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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by llrrrpp on August 14, 2006, at 23:18:36
Okay, I feel a little low. Many of my fellow graduate students are leaving this institution with nice jobs and post-docs, and they only ones left from my cohort are ... me and who cares? My friends are going on to greener pastures. I am left tending to the dirt fields. And I realized recently that I have been taking many people for granted, who are about to go far far away, and probably won't come back for a long time. I may see a few of them at conferences every few years, or not. And life goes on. But I'm still here. It took me several years to make any real friends here, and I only recently realized that I couldn't take these friends for granted. My experience is going to change a lot in the next month or so. I wish I had something nice to look forward to also. I just feel like a loser. stuck. Wondering whether I can be friends with those in the younger cohort without sounding like a bitter old woman.
Posted by finelinebob on August 15, 2006, at 3:40:04
In reply to stuck, posted by llrrrpp on August 14, 2006, at 23:18:36
I'm ABD -- educational psychology from one of the top 5 programs in the country. Even got a job as an assistant professor still ABD. The dean said the school would do anything they could to help me finish that stupid paper after my second year, but I bid them hasty lumbago and took off, never looking back.
I'd realized I was going after what everyone told me I was best at. I gave up on what I really wanted to do as an undergrad and settled for teaching, something I'm really, really good at. And I know why people learn, and I know how to teach people so they know how people learn, and I'm better at doing those things than just about anybody around ... I know that because my friends and faculty in my program pretty much told me so, and as a group they're all pretty dang smart themselves.
There's a line from the song "Eye of the Hurricane" by David Wilcox:
"When you lay your dreams to rest you can get what's second best, but it's hard to get enough"That's where I was. At the end of the road of what was second best, and there just wasn't any more that I could get from it. I tried pure research -- running an NSF grant for a non-profit. I tried going back into the K-12 system. There was nothing left for me.
I don't know if that's the case for you. A lot of people walk away from their PhDs for a lot of different reasons. My dad is ABD as well, for different reasons than mine.
But are you still there because the next place down the road is NOT where you want to be?
If you still want to head down that path, then learn from that new cohort coming in. Try to see with their eyes, hear with their ears, grasp that energy you have when you take your first step down a path that holds so much hope. You'll have positive experiences to share with them in exchange.
If you don't want to take that next step, don't. The world won't come to an end. Not completing a PhD is not a failure. It's a decision. And for a lot of people, it's the right decision. It certainly was for me.
"Dream another dream, this dream is over" -- great, quoting Van Hagar for a reality check and perhaps some inspiration, but it may be what you need. You CAN dream new dreams ... and the seeds are probably already there, waiting for you to look their way and give them a little TLC.
Posted by Racer on August 16, 2006, at 0:17:20
In reply to stuck, posted by llrrrpp on August 14, 2006, at 23:18:36
Posted by finelinebob on August 16, 2006, at 0:41:30
In reply to FineLineBob is a smart guy, with good advice (nm) » llrrrpp, posted by Racer on August 16, 2006, at 0:17:20
Posted by llrrrpp on August 16, 2006, at 7:56:01
In reply to Re: stuck, posted by finelinebob on August 15, 2006, at 3:40:04
yeah, finelinebob and racer both make great points. I understand that finishing or not finishing the PhD doesn't change who I AM as a person, but I'm going to finish this PhD, because I've made it this far, and I have nothing better to do this year. I think it will help me get the kind of job that I really want, which is to teach at a college. I'm pretty young, having gone straight from college to grad school, so if it takes me a while to settle down and find a permanent job, that's not necessarily a bad thing.
I was talking about this transition time with some of my fellow grad students yesterday. I'm not alone. This is a strange time in our department. Usually people just kind of trickle away. This summer everyone seems to be leaving at once.
I found a new way to get excited about my work. You see, I have to DO work in order to get excited about it. If I procrastinate it, it feels like Sisyphus' stone. BUT, if I'm doing work, I actually enjoy it. SO? WHY DO I KEEP PROCRASTINATING?!!! argh
-ll
Posted by Jost on August 16, 2006, at 15:14:20
In reply to Re: stuck, posted by llrrrpp on August 16, 2006, at 7:56:01
Dunno. Now go get some work done!!!!!
(Don;t for get Vitamin S for 'Spiration)
Jost
Posted by AuntieMel on August 16, 2006, at 17:08:00
In reply to And Racer is an excellent judge of character ;^) (nm), posted by finelinebob on August 16, 2006, at 0:41:30
And she's right about you, too.
Posted by finelinebob on August 16, 2006, at 21:42:48
In reply to Re: stuck, posted by llrrrpp on August 16, 2006, at 7:56:01
> ... and I have nothing better to do this year...
Feh! Half the fun of school is avoiding it. Besides, you got a new cohort of kids coming in that need a proper introduction to life as a graduate student....
> I'm pretty young, having gone straight from college to grad school,G-d in Hummels, you're just a kid yourself! (I'm over 40 so I get to call you a kid, even if you started undergrad when you were 36. It says so, right on the back of the "Over 40 Club" membership card.) Anyway...
> so if it takes me a while to settle down and find a permanent job, that's not necessarily a bad thing.Definitely. You didn't say what field you were in. Maybe you'll be lucky enough to be in one where there aren't enough faculty positions but too many post-doc positions and you can post-doc your way across the country, or even to Europe, for a few years before someone decides to let you in the club.
> SO? WHY DO I KEEP PROCRASTINATING?!!! arghBecause being bad is good =^P
Besides, whoever had the wisdom to say "The journey of 1000 miles begins with the first step" didn't bother to say anything about step 2. Or 3.
NOT SO EASY AS YOU WANT US TO ***THINK*** IT IS, EH? MR/MRS/MS SMARTYPANTS!!! What a poser....
Posted by curtm on August 22, 2006, at 11:07:38
In reply to Re: stuck, posted by llrrrpp on August 16, 2006, at 7:56:01
>> If I procrastinate it, it feels like Sisyphus' stone.
There is a medicine for that. Just be sure who you are procrastinating with. Procrastination might not be as pleasurable with protection, but it is an excellent method of preventing undesirable, and sometimes irreversible, consequences due to unprotected procrastination. Abstinence from procrastinating may be the best choice after all.
Posted by llrrrpp on August 22, 2006, at 18:03:42
In reply to Re: stuck » llrrrpp, posted by curtm on August 22, 2006, at 11:07:38
there is one thing that i have not been procrastinating.
and that is- procrastination itself. Oh YEAH!!
and don't worry, I always use procrastination prophylactics
you?
Posted by curtm on August 23, 2006, at 8:56:31
In reply to Re: stuck » curtm, posted by llrrrpp on August 22, 2006, at 18:03:42
>> procrastination prophylactics
procrastylactics?
just plain wierd
Posted by finelinebob on August 23, 2006, at 23:55:57
In reply to Re: stuck » llrrrpp, posted by curtm on August 23, 2006, at 8:56:31
> >> procrastination prophylactics
>
> procrastylactics?
>
You mean like toothbrushes and dental floss?
This is the end of the thread.
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