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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ClearSkies on August 17, 2006, at 15:26:20
It's just that it's negative. My T told me this today and I'm still trying to wrap my little head around it.
We've been working on the premise of "Loving What Is", which is just what it sounds like. It's not about changing myself but accepting that I am what I am. And that this is worth loving, and needs no improvement.
This blows my mind.ClearSkies
Posted by wildcardII on August 17, 2006, at 21:39:26
In reply to It's not that I ain't got no self esteem., posted by ClearSkies on August 17, 2006, at 15:26:20
i understand that, i really do. i often wonder if mine is a learned behavior...
Posted by ClearSkies on August 17, 2006, at 21:50:56
In reply to Re: It's not that I ain't got no self esteem. » ClearSkies, posted by wildcardII on August 17, 2006, at 21:39:26
> i understand that, i really do. i often wonder if mine is a learned behavior...
Oh, I think that it's a learned behaviour for me, and that I took those lessons and went to Beat Me Up University, and got a doctorate... I think my parents were the original teachers, and I was a good student.
It's hard to unlearn anything or adopt new habits. At this point I'm just trying to notice when I am beating myself up. It happens with a startling regularity.
Let's hear it for higher edumuckation.CS
Posted by wildcardII on August 17, 2006, at 21:56:18
In reply to Re: It's not that I ain't got no self esteem. » wildcardII, posted by ClearSkies on August 17, 2006, at 21:50:56
i had a T that helped me realize i was doing 'the snowball effect', kinda like your realizing when you're attacking yourself. the snowball is little but i make it a bolder.
for what it's worth, i think you're very special.
Posted by Phillipa on August 17, 2006, at 22:56:45
In reply to Re: It's not that I ain't got no self esteem. » ClearSkies, posted by wildcardII on August 17, 2006, at 21:56:18
I beat myself up daily. Learned behavior from a young age. Parents who wouldn't respond to " hey watch me dive into the pool". My Dad was a diving coach no time for me. It builds up into other areas of your life. Then you're making poor choices blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong. Rationally you know it's not true but that irrational mind seems to always win. Clear Skies I'm so glad you have that good therapist. Love Phillipa
Posted by finelinebob on August 19, 2006, at 15:08:21
In reply to Re: It's not that I ain't got no self esteem., posted by Phillipa on August 17, 2006, at 22:56:45
> ... Rationally you know it's not true but that irrational mind seems to always win.
Rationality is an excuse for people who can't deal with chaos. It's a fiction, sometimes useful, sometimes harmful.
Same with irrationality. It's not all bad.
I tend to get more pleasure out of useful irrationalities than useful rationalities.
Just my $0.02. Sorry -- "rational" is a trigger word for me that makes me begin acting irrational ... so I love to see it pop up from time to time. ;^)
Posted by Phillipa on August 19, 2006, at 15:18:56
In reply to Re: It's not that I ain't got no self esteem., posted by finelinebob on August 19, 2006, at 15:08:21
I don't get it but then I feel bad. I can't keep up with my husband and I feel very old and ugly. Love Phillipa
Posted by wildcardII on August 19, 2006, at 17:15:04
In reply to Re: It's not that I ain't got no self esteem. » finelinebob, posted by Phillipa on August 19, 2006, at 15:18:56
Posted by Phillipa on August 19, 2006, at 19:55:45
In reply to Re: It's not that I ain't got no self esteem. » finelinebob, posted by Phillipa on August 19, 2006, at 15:18:56
Wildcard I can't keep up with him. Love Phillipa
Posted by Jost on August 19, 2006, at 22:11:29
In reply to It's not that I ain't got no self esteem., posted by ClearSkies on August 17, 2006, at 15:26:20
Don't you mean "it ain't not that I ain't got no self esteem?"? :)
Just wondering, Jost
Posted by Jost on August 19, 2006, at 22:15:47
In reply to Re: It's not that I ain't got no self esteem. » finelinebob, posted by Phillipa on August 19, 2006, at 15:18:56
Phillipa, that is Not True.
Don't say those things about yourself. You are not old and ugly. You're making me mad at you (the you that's saying that stuff about you).
Maybe your husband doesn't need you to keep up with him. Although I bet you can. Maybe he needs you to be you, and not to think those things.
Jost
Posted by Phillipa on August 19, 2006, at 22:29:42
In reply to Re: It's not that I ain't got no self esteem. » Phillipa, posted by Jost on August 19, 2006, at 22:15:47
Jost you're a sweetie but he is l3years younger than me so physically I can't keep up. Love Phillipa
Posted by finelinebob on August 20, 2006, at 0:15:48
In reply to Re: It's not that I ain't got no self esteem. » finelinebob, posted by Phillipa on August 19, 2006, at 15:18:56
> I don't get it but then I feel bad. I can't keep up with my husband and I feel very old and ugly. Love Phillipa
That's because you're trying to be rational. You said it yourself to Jost. He's 13 years younger than you. By the irrevocable laws of enfeeblementation, you are incapable of keeping up with him.
Stop making sense.
David Byrne of the Talking Heads was on Letterman a long, long time ago and David #2 asked David #1, "Stop Making Sense. What does it mean?" To which David #1 replied, "Well, it's very good advice."
I'd recommend taking some Landmark courses but they're just a kinder, gentler child of EST and in becoming so they lost the point. The point of EST was to get you to get "it". And after paying hundreds of dollars and spending a lot of time doing demeaning exercises, if you were diligent you DID eventually get "it". And what was "it"?
There is no "it".
Sounds pretty irrational. Especially if you paid the money and spent the time and diligently demeaned yourself. But if it took all of that to make you to realize there is no point in trying to get it because there is no it, then it was all worth it.
If you stop trying to get it, then you can spend your time on more useful, productive, enjoyable pursuits. Like figuring out what silence sounds like and how to spell it if you do. Or, for that matter, what is the sound of one hand clapping (you can use your husband's face to figure that one out). Or what did that bald kid mean when he said to Neo, "There is no spoon."
If you still don't get it, don't feel bad -- revel in it! You're heading in the right direction. If you are sick of sickness, then you cannot be sick.
Posted by ClearSkies on August 20, 2006, at 9:50:40
In reply to Re: It's not that I ain't got no self esteem. » ClearSkies, posted by Jost on August 19, 2006, at 22:11:29
> Don't you mean "it ain't not that I ain't got no self esteem?"? :)
>
> Just wondering, JostYou is absolutely righteous.
CS
Posted by Jost on August 20, 2006, at 12:46:54
In reply to Re: It's not that I ain't got no self esteem. » Jost, posted by ClearSkies on August 20, 2006, at 9:50:40
I hopes you means that in the nicest way???
Jost
Posted by ClearSkies on August 21, 2006, at 22:00:16
In reply to Re: It's not that I ain't got no self esteem. » ClearSkies, posted by Jost on August 20, 2006, at 12:46:54
Of coursest! The nicest way!
CS
This is the end of the thread.
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