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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Rhainy on August 16, 2000, at 9:43:14
Greetings All,
I wanted to post a very long and detailed post, but have decided I would bore most to tears so I will be as brief as I can...
Last year I finally agreed with everyone around me that I had to get some kind of help. I had quit a good paying job due to finally having had enough Religious Harrassment and I didnt realize at the time, I had let the boss control me. I am a very strong willed and assertive/agressive person who normally will stand up for what I believe in. Due to being in the process of buying a house, I allowed myself to be emotionally controled by this woman for much longer than normal.
I *Think* this is where my depression actually began though I didnt realize I even had a problem til about 8 months later, when everyone kept saying *What's Wrong?* to me on a regular basis...I mean like every day or so...
Shortly after Finally finding another job, I was injured at work and found I had Advanced Osteoarthritis of the spine. My doc told me I would most likely be in a wheelchair within about 10 years. (Read *add more fuel to the depression* here).
One thing I have also discovered is that I bought into the whole *BIg is OK* thing and have allowed my body to go to hell..I now weigh about 295 pounds and though I am large framed and tall (5'8") I Hate the extra weight on my body. At 39 I do not expect to become Twiggy, but I want to become healthy and fit again...and I Hate Myself for allowing my self image to buy into that whole *Big is Beautiful* thing. I do not say it is not right for Some people..but I myself used it as a cop-out and a way to be acceptable and lazy.(read here..*Not have to do anything to keep fit*)
THen to add even more fuel, my Father (59) was diagnosed with advanced terminal cancer and is dying...
Ok so How do I get it all back together? I went to my Family Doc and was put on Wellbutrin, didnt work, neither did Paxil, Celexa and tho Prozac worked..I refused to give up a very active Healthy sex life to not being able to achieve orgasm without adn Act of God.
So now I am living on the edge...I wake up each morning adn wonder how I will make it through the day. I cannot afford to go to a PDoc and have not been able as of yet, to find a good Gen Practitioner to help me through all this.
I have a real and constant problem with control issues. At present I do not feel in control of myself at all. This is a Very Scary place for me.
Another thing I might mention is that I am married (for almost 10 years now) to the Most Wonderful and Supportive Man in the World (well for me he is LOL) BUT He has his own issues which although they affect me deeply, he needs to work through on his own. He is as supportive as I could hope for almost always. The issues he is dealing with are matters of Trust and do affect me negatively, but until he works them through, the only 2 choices I have are to be patient adn stick it out, or leave...I chose to stay and hope the end results are for the best of both of us. Thankfully he Is working on it, as many men would notbe doing the inner work needed to solve this issue.
I have a home-based business which might have been our salvation financially, but I cannot/wiilnot work, as I cannot/willnot get motivated and cannot/willnot finish the orders I have already been paid for. Which brings up another point, finances are one of my biggest issues. I do not have the means to seek the real help I nned and cannot qualify for any assistance due to the fact that we (*Supposedly*) make too much money...Yeah RIght!
Ok I just realized many may not understadn the *cannot/willnot* way I wrote in some places...I read a very good articel about how *Can't Is A Lie* and I agree with the overall feeling that the author states. Most cases when we use *Can't* it is a case of Will not, rather than cannot.
Ok I think I have rambled on long enough, for those who managed to read all the way through this, thanks and my point....Any ideas on how to cope until I can get a good doc and get my meds and self sorted out?
Blessings,
Rhainy
Posted by Kath on August 16, 2000, at 11:10:17
In reply to Living On The Edge, posted by Rhainy on August 16, 2000, at 9:43:14
....Any ideas on how to cope until I can get a good doc and get my meds and self sorted out?
Hi Rhainy - In answer to your question. Yup! If you have a local CoDA group (Co-dependents Anonymous) try it out!! Control issues are a major issue in Co-dependency. I've been going for almost 4 months & my life has changed. The way I THINK has changed. My life is not feeling out-of-control like it did before.
CoDA is a 12-Step group. To find the nearest one, you could phone your nearest hospital or mental health office, or contact your nearest AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). If there isn't a CoDA group, maybe there'd be an "Emotions Anonymous" or "Depressed Anonymous" group.
The people at my CoDA group are like a supportive, loving family to me.
If you have any questions about this, please ask me. I'd be glad to try & help you if you'd like to go this route.
Warm thoughts, Kath
Posted by Rhainy on August 16, 2000, at 11:51:57
In reply to Re: Living On The Edge » Rhainy, posted by Kath on August 16, 2000, at 11:10:17
Kath,
Again I can only say thank you!
> Hi Rhainy - In answer to your question. Yup! If you have a local CoDA group (Co-dependents Anonymous) try it out >
> If you have any questions about this, please ask me. I'd be glad to try & help you if you'd like to go this route.I have only one car but will see if I cant get it long enough to be able to go to a meeting or two and see how it works. It is not too Religiously based is it? I have a prob with Many, tho by no means all, 12-step programs which are Christian based and along with the program try to push their religion on you as well...
Blessings
Rhainy
Posted by Greg on August 16, 2000, at 13:46:48
In reply to Re: Living On The Edge » Kath, posted by Rhainy on August 16, 2000, at 11:51:57
Rhainy,
As a veteran of AA (13 years sober) I can tell you that all 12 step programs are based on belief of a "higher power". I think where some programs have a parting of the ways are that the programs like AA, NA, CoDA encourage YOU to determine who or what that higher power might be instead of forcing the idea that it must be God. I think Kath has a great idea here. I've known her for awhile now and have found her to be thoughtful, caring and supportive. I know she would never steer anyone in the wrong direction.
I would like to offer my support to you in any way you see fit. If there's anything you'd like to ask or just need someone to talk to, please give me a yell.
My thoughts are with you.
Hugs,
Greg
Posted by Rhainy on August 16, 2000, at 15:08:44
In reply to Re: Living On The Edge, posted by Greg on August 16, 2000, at 13:46:48
> Rhainy,
>
> As a veteran of AA (13 years sober) I can tell you that all 12 step programs are based on belief of a "higher power". I think where some programs have a parting of the ways are that the programs like AA, NA, CoDA encourage YOU to determine who or what that higher power might be instead of forcing the idea that it must be God. I think Kath has a great idea here. I've known her for awhile now and have found her to be thoughtful, caring and supportive. I know she would never steer anyone in the wrong direction.I can agree withher on this as long as I dont run into more Bible Thumpres, no offense intended, but I have at other 12 step group meetings I have gone to with friends.
>
> I would like to offer my support to you in any way you see fit. If there's anything you'd like to ask or just need someone to talk to, please give me a yell.
>Thanks for your offer and do not be too surprised if I take you up on it...my supposed friends have all disappeared, leaving me and Hubby to cope with all of this alone witheach other.
Blessings,
Rhainy
Posted by Greg on August 17, 2000, at 9:03:28
In reply to Re: Living On The EdgeThanks! » Greg, posted by Rhainy on August 16, 2000, at 15:08:44
Rhainy,
If you ever want to talk offline, my e-mail addresses are
dcguy@home.com (home)
gwhite@cadence.com (work)Don't hesitate you give me a shout, nothing worse than feeling like you're all alone. And I can assure you that you're not!
Greg
Posted by Rhainy on August 17, 2000, at 9:31:55
In reply to Re: Living On The EdgeThanks! » Rhainy, posted by Greg on August 17, 2000, at 9:03:28
Greg,
Thanks, I do feel alone and isolated many times but have also realized that the True friends are still around even if distant (New Zealand and Michigan)
>
> If you ever want to talk offline, my e-mail addresses are
>
> dcguy@home.com (home)
> gwhite@cadence.com (work)
>
> Don't hesitate you give me a shout, nothing worse than feeling like you're all alone. And I can assure you that you're not!I will take you up on your offer I am sure...right now I am fighting to stay focused enough to finish these orders and get them to my customers...then I may actually shut down my webpage and see what life brings...tho I am still not sure. I sure hate this Not being able to focus stuff..I used to be a Top Notch Multi-Tasker...SIGH
Blessings,
Rhainy
Posted by Nibor on August 17, 2000, at 9:57:03
In reply to Re: Living On The EdgeThanks!, posted by Rhainy on August 17, 2000, at 9:31:55
Hi Rhainy
The advice about finding a group is excellent. I hear what you're saying about the Religion aspect though. What about unaffiliated self-help groups. If there are none in your area maybe you can get one started by posting an an ad in a local paper, or some such publicity.
I hope you don't mind my mentioning our website again, but on http://www.undoingdepression.com we have a page about Starting a Self-Help Group. Perhaps that can give you some ideas. I know from personal experience that following the methods there can make big changes in people's lives.
Take Care of Yourself.
Nibor
> I will take you up on your offer I am sure...right now I am fighting to stay focused enough to finish these orders and get them to my customers...then I may actually shut down my webpage and see what life brings...tho I am still not sure. I sure hate this Not being able to focus stuff..I used to be a Top Notch Multi-Tasker...SIGH
>
> Blessings,
> Rhainy
Posted by Rhainy on August 17, 2000, at 10:10:00
In reply to Re: Living On The Edge » Rhainy, posted by Nibor on August 17, 2000, at 9:57:03
Nibor,
I dont mind you mentioning the site again...I will check into it when I have the car next week. I dont have a phone right now due to money mismanagement (Mine) and only get to use the car 1 day a week or so.
I agree a group may be ehlpful and maybe I *Can* start a group based on the same principles which is Non-Denominational....we will have to see where my head is at next week.
I appreciate all the support I have gotten as a newbie here and am Very glad I found these boards...they are helping me maintain what little sanity I have left.
BLessings,
Rhainy
Posted by Kath on August 17, 2000, at 23:07:24
In reply to Re: Living On The Edge » Kath, posted by Rhainy on August 16, 2000, at 11:51:57
Hi Rhainy - You're welcome. In the 12 steps of CoDA it mentions "God in whatever way you think of God" or something like that. It talks about a "higher power" but is not Christian-based at all. In other words, it talks of a belief in some power greater than ourselves, but people of any religion or no religion can go & benefit from it. One of the men in our group doesn't believe in God at all & finds that aspect a little difficult, but benefits greatly from the group.
Let me now what you think of it if you go. Haven't read the rest of this thread yet & might not right now.
Love, Kath
> Kath,
>
> Again I can only say thank you!
>
> > Hi Rhainy - In answer to your question. Yup! If you have a local CoDA group (Co-dependents Anonymous) try it out >
> > If you have any questions about this, please ask me. I'd be glad to try & help you if you'd like to go this route.
>
> I have only one car but will see if I cant get it long enough to be able to go to a meeting or two and see how it works. It is not too Religiously based is it? I have a prob with Many, tho by no means all, 12-step programs which are Christian based and along with the program try to push their religion on you as well...
>
> Blessings
> Rhainy
Posted by stjames on August 17, 2000, at 23:19:17
In reply to Living On The Edge, posted by Rhainy on August 16, 2000, at 9:43:14
I would sugest some counceling. Check with your doc to see who does sliding scale work. Most cities here have a clinic that does low cost services. Sounds like you have things going on
that meds alone will not fix.james
Posted by Kath on August 17, 2000, at 23:21:35
In reply to Re: Living On The Edge » Nibor, posted by Rhainy on August 17, 2000, at 10:10:00
Hi Rhainy - Here I am again, so soon; have followed this thread & once again, if you don't feel you have the energy right now to start a group, you might at least want to go once to CoDA & see how it feels.
I'd be very surprised if it puts 'descriptions' on 'God'. From our meetings, if I perceived 'God' or 'Higher Power' as a spirit living in a mountain or some volcano, or insert 'Universe' or 'Nature' for 'God' I could still benefit enormously from CoDA. I am not Christian. I believe very much in a Higher Power & it's a really important part of my life, but I'm not any particular religion.
One of the things that I LOVE about our CoDA group is how caring & accepting the members are. I cannot think of 1 who is not kind, gentle & truly caring! Naturally, there are different personalities & I am drawn to some more than others, but they're all very accepting of where everyone else is. It's truly one of the best things that's ever happened to me. I've made 3 very good friends in the group already after just 3 1/2 months.It must feel sad to lose your friends. My thoughts are with you & your husband. Take care, & keep in touch.
Love, Kath
> Nibor,
>
> I dont mind you mentioning the site again...I will check into it when I have the car next week. I dont have a phone right now due to money mismanagement (Mine) and only get to use the car 1 day a week or so.
>
> I agree a group may be ehlpful and maybe I *Can* start a group based on the same principles which is Non-Denominational....we will have to see where my head is at next week.
>
> I appreciate all the support I have gotten as a newbie here and am Very glad I found these boards...they are helping me maintain what little sanity I have left.
>
> BLessings,
> Rhainy
Posted by Kath on August 17, 2000, at 23:23:02
In reply to Re: Living On The Edge, posted by stjames on August 17, 2000, at 23:19:17
> I would sugest some counceling. Check with your doc to see who does sliding scale work. Most cities here have a clinic that does low cost services. Sounds like you have things going on
> that meds alone will not fix.
>
> james
Posted by Rhainy on August 17, 2000, at 23:30:05
In reply to Rhainy - I agree with stjames (no post), posted by Kath on August 17, 2000, at 23:23:02
THanks to all of you for your input...it is so very nice to know I am not totally nuts.
I will look into getting a counselor if not a PDoc and also will see about trying to find a CoDA group as well...I Need Something.
I am reading a book called _I Want To Change, BUt I Dont Know How_ and it is putting some interesting (Good Ideas) thoughts in my mind.
Thank You All Again, It means alot to have a place to be able to openly share.
BLessings,
Rhainy
Posted by Kath on August 18, 2000, at 9:20:43
In reply to Thanks To All WIll Give It My Best SHot, posted by Rhainy on August 17, 2000, at 23:30:05
Hi Rhainy - Good luck.
I go on holiday for a week on Sunday, so might not be in touch for a week. Take good care of yourself. You'll be in my thoughts. You're in the right place & you'll be okay!
:-) Kath
Posted by Rhainy on August 18, 2000, at 9:27:39
In reply to Re: Thanks To All WIll Give It My Best SHot » Rhainy, posted by Kath on August 18, 2000, at 9:20:43
> Hi Rhainy - Good luck.
>
> I go on holiday for a week on Sunday, so might not be in touch for a week. Take good care of yourself. You'll be in my thoughts. You're in the right place & you'll be okay!
>
> :-) Kath
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