember when i felt anxiety for the first time, and then the shock of realizing some folks feel that way ALL of the TIME!
here's my details:
Manjushri is the Bodhisattva of Infinite Wisdom
and he has a wrathful aspect because he used to be a demon, who was converted to Buddhism by Padmasambava ... ... but he still uses his wrathful aspect to protect the Dharma and to fight delusion and ignorance ... ... and any other unconverted demons and miscreants ... ...Anyway, Manjushri is my guy ... ... with his infinite wisdom, totally vengeful capacity, and power of enlightenment, he can way outdo any sense of injustice i could ever feel ... ... He really is the bad guys' worst nightmare ... .. ...
... ... so when my need arises ...
i direct my energies to Manjushri and repeat his mantra internally ... ... until i feel relief ...although it is written as:
om ah rah pa tsa nha dhi
... it is pronounced:Om Ah Ra Pa Cha Na Dee.
hey, it works for me ...
... a little bit of "count to ten",
... a little bit of mystical vengeance,
... a lot of catharsis ... ...because there Is a LOT of energy in anger, BUT it is corrosive if you can't find any effective means to vent it ...
... and these are the details of the means i use ...(.. ... .. and if buddhism was SO great then why does jim have to take 10mg of lexapro a day?)
... besides Manjushri does not care if you are a buddhist, really ... he will work for you ...
alternatively, try your own guardian angel ... .. they work cheap too ... ... the saints can tend to be too nice ... if you know what i mean.
in emergencies, screaming (primal?) and vigorous exercise (punching bags?) can help ... ... but you got to pick the right time and place for that stuff ...
... ... this response is my attempt to give you options ... ... please ignore as you see fit ...
take care!!
~ jim
Posted by lil' jimi on July 10, 2003, at 4:36:17
In reply to book I have on me and am reading all the damn time » tina, posted by zenhussy on July 7, 2003, at 22:41:30
hi zenhussy,
>Anger. Wisdom for Cooling the Flames. by Thich Nhat Hanh ISBN 1-57322-937-7 paperback $13 in States and $19 in Canada. Doc Bob knows why I don't use his damn double double quote feature.
thanks for this great post ... ... i'm ("he thinks he's a buddhist") looking forward to getting this Thich Nhat Hanh book, he has so many ...
.... .... listen, maybe it's none of my business, but is there something we should know about amazon or something else about Dr. Bob's double-double quotes? ... ... is this something i should avoid too?
take care,
~ jim
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