![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 10 to 34 of 34. Go back in thread:
Posted by alexandra_k on August 30, 2019, at 17:31:16
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob alias Robert C. Hsiung I have an idea, posted by ert on August 27, 2019, at 18:46:39
> with Facebook you can at least delete and edit your posts. That is a big difference.
you can alter how your posts appear to yourself and people you have friended.
i would be very surprised, indeed, it if was impossible for people with know-how to reconstruct the entire state of things.
like...
i'm sure it is possible for people with know-how to reconstruct the entire state of your email construction. i mean... to replay your writing it in real time like watching a time-lapse camera replay.
word deleted here, word inserted there, spelling corrected there...
why wouldn't you think a similar thing goes on for your gmails?
i just mean to say that privacy on the interet is an illusion.
people have more or less know-how and know-how to access things more or less... but privacy is a dream, now...
all the persons voluntarily carrying around their internet surveillance devices. their phones with their fingerprint or their iris or whatever identification. it is a way of tracking precisely where they are on the grid at all times. every purchase they make. they even ask questions of google. like google is their personal internet therapist.
the only solution is to be a good person, for really, i guess.
i suppose it is a way of trying to bring the psychopaths into line.
which is better for us all then then there is no way to have the psychopaths brought into line.
this site arose pretty organically. i don't think Bob started out with a master plan or think that anyone had any idea of where things were headed, really.
science fiction was our best guess.
how people talk to google like it is eliza the therapist. how people would talk to eliza...
the data on this site is in an unwelidy form. it would take people quite a while to translate it into a usable format / to encode it. there are much much much much easier ways of fetching usable data than from this site, i would imagine. especially since now days the interest would be largely historical, i think.
facebook data would be much more useful than the data, here.
especially if people could be lulled into believing that they had complete control over their data over there.
Posted by alexandra_k on August 30, 2019, at 17:33:31
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob alias Robert C. Hsiung I have an idea » ert, posted by alexandra_k on August 30, 2019, at 17:31:16
it is nice, though, that the laws are developing.
i saw a nice article not so long ago by some international students here basically saying that if we wanted to collaborate with overseas researchers (as we will want to if we want usable sample sizes) then we will have to follow the regulations... easiest to just follow the most stringent regulations there are so we don't rule out collaborative projects. it was very nicely. to motivate all those psychopaths out there who are used to thinking you do the absolute bare minimum that you can possible get away with while dragging your heels and kicking up the biggest stink as you can every single step of the way...
Posted by alexandra_k on August 30, 2019, at 17:46:52
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob alias Robert C. Hsiung I have an idea, posted by alexandra_k on August 30, 2019, at 17:33:31
you think i am overly trusting?
that is funny (strange not funny haha) because i am often accused of being untrusting / being overly suspicious.
i trust... differently.
most people are very susceptible to advertising. i understand that there has been quite the kerfuffle about google and facebook. the populations are here. on the internet. like how nasty people have figured out the low road to growth of their business in real life the internet has become their new home.
it is as you say, more people have smartphones in the world than... probably than people who have access to clean drinking water.
and it is a relatively easy way of tracking people.
it is a relatively easy way of checking whether people add up or not. whether they are telling lies about where they are or who they are associating with or how they spend their time.
just having a jack around in people's personal email accounts. seeing whether they pirate music or porn and what kind of tastes they have. whether they trawl seedy websites or whether they are looking for a bargain. whether they are susceptible to click bait. whether they send people spam. whether they make purchases from dodgey websites. what their search history is.
i would imagine a couple hours investment of time would dig up... most things.
how would you prevent it?
we don't even choose our own passwords anymore! passwords are not secure. I might give you my password and loan you my phone. while i'm off banging my boss's secretary, or whatever. no, i must iris scan and fingerprint scan my authenticiation.
but sure, we would worry about Bob?
?
sigh.
i cannot even afford a secure device. even if i could afford a secure device i would imagine i would be forced to make it insecure to have access to basic utilities in this country. there would be something like that. you know, having power connected to your property just is giving them the right to... i don't know... do whatever they please.
we haven't got the hang of 'nobody in their right mind would consent to that'.
but everyone has been telling me over the last few years that black is white and up is down and rubbish is the tastiest of most desirables and so on and so on and so on just an endless stream of crazy-making sh*t.
autism is the only rational position. in many environments. seems to me.
Posted by ert on September 2, 2019, at 5:02:44
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob alias Robert C. Hsiung I have an idea, posted by alexandra_k on August 30, 2019, at 17:46:52
Alex:
The regulations are there to protect people because privacy got more and more intruded. Some judiciaries strengthened their measures. Adept people, like well versed people in IT or engineers still can maintain and adequate level of privacy. Inept people who do not know their rights cannot anymore maintain a sufficient level of privacy.
It depends a lot how you use your devices. You do not need to install the facebook app, instead you can use the opera browser for that. An app could suck up data. You do not even need google. Most services are replaceable, eg. for youtube you can use newpipe.
You are right, when you connect your device to the internet privacy gets lost. You could remove the antennas or use an old computer.
If you want certainty, you must apply a strong electro magnetic field that can fend off any antennas. You can only calculate with possibilities, if you connect something to the internet. If you did not compile you encryption yourself, security is not guaranteed a hundred percent.Many people here may have never known about their rights. The authorities should actually care for defenseless, uninformed and adept people.
Posted by ert on September 2, 2019, at 15:02:05
In reply to Dr. Bob - I have an idea, posted by rjlockhart37 on August 23, 2019, at 12:09:10
There maybe some benevolence. I do not deny that. But overall I think there is definitely more malevolence. Apart form the coercion and risks that the site poses because of the rights that are disregarded, how does the ruler measure the outcomes? he does not know if it really helps. Also the truth and information can get distorted which consequently can lead to disinformation because participants will not reveal themselves or understandably lie eg. to obfuscate the truth.
If the ruler did not misappropriate someones property of many people who do not know their rights and if the ruler let the participants the control over it at all times I would see more benevolence.
If the site has good overview is a technical thing. The phpBB also has good overview and the telegram has other advantages such as better person to person communication and privacy that is within the meaning of the laws.
More important and the imperative virtue is in my opinion if vulnerable persons can rule themselves over what they have revealed.
Posted by alexandra_k on September 3, 2019, at 3:27:01
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob alias Robert C. Hsiung I have an idea, posted by ert on September 2, 2019, at 5:02:44
I imagine that education could help. Knowledge of mechanism. I remember someone showing me how to bypass the windows login for Windows 95. You just closed the password pop up window like you closed any other window. You clicked on the little 'close' icon at the top right. I was... Shocked.
Sometimes the best defence is similarly... Basic. Put a piece of sticky paper over the camera when you don't want the camera to be recording / broadcasting. Simple enough measure.
Until it... Catches on. Until... Enough of the people catch on. I guess you always gotta be running running running ahead of the curve.
I remember being told 'turn it off at the wall if you aren't using it'.
Simple measures.
Permissions people voluntarily sign away when they download this, that, or the other thing.
I don't use Facebook.
I don't stay in touch.
My people sold out or... Were beamed out.
I decided I needed to learn / know Medicine. For myself. So I could make informed decisions. Because the Doctors I met were... Not as smart as me. Often. Because I don't think they applied themselves to working out what was going on with me, than I would. And not just me... Other people, too. What was going on for them, even.
And of course everyone thinks I'm a fool for having come back to this country. Trouble is that people have chosen to invest in teaching me a lesson in why it was a bad idea. They did not choose to make sacrifies in their own case to work towards such a thing... Stuffed if they are going to let anyone else do it, if they can get away with preventing them...
Is a problem.
I don't want to be a martyr. I guess it's about whether they choose to sacrifice me. At the end of the day. If they think ending me is worth ending them. It is scary because we know already they don't value their lives (or even the choices they have made of what to do with their lives) overly much.
I don't have a computer old enough to work without internet access, I don't think...
One computer drops the internet sometimes. Sometimes the date on it changes. Like it's the year 2000 and the Millenium bug hit it and because the date isn't right it won't go online... Perhaps there is a window of hope, for it.
I am starting to imagine myself with a tinfoil hat. Sigh.
I choose to believe that those with most power... Most technology... Are most intelligent. Most good.
In other words... I try not to lose sleep over the idea that my privacy is being violated. The kind of privacy violation I worry about is privacy violation from those at the lowest levels. The unsophisticated ones who only get to violate my privacy because... Their violations are being monitored.
Like... All the people who failed my written assessments (e.g., very low grades on laboratory reports or essay exercises)... How all that is uploaded to 'Turnitin' to monitor them. The people too stupid to realise the true function of such a thing.
I really don't want to be a matyr... But things have been developing backwards, here. Everyone is on the 'take what you can get and then flee' lifeplan.
And now I feel cross with the rest of the world...
The segments of Australia and the US that I have seen...
If I were to be an academic philosopher. To work for that.
But what about the pursuit of knowledge?
Socrates was a fool for not fleeing. For staying and drinking the Hemlock.
But did he need to be matyred for the founding of Plato's Academy?
What would he have got for fleeing?
Would they have let him be part of an academy someplace else?
Posted by alexandra_k on September 3, 2019, at 3:52:09
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob - I have an idea, posted by ert on September 2, 2019, at 15:02:05
I guess when I think about this site I think about how it started.
The Medications board. To start with Psychiatrists were posting and asking questions about medications they perhaps weren't overly familiar with. Asking about side-effects others had found on some of the newer ones with less of a track record. And a few patients / clients / consumers were posting, too. Similarly, asking about newer medications, or perhaps posting their experiences with the newer medications.
So it was a way of... Chatting to other clinicians. Which would have been useful if one wasn't part of a large teaching hospital or something like that. If one only had a couple patients on a medication hard to see / know patterns. Hard to know if there is an association between a medication and a side-effect or whether it is merely chance. Otherwise, all one has to go on in what the drug company reps say, and we know they can be a bit slow to fess up to / to catch on to some of the harmful associations with their product.
And then over time... More and more people posted.
And so clinicians got scared away, a bit. Because they didn't want to be / didn't want to be liable for offering free medical advice over the internet. And the masses found the internet, rather. You had people like me, people from developing nations without access to psychiatry at all, really.
When the site made the New York Times then it was... All over. Methinks. If not before then. But definately then then. Now every pharmaceutal company is going to be paying people to come to Babble and post about how their latest and newest and most expensive medication is the wonderful magical cure for everything... And so how do you guard against that?
And things were developed to make the coding easier. Things like... Hashtags, and the like. To help with the search functions and the like.
This site goes 'wrong' in so many ways. Masses and masses and masses and masses and masses and masses and masses of uncodable text. You could spent an hour with peoples internet search history (available from their IP) or an hour doing a random selection of what is coming out of their phone (what is being audio / voice recorded) or how they spend their money (bank history) or who they spend their time with (proximity viruses on cellphones) and learn so very very very very very much more about a person really really really really areally really for reals... Than you would learn spending however many hours reading however much masses of text on this site.
Bob nailed it: The problem for the future will be in FINDING the needle in the haystack that has become the internet.
The way around it was to not let people build haystacks anymore. People aren't allowed to say what they mean. THey need select from the drop down menu so they can be grouped with the others who responded the same. And so on. Hashtags much be included.
You can see it unfolding yourself. From the very start... If at the very start anybody had told Bob what this site would become... I don't think Bob would have believed them. If Bob had have tried to tell them... I don't think they would have believed him.
10 years ago (roughly) I told the good people at Otago that the internet was the future for Medicine in NZ. THey pooh pooh rubbished it. Said they didn't have clean drinking water for many of their people. Well.. They still don't have clean drinking water for many of their people. But millions of dollars gets spent on cr(apps) that don't work / aren't functional. And so on...
And there was something very recently about this whole message board for surgeons thing. Like... Like because NZ is so very very very far behind we can re-invent the wheel by doing what this site was for surgery. Hahaahahahaha ahahha. Yeah right.
The concern was that people might tell the site things they wouldn't say to people's faces. For example, post that you hate your boss and your boss sucks. Then you find yourself fired.
Back when people trusted / believed in privacy.
People don't believe in privacy anymore, I don't think. Not like that.
Who believes in secrets anymore?
There is no... Confidence. There are no. Confidants. Some things money cannot buy.
Not anymore.
You have to go off the grid for that.
And then back on the grid.
It just doen't happen. Anymore.
This whole matyr thing...
It's just another thing. Just another thing. Just one more thing. From the toxic environment...
It is up to them if they choose to matyr me.
That's on them.
They know I don't deserve that.
So are they going to behave themselves, or what?
__
Sigh.I agree with you about the empowerment. Choosing for yourself what to reveal.
People have long said that NZ is a culture / nation of bullies. It really is. Choice is not something we believe in. There is this thing about 'having no shame'. ABout that being a virtue. I suppose I realised over the last couple days what my mother was trying to do... She was trying to toughen me up. She was trying to teach me to have no shame. She was trying, the best way she knew how, to do that. By way of shaming me as often and as much as she could and by magnifying and magnifying and poking and proding my shame as much as she could...
And I never got it. I never hardened up / toughened up. I dissociated -- for a time. But I kept my inner child while the people around me bound theirs.
Curiosity and sensitivity and the smaller gentler tenderer feelings. The vulnerability. Emotionally.
Are not things that people are really able to feel, here.
I don't know. You have to weave your environment. Do your thing while / where the masses are sleeping... I don't know.
I don't know.
> There maybe some benevolence. I do not deny that. But overall I think there is definitely more malevolence. Apart form the coercion and risks that the site poses because of the rights that are disregarded, how does the ruler measure the outcomes? he does not know if it really helps. Also the truth and information can get distorted which consequently can lead to disinformation because participants will not reveal themselves or understandably lie eg. to obfuscate the truth.
>
> If the ruler did not misappropriate someones property of many people who do not know their rights and if the ruler let the participants the control over it at all times I would see more benevolence.
>
> If the site has good overview is a technical thing. The phpBB also has good overview and the telegram has other advantages such as better person to person communication and privacy that is within the meaning of the laws.
>
> More important and the imperative virtue is in my opinion if vulnerable persons can rule themselves over what they have revealed.
Posted by ert on September 10, 2019, at 16:51:50
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob - I have an idea » ert, posted by alexandra_k on September 3, 2019, at 3:52:09
Alexandra:
Yes, simple measures to improve privacy are already good.
Your mother probably meant it well but meaning it well is not always well for someone.
You wrote phone, do you have a smartphone?
what type of internet connection, speed do you use?
the fans or heaters don't you use anymore ? I am a fan of wool and sheep's.
Posted by alexandra_k on September 11, 2019, at 0:01:41
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob - I have an idea, posted by ert on September 10, 2019, at 16:51:50
> Your mother probably meant it well but meaning it well is not always well for someone.
that is probably true.
> You wrote phone, do you have a smartphone?i have a not very smart phone that is no longer software supported. it isn't smart enough / stupid enough to scan my eye or my fingerprint or engage in face identification. so... maybe it is more secure than the newer phones, even. i don't know. privacy / security is only an illusion. is not even an illusion. we can't even pull off the facade of the most basic level of respectfulness or modesty or anything at all like that.
internet is okay. laggy mmo's with northern hemisphere servers, but i'm really into that so, whatever.
> the fans or heaters don't you use anymore ? I am a fan of wool and sheep's.
i am currently using probably the crappiest heater i have ever owned. it is one of those 'oil column' heaters that is sort of semi designed to look like a central heating water radiator. they used to be filled with oil but powered by electric. but in the quest to see how low could we go they started building them and they would leak oil all about the place. so then they stopped filling them with oil. so, basically, it is some kind of cheap aliminum or something with wires that heat up, i suppose rather like a cheap toaster.
there is a ceramic heater that has been hard-wire installed to the wall. the manufacturers instructions were left for me. the instructions say quite clearly 'do not run the cable along the back of the heater'. the cable has been run along the back of the heater and hard-wire installed into the wall so it is impossible for me to unplug it and re-wire it.
the heater has been screwed hard into the wall. i tried unscrewing it but the cheap aliminum (or whatever) screws werent' fit for purpose. the little cross in the phillips head warped and pulled it's way smooth. so the heater isn't coming out of the wall anytime soon.
rather like the screw that was installed in my ankle with the weakest part of the screw crossing the mobile joint.
i am tired of idiots being in charge of my welfare.
f*ck*ng idiots.
f*ck*ng idiots.
so f*ck*ng stupid to see i would do a considerably better job of looking after me than tehy would
f*ck*ng idiotsf*ck*ng idiots
f*ck*ng idiots
Posted by alexandra_k on September 11, 2019, at 0:04:58
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob - I have an idea » ert, posted by alexandra_k on September 11, 2019, at 0:01:41
and i didn't use to feel like that. i used to have empathy for them. but how can i have empathy for them when they do not have empathy for me?
how can i feel bad for them that they dont' get their labs back in a timely fashion when they don't think anything at all with holding up processing my food grants...
and so on...
do unto others.
i have seen how new zealand has done unto me.
Posted by alexandra_k on September 11, 2019, at 0:07:29
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob - I have an idea, posted by alexandra_k on September 11, 2019, at 0:04:58
and so it is time to go.
give me my pieces of paper and sign me off and let me go.
you had me. you squandered me. when you could have taught me and trained me and loved me and nurthered me. you didn't. you delayed me and bullied me and shamed me and wasted my time. you did everythign you could to take everything that was my fair share for yourself and withhold everything from me. you did everything you could to refuse to acknowledge the work that i did and refuse to offer me a living wage. even less to acknowledge all the extra and additional work that i did. all of your work that i did.
you get nothing.
you get nothing from me.
you took more than your fair share from me, already.
f*ck*ng pay the piper and let me go.
Posted by ert on September 13, 2019, at 5:58:24
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob - I have an idea, posted by alexandra_k on September 11, 2019, at 0:07:29
You could wear a pullover, Alex. The merino wool from nz is fairly expensive elsewhere. But in nz you probably have special discounts for wool, maybe. I believe that the ethical standards are higher in nz concerning animal protection than in parts of Asia. I saw videos on how they shave the sheep's in nz.
Coldness has a lot to do with adaptation until a certain point. In Siberia they are well adapted but even though still cold, it gets more and more swampy there.
Arent they not only sweet but practicable for people
https://rememberingletters.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/new-zealand-merino-rams.jpg
btw, nz also used to produce silk. But then the plastic revolution came in the seventies and eighties and it didnt pay off anymore to produce the silk. But truly, silk with wool is still the best what u can get. Its also debated, if silk could be used as a vector.
http://www.stuff.co.nz/auckland/local-news/waiheke-marketplace/7757811/Precious-silkworms-are-hungry
But it does not need silk actually, wool alone is already very good. There is ongoing debate of how much pain is inflicted when killing the worms. Myself I did kill flies and ants (but nothing more as I remember) so where is the difference with worms the question is not conclusively answerable.
I think you are at least trusting, maybe overly trusting, Alexandra.
Why didnt Dr. Robert C. Hsiung say it is great that you left that place but instead wrote that this is a part where I should return. Did he something mention of stigmatization, coercion, cyber bulling, privacy and property laws in his studies?
Did dr. hsiung ask those who participated in the past, when he placed buttons under the posts? I find there are serious conflicts of interests here
I has not come to my attention that there are drug reps, as you said.
Posted by ert on September 13, 2019, at 11:22:24
In reply to Dr. Bob alias Dr. Robert C. Hsiung -I have an idea, posted by ert on September 13, 2019, at 5:58:24
You know, Alex, Hsiung wrote that he understands that I want the control of my words. This is actually understanding. Maybe he didnt lie here because he possibly really understood that I wanted the control of my property but it is sarcastic, wicked and a misuse of power because he lied later on and in fact didnt let me the control over it.
> You could wear a pullover, Alex. The merino wool from nz is fairly expensive elsewhere. But in nz you probably have special discounts for wool, maybe. I believe that the ethical standards are higher in nz concerning animal protection than in parts of Asia. I saw videos on how they shave the sheep's in nz.
>
> Coldness has a lot to do with adaptation until a certain point. In Siberia they are well adapted but even though still cold, it gets more and more swampy there.
>
> Arent they not only sweet but practicable for people
>
> https://rememberingletters.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/new-zealand-merino-rams.jpg
>
> btw, nz also used to produce silk. But then the plastic revolution came in the seventies and eighties and it didnt pay off anymore to produce the silk. But truly, silk with wool is still the best what u can get. Its also debated, if silk could be used as a vector.
>
> http://www.stuff.co.nz/auckland/local-news/waiheke-marketplace/7757811/Precious-silkworms-are-hungry
>
> But it does not need silk actually, wool alone is already very good. There is ongoing debate of how much pain is inflicted when killing the worms. Myself I did kill flies and ants (but nothing more as I remember) so where is the difference with worms the question is not conclusively answerable.
>
> I think you are at least trusting, maybe overly trusting, Alexandra.
>
> Why didnt Dr. Robert C. Hsiung say it is great that you left that place but instead wrote that this is a part where I should return. Did he something mention of stigmatization, coercion, cyber bulling, privacy and property laws in his studies?
>
> Did dr. hsiung ask those who participated in the past, when he placed buttons under the posts? I find there are serious conflicts of interests here
>
> I has not come to my attention that there are drug reps, as you said.
Posted by alexandra_k on September 14, 2019, at 12:17:22
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob alias Dr. Robert C. Hsiung -I have an idea, posted by ert on September 13, 2019, at 11:22:24
> You know, Alex, Hsiung wrote that he understands that I want the control of my words. This is actually understanding. Maybe he didnt lie here because he possibly really understood that I wanted the control of my property but it is sarcastic, wicked and a misuse of power because he lied later on and in fact didnt let me the control over it.
If you want control over your words and you understand that Bob won't let you control your words here... Then why do you keep posting, here?
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you do keep posting, here. Keeping me company :) But I'm just trying to understand what's going on.
I have found stuff recently. Since I wrote my thesis about the UN and about how NZ hasn't been on board with the whole sustainable development goals and so on. More... Sensible seeming stuff. About our avatar. As an avatar. Also stuff about Google and Facebook. Helen Clark seems to have come back here, now. For a time, anyway. From her time working for the UN after serving as Prime Minister. She has been good with some of the things I have read that she has said. Peters seems to have vanished... He's being sent to talk to Trump, apparently. I wonder if he will come back...
Anyway, the Facebook thing... Apparently it is related to the terrorist thing in Christchurch. It was about Facebook taking responsibility for monitoring and responding to what people upload. So... International first responders. So... Defence contracted out. And there it is.
Recently my half sister was hospitalised for a time. Apparently she wrote a letter to the Queen where she sent a bunch of stuff and British Security contacted Police or whomever here that meant that she actually was hospitalised for a time in an attempt to help her.
This country really has been gutted in recent years. We don't have any kind of internal capability... Or something.
Anyway... My point is that it got me thinking and I realised that the security thing is probably a little more like immunisation than I was thinking it was.
I started to become suspicious about immunisation. Reading about the Tuskagee study of untreated Syphilis in Negroes and how people were intentionally infected to see what would happen. I started to become suspicious about different batches of vaccine being given to different communities and tests or trials of who knows what to who knows what degree or amount of foreseeable harm...
And I know that the whole 'anti vaccers' thing is... Advertised... Advertised... As being populated by a bunch of crazies...
But I also know that people are not honest about providing information about actual risks and rewards and the like...
And learning more about vaccinations... About how the live attenuated Polio vaccination isn't reccommended anymore because there was in fact discoverd to be a risk that the virus would revert to it's live form and produce the disease it was supposed to prevent... About how the live attenuated MMR vaccine is considered safe for people with HIV (so either low risk of reversion or, well, other things kill them first)... Reading about capsule vaccines... Then about immune response...
Anyway... The more I learn about it I was ALL the vaccines. ALL the vaccines for ALL the things. Well, not the live attenuated polio vaccine... But I marvel at the glory of the progress of science and medicine... And probably a little knowledge is a dangerous thing... But I guess my point is that it is a genuine shame that people aren't honest about the risks and rewards and so on. Because that would help... Help alleviate people's concerns.
We are having outbreaks of measles at the moment and people are wondering why people who have been vaccinated are getting sick...
Wooly jumpers are expensive overseas, but they are expensive here, too. Wool doesn't compare to the whipped plastic or whatever it is that is polar fleece. For insulation, I mean. Cheap cheap cheap with all those microbead plastics leeching into the waterways. I'm lucky I have a decent wool duvet which I like for the heft of it, a decent feather duvet which I like for holding the heat in but honestly even though I hate the thought of whipped plastic the snuggest thing of all is the polar fleece blanket.
But that doesn't change the fact that I'm breathing in cold air. The respiratory passages. Why it is that the body goes into hibernation mode. Everything feels numb. Cold. Shut down. It takes a lot of effort / energy to run ones body as a radiator. Trying to warm up the air with your lungs... The cold seeps in... It's more than cold, here, it's humidity, too. A damp cold. Mold in the cold prefers to be fungus balls of aspergillus... aspergilloma growing in the lungs.
Lung cancer is... Smoking is... Well... Smoking is maybe holding the aspergillous at bay a little?
There are probably other varieties of fungus, too. I wonder if pathologists have been characterising it... We know about histoplasmosis and coccidiodiodies and paracoccidiodiodies (spelling sucks but you get the idea) in the Americas... I wonder if someone has mapped regional fungus balls in New Zealand...
There's bound to be a longitudinal study...
Posted by alexandra_k on September 14, 2019, at 12:30:19
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob alias Dr. Robert C. Hsiung -I have an idea » ert, posted by alexandra_k on September 14, 2019, at 12:17:22
sigh.
the point was about having a smartphone that is currently software supported. and about whose interests the fingerprint scanning face recognising iris scanning technology used for authentication was serving...
about whether it is a good idea to buy in... that is to say... to spend the money that is required to keep a phone that is software supported... or whether that is most likely to serve the interests of industry at my expense.
i mean... if industry is helping the people i don't mind. i don't mind paying for security if security is security for me and not security at my expense. given that my interests / intentions are not undermining of the legitimate interests and intentions of others...
anyway... my point...
is that i guess security is something of an arms race. people figure a way to exploit and then work needs to be done to patch up that so people can't exploit that. then people figure another way to exploit and that requires more work to be done...
and so we are supposed to pay money to keep secure systems. for the continued work. like how we pay online subscriptions for computer games when there are bug fixes patched in and additinoal content... to keep the employees employed working on the product.
and that seems fair.
but there is also a concern that people make work for themselves. that the people you pay for security are the people responsible for the exploits because they are making work for themselves. like if you had a security firm that paid thugs to go around shaking people up to drum up business for themselves. and i guess that is a concern about vaccinations for people too. and i guess that's why computer viruses are viruses...
but the point is that a smartphone that isn't software supported poses a security risk because someone else could use it for malicious intent. they could use my email address to send terrorist organisational emails or use my facebook account or whatever. so a vector. so having a non secure smartphone puts us all at risk. if that is the case then i feel i shuld maintain a secure smartphone if i have a smartphone at all.
i am required to have a smartphone. the tracking thing.
everyone is these days. especially here. the whole grid thing.
i'm sure the blankets are carcinogenic, at least. probably not smallpox... but i'm sure there will be some issue with the cheap whipped plastic blankets.
sigh.
i f*ck*ng hate it, here.
Posted by ert on September 17, 2019, at 5:44:51
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob alias Dr. Robert C. Hsiung -I have an idea, posted by alexandra_k on September 14, 2019, at 12:30:19
You cannot leave here Alex. but you are completely right Alex, I could stop posting and end the activity so that I won't loose my job, risk to be prosecuted, life long stigmatized, bullied and exploited. You are actually too lovely that you write these talented postings for hsiung. some womans do have a masochistic penchant. they not only liked ted bundy.
The fungi like moisture and warmth. If you have them you must open the windows for some hours in the early mornings so that the moisture can dissipate. Your heater could increase fungi growth. If you have something else that has fungi then the salt water can help. You can put in salt water for some time and the fungi wont like that. Also sun rays is good. Fungi are actually fairly nasty species but also considered good or even haute cuisine when eaten.
Helen clark is the pre pre predecessor of this beautiful ardern lady with the protracted ears who was in charge during the shootings. More I do not know.
Overall, I think the vaccinations make sense. Even though those criticized who refuse to vaccinate, it is a fact that some people cannot afford some type of vaccinations. Some people refuse because of religious motives or ideology, however.
But it is true, vaccinations can have prolonged side effects like headache and so on.
The comfort of the wool also depends of how the wool is cut and stitched together and if its a young sheep and so forth. e.g. the rib knit has elastic properties. The used the rib knit in the fifties and sixties for swimsuits. The rib knit actually was some kind of a revolution and some wool companies expanded their business world wide.
some people cannot tolerate wool on their bare skin, I personally can.
But you cannot know a hundred percent about ethical treatment. The demand is fairly high and the mass production is maybe neglecting a sufficient accordance with animal welfare. nz is probably a bit better.
Posted by ert on September 17, 2019, at 6:12:32
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob alias Dr. Robert C. Hsiung -I have an idea, posted by ert on September 17, 2019, at 5:44:51
No alexandra. Conversely, older products are sometimes even more secure than newer ones. Your fingerprint and your retina could be saved on a chinese server in peking or in california. The power have those companies and the state. Furthermore you do not know if eg. the face recognition is secure a hundred percent against others than the producers (they could store the print somewhere) of the phone, whereas with a password the risk can be calculated better. The newest technology is not the most secure, however, it is the most expensive but it often consumes more battery time. For a long time, i only had a bar mobile but when the smartphones got faster the advantages paid off.
The new regulations like the gdpr make sense alexandra. It gives people some basic rights. Notably, only basic rights. I has long been criticized because of the extra effort that it needs. But overall it really makes sense.
But you could use telegram with your computer and phone (to receive the code) ?
,but the point is that a smartphone that isn't software supported poses a security risk because someone else could use it for malicious intent. they could use my email address to send terrorist organisational emails or use my facebook account or whatever. so a vector. so having a non secure smartphone puts us all at risk. if that is the case then i feel i shuld maintain a secure smartphone if i have a smartphone at all. ,
Posted by ert on September 18, 2019, at 13:39:38
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob alias Dr. Robert C. Hsiung -I have an idea, posted by ert on September 17, 2019, at 6:12:32
youre an autist .You can use blinders if you do not like too much sunlight, alexandra. Some leds from the smartphones do not consume too much power and they can illuminate the whole room if the light beam directed to the ceiling. When it is hot then it does not heat up too much. But the windows you must open from time to time. At best in the morning before dawn.
Posted by alexandra_k on September 18, 2019, at 16:52:16
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob alias Dr. Robert C. Hsiung -I have an idea, posted by ert on September 17, 2019, at 5:44:51
> I could stop posting and end the activity so that I won't loose my job, risk to be prosecuted, life long stigmatized, bullied and exploited.
you think these things will come / have come from your posting, here?
You are actually too lovely that you write these talented postings for hsiung.
you are kind. where else should i post things?
i don't have community in my real world. since i decided i don't want to work to become a philosopher (i want to work to do something else) the philosophy community has turned against me, rather.
the language of other fields is different. this idea of how a field tries to brand you so that nobody else will want you. arts in this country tries to force all artists to work very very very very slowly and their own writing has to be a narrative response to someone else. so your advisor (or whomever) tellsl you to basically take out everything that is original or interesting and spend the length of the words responding to or answering to their problems / objections. or unpacking and explaining (stating them as your own) their ideas.
and then, once you have done that, other people in the field will berate you for having stated the obvious. not having said anything original. having spent a bunch of time responding to straw man objections...
it's an abusive process, really. and one that they feel entitled to make you spend the maximum amount of your time doing. so the university says that's 3 years full time or 6 years part time. so they say 'ooh but you'll fail if you try and finish up now just accept this part time status and keep working'. and then they say 'ooh but you'll fail if you try and finish up now just keep working even though you aren't enroled and we'll accept that thesis later'. and they are basically just obstructive and awful...
until they have managed to beat out the desire to write philosophy. in all except the people who think they will get a kick out of making their own students basically write up their thoughts for them...
anyway...
i guess the idea is you do it. you are done. you wait however many years on the lawyers to sort it out.
no freedom. no equality. no justice. at all.
at least that is my experience thus far. i guess the reason only the doctors kids get to do anything is because nobody will sign off on anybody else. everybody else is expected to spend their time going about having a hui with everybody all day about what we are supposed to be doing. and everything is all meta meta meta meta meta meta...
one of the examiners said they wanted me to orally defend the notion that discriminating against people on the basis of disability race etc is morally wrong.
uh, ok. i'll just put my thesis (the one i actually wrote) to one side in order to write a thesis for you on that. because that's not stating the obvious at all. i mean to say that if you wanted to deny that 1+1 is 2 you might need a thesis to do that. if you wanted to deny that discrimination against people on the basis of things like that is morally wrong then that is a similar sort of a situation for ethics.
the other examiner... said they would be embarrassed to sign me off. i suppose they meant becuase it is my supervisors job to do that. and they haven't done it already. there was somethign about me writing a commentary on why i haven't done some changes they suggested. and of course i did that commentary for my supervisor already. and instead of signing off on it my supervisor wanted me to submit a commentary with my re-submitted thesis. only i don't think that's how that's supposed to work. one doesn't submit a thesis for examination and also a document explaining the thesis and so on... that's just not how things work.
and it turns out that things don't work.
we don't have the capacity to sign off on students work in a timely fashion. people take their entire lives writing graduate research degrees because...
that's the way things are done here.
so when medical admissions says you are required to have completed a degree at a NZ university within teh last 5 years in the minimum, normal, or standard time that is a fools errand that is not and will not be done.
it seems to me.
i have appeals with the ombudsman who is supposed to look into corruption and the like. the first thesis i submitted for examination was rejected by teh university outright. they didn't even send it for examination at all. they refused to do what they were supposed to do every single step of the way...
i guess the idea is i'm supposed to spend my life running about catering to them making them feel happy so i can coax or soothe them into doing their job.
only that always deteriorates / disintegrates into being mummy for less than minimum wage. and they will never let you go.
they will never let you go.
so...
we see if the VC and the Ombudsman can sign me off in a timely fashion (2 years after i sign up for a 1 year degree) or if justice is supposed to take...
how many generations?
i f*ck*ng hate this country.
i document this, here, because where else am i supposed to document it?
where else am i supposed to document it?
most places it will be taken down ert.
who will bear witness for me?
> The fungi like moisture and warmth. If you have them you must open the windows for some hours in the early mornings so that the moisture can dissipate. Your heater could increase fungi growth. If you have something else that has fungi then the salt water can help. You can put in salt water for some time and the fungi wont like that. Also sun rays is good. Fungi are actually fairly nasty species but also considered good or even haute cuisine when eaten.
>
> Helen clark is the pre pre predecessor of this beautiful ardern lady with the protracted ears who was in charge during the shootings. More I do not know.
>
> Overall, I think the vaccinations make sense. Even though those criticized who refuse to vaccinate, it is a fact that some people cannot afford some type of vaccinations. Some people refuse because of religious motives or ideology, however.
>
> But it is true, vaccinations can have prolonged side effects like headache and so on.
>
> The comfort of the wool also depends of how the wool is cut and stitched together and if its a young sheep and so forth. e.g. the rib knit has elastic properties. The used the rib knit in the fifties and sixties for swimsuits. The rib knit actually was some kind of a revolution and some wool companies expanded their business world wide.
>
> some people cannot tolerate wool on their bare skin, I personally can.
>
> But you cannot know a hundred percent about ethical treatment. The demand is fairly high and the mass production is maybe neglecting a sufficient accordance with animal welfare. nz is probably a bit better.
Posted by alexandra_k on September 18, 2019, at 17:11:43
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob alias Dr. Robert C. Hsiung -I have an idea, posted by alexandra_k on September 18, 2019, at 16:52:16
because there is this whole thing of some interaction being better than on interaction at all. and people started saying to me 'oh, but if you get to do this other thing then we will never get to see you at all'. and so it turns out they would rather keep me unhappy than free me.
and it is strange to me becuase i didn't envisage having to cut them out of my life. but it is a decision they have made. they would rather be awful to me so that if i have a choice i will not see them or spend time with them at all. they would rather be awful to me. they would rather see me fail. they enjoy abusing me, rather, and they do not wish to see me go on and have happiness and health and wealth and successes in this life... even when i was happy for them in their health and wealth and successes before...
they just thought i was some kinda beta fanboy who liked to hang about them because i perceived them to be powerful or attractive or something...
but that wasn't it. that wasn't it, at all.
anyway, we are in this place of 'any interaction is better than no interaction at all' which is how people get with me. once they see that i've withhdrawn rather because i'm not getting anything out of my interaction with them. it isn't pleasant. we don't have commonality. we don't have mutuality. we are supposed to, what exactly? rubbish rubbish rubbish pooh pooh negate deny rubbish rubbish bond. by talking about how everything else is crap we bond.
it is just not fun for me, anymore.
it wasn't fun for me. it was killing me. they seem to be happy doing it. ? they keep doing it...
whatever. just sign me off and let me go...
but of course they won't. i was supposed to sneak through huddled in with a herd. but the trouble with me was that i always stood out as a little bit different in a way that people found attractive. so they picked me to be their special little bitch... forever.
so...
i guess i wait on the VC / Ombudsman.
med might not happen. people have invested in me being their little bitch for them for free otherwise they would happily see me starve...
i don't quite know what to say...
you really (i really) need to do everything in my power to minimise time spent with people at the lowest levels...
the higher up the hierarchy you go... eventually you find reasonable. rational. wise. reading some of the courts... sometimes you find wise judges. following the complaints process... you find people more able to help you unpack... brighter people... the higher you go. it does seem to be that way.
i guess in the hospitals it's all about learning to write your cases the way you read your cases. you know, if you can read. so you can write teh thing and talk to the people in those cases where it is REALLY IMPORTANT that someone up the hierarchy take a look / sort that out.
obviously.
i don't need to spend teh rest of my life and a few more generations making people feel herd about that. do i??
oh god i could have done so very very very very very very very very much more with my life than...
staying in this swamp. explaning to a candadian why discrimination on the basis of race / disability etc is morally wrong... helping soothe someone into signing me off already when they are embarrased. oh, i'm sorry you are embarrased. let me stop my life... give up my life... devote my entire life to 'there there feel better'. i don't have any goals or plans of my own at all. goochie goochie goo. all about you, dear supervisor. all about you.
you have all the money.
you have 4 classes to teach in a semester.
you have no work to offer your student.
you have no time to read your students work.
you want to yakkity yak yak yakkity yak about how substantive changes must take mooooooooooooooonths of everybdodies time.
you especially want to yell at me at how i'm 'arrogant' and tell everyone i'm incapable of listening to advice and how i don't have social skills and so on...
while doing your best to keep me away from other people so they would see that...that that's not true.
that none of the things you say or do are true.
it's just abusive.
and the whole attitude is 'and what are you going to do about it?' and 'make me stop'
so...
i wait on the Ombudsman and the VC?
it seems to me like there genuinely is 'any interaction is better than no interaction at all' about it.
given the way i have in fact been treated i have no desire for interaction.
i shouldn't have to pretend to *like* or *enjoy* the company of people who abuse me so -- should i?
should i have to forsake my goals and dreams and lifes ambitions because i'm not psychopathic enough to stare my supervisor in the eyes and pretend to *enjoy* her company after all this?
?
i f*ck*ng hate it, here.
Posted by alexandra_k on September 18, 2019, at 17:24:37
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob alias Dr. Robert C. Hsiung -I have an idea, posted by alexandra_k on September 18, 2019, at 17:11:43
and so people want to hang about all day. hang about in a herd. spend their time focused on each other.
and that's fine. that's their choice. there's enough of them to keep each other company. to keep each other entertained.
only the thing they do is try and grow their herd. try and find people... particularly people who aren't with a herd already and try and make those other people focus on them and hang about with them and join their herd.
and the trouble is that there are things to do with your time... things to do... that can't really be done in a herd.
reading. writing. arithmetic.
i mean... there is kind of sort of a way of doing these things in a herd. a whole team of people can write a thesis. if you don't mind making it take years and years and years and years for everybody to read it and to write little suggestions and reccommendations and then you do what one person says and the next person then tells you to do it different.
round and round in circles. and not much progress is made. and not much progress is made. and eventually the meaning drops out. the central coherence. and you end up with something heaviliy processed that doesn't say anything at all.
and of course nobody is actually designing bridges or cathedrals or non-leaky houses... nobody is designing software systems that are user friendly and intuitive... that are secure... that are functional... nobody is producing good quality orignial music. nobody is playing any games other than rugby, really. because one has to play rugby if one plays any sport at all... that later one is maybe not true... but you get the idea... nothing much is accomplished.
it is a group person. it is a boundary thing. it is what happens when mother turned her attention to the next baby and you were weaned 'early'? when you were thrown to your brothers and sisters and basically thrown out the door for anyone else to raise.
when there are no structured activities. when there are no skilled people giving you one on one attention and care. when nobody reads you stories with rhyming words pointing with their finger to the syllables that are repeated so that you learn to crack the code and read by yourself... when people were rather more invested in preventing that from ever happening by only providing you with overly busy picture books and by obscuring the smalles meaningful unit of sound / written code...
when the environment was fill of people who chirp and squeel and so on where the only appropriate response is to be to look at them and smile. no matter what you are doing. you are part way through a complicated math thing that involves you really stretching the power of your working memory but chirp! squeel! wahoo! somebody noticed you *thinking*. somebody noticed you focusing on something *not them* and saw fit to interrupt that and stop that in it's tracks!
back to community ho!
back to living with the herd...
producing.
producing...
uh, producing...
uh....
things to trade.
things to trade. things to trade...
for american music. for pharmaceuticals. for the internet. for cars. for i phones.
for sure.
it is a wonderful life?
uh...
uh huh.
oh please oh please oh please... the only reason i decided not to have kids of my own is becuase i wanted to look after everybody elses kids. all the kids everybody else choose to have and throw into the village... so the city could raise their kids.
at a little halfway house for halfway street kids right at the strategic location at the end of the road notorious for drug use and prostitution. i mean that's where you'd put it if you wanted to put a halfway house for street kids right?
right?
right underneath me.
well just call me your bitch yo!
Posted by ert on September 23, 2019, at 6:09:15
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob alias Dr. Robert C. Hsiung -I have an idea, posted by alexandra_k on September 18, 2019, at 17:24:37
Good luck with your thesis Alex. I imagine that you are able to provide a thesis that can make a difference. However the herds often demand something streamlined and commonplace. To some extent it could make sense to adapt to those people who demand some kind of alignment and with those people who think to be entitled to find and deem what is good. Nothing is perfect neither your thesis nor the bridges and cathedrals in NZ. Finally it depends who you meet. Hope you will meet the right ones and someone who does not demand perfection. Except for math, perfection is a joke. In the arts and probably in your thesis too can be a convergence but everything that is too ordinary will not be remembered or exist for a long time.
Maybe I was a new Zealand sheep in my former life since I can tolerate wool on my skin.
But here in California I do not need sweaters at all but only a thin woolen extra large shirt (so that the air can circulate underneath). It is arid. I only used to wear sweaters in Colorado.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 2, 2019, at 15:24:15
In reply to Re: I have an idea, posted by ert on September 23, 2019, at 6:09:15
> Good luck with your thesis Alex.
Thanks, Ert.
> I imagine that you are able to provide a thesis that can make a difference.
I submitted my thesis for examination September 14, 2018. The University never sent that thesis out for examination.
But that thesis has made a difference.
Helen Clarke has subsequently come back to NZ and had a much stronger presence here in the media and so on. She was working at the UN. She knows about Human Rights and Social Development (where social and economic are not opposed) and things like that. Winston Peters has been taking a back seat. Very much so. Hospital associated infection. Etc. Sigh.
> However the herds often demand something streamlined and commonplace.
Something that has been so over-processed and group-worked to death so it reads like it fell out the post-modernist essay generator.
> To some extent it could make sense to adapt to those people who demand some kind of alignment and with those people who think to be entitled to find and deem what is good.
Sigh. I do have difficulty doing that. And... Doing that doesn't seem to get me very far, either. I do try and conceed when I should conceed. I try and say that I am doing that when I am doing that precisely so I can point out that I do in fact do that when people start complaining about my being a know it all. If they invested 1/4 the time I did into investigating what what I did they would likely know a great deal more than they do presently so it isn't so surprising. Really. I mean what do they expect? They don't think very well a lot of the time. They don't think very good a lot of the time either. They are slaves to their emotion and confabulation often. But I wrote that thesis years and years and years and years ago and at least one of us moved on.
> Nothing is perfect neither your thesis nor the bridges and cathedrals in NZ.
Yeah. Doesn't have to be perfect. Just good enough. Get it done. Tick the box. Move on.
Unfortunately the University decided to break every rule in their Calendar and then some and refuse to give me the qualification.
They threw away my scholarship application too, seems like. I think it (genuinely) is a case of 'if she won't do a PhD with us (that's probably 8 years and they will swear black and blue that's 'normal' and 'full time' with a 'special exemption status' that everybody gets. Because they have decided to make it a intellectual handicap university or similar. You need to be intellectually handicapped before they will give you your Degree. You need to not be able to write a thesis before they will give you your Degree. YOu need to hand them the thesis that all of them wrote for you, basically, after so many tantrums and meetings and arguments and so on... All so that... You will never produce anything ever again.
That seems to be the spirit of it.
> Finally it depends who you meet. Hope you will meet the right ones and someone who does not demand perfection. Except for math, perfection is a joke. In the arts and probably in your thesis too can be a convergence but everything that is too ordinary will not be remembered or exist for a long time.
It has basically been a process of my forcing them to accept it, this year.
The Ombudsmen (corruption investigation).
I suppose the next step will be repairation in the courts.
I hope I get enough to make US residency affordable for me.
I wish it were different. But people do not value me, here. I wish it were different. But It isn't. So... There it is.
> Maybe I was a new Zealand sheep in my former life since I can tolerate wool on my skin.Maybe it depends on the wool. Some wool is soft and fine. Some other wool is coarser.
> But here in California I do not need sweaters at all but only a thin woolen extra large shirt (so that the air can circulate underneath). It is arid. I only used to wear sweaters in Colorado.Yeah.
It is humid here. Nasty humid.
I like to wear compression clothing. It mops up a layer of sweat. It makes me feel stronger and calmer. It holds me, I guess.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 2, 2019, at 15:58:41
In reply to Re: I have an idea » ert, posted by alexandra_k on October 2, 2019, at 15:24:15
I used to study Philosophy because I had an inquiring mind and I felt passionately about the subject.
I was highly productive.
I didn't need encouragment, particularly. I was pretty self-motivated. People generally were kind. Said they enjoyed my talk. Polite. Etc.
Then, when I was doing my PhD that didn't seem to be the case, anymore. My supervisor, particularly. He could have been 'good good keep going' but instead he started having tantrums (to other people) that my work wasn't good enough. Nothing to my face. I was supposed to (I see now - and maybe I saw then, too) approach him with my belly up being all supplicant requesting he humbly re-write everything for me until he was happy with it. I mean, that's the only way he will sign you off...
And I did not see the value in that game.
I couldn't create under those conditions. I stopped producing.
I also realised that there were great chunks of things I knew nothing about and did not understand largely because I didn't have GED equivalency, even, in things like Chemistry and Physics and Mathematics. I became disillusioned with this idea that I was supposed to be so very highly educated and yet my scope was so narrow as to have... Well... Was I even educated at all?
I am still very angry that my supervisor wasn't like 'good good keep going' instead of 'pooh pooh rubbish rubbish'. That my supervisor wasn't like 'you need to send me work and then I'll tell you things to change'. Instead of hiding in the corner proclaiming to others that I was rubbish in an attempt to effect what he really wanted. Or maybe he did really want me to just piss off. I don't know.
So anyway...
I suppose I did know all along that if I wanted to complete I could have figured how to do that. Said to someone else my supervisor was being a ****** and what should I do, or whatever. But I decided I didn't want to do it that much, I guess. I didn't want to do it. I didn't. Yeah. It wasn't that I couldn't. It was that I didn't want to.
Which is an attitude that has those who can't... Very angry indeed.
It is strange.. There always did seem to be a difference between the internally motivated ones and the... Fanboys. The ones who thrived working as fanboys under the supervisor. The ones who were supplicant and so on. Happy to take out their words and replace them with their supervisors. Of course they don't produce anything when they go out in to the world independently of their supervisor...
And they know they couldn't have done it without their supervisor.
And they have a tendancy to hate me.
And I was supposed to be happy to get the hell out of here anyway I could. And I was supposed to be motivated by that so as to get it done. Whatever.
Only... I didn't. Because I want to live in teh FREE WORLD.
FREEDOM?
I keep thinking... My understanding of Adam Smith. Freedom to pursue your ends. I take it that what he means is... Butcher, baker, candlestick maker. The idea that you aren't born to being a butcher and that's that. Freedom to pursue your ends. To decide on your contribution. Of course that doesn't mean success or whatever is guaranteed... But the idea of freedom to pursue and then the free market... It was supposed to sort itself out.
I need freedom to pursue Medicine. Because of how I have been not treated and poorly treated and so on over the years. And also my exposure to good and decent people. The whole informed consent thing. Whatever. I'm kinda done explaining... Explaining... Constantly explaining and justifying...
It is typically understood that the best and brightest students get the opportunity to study Medicine if they want it. Maybe something about the immense harms and sufferings that would result from a bright person being subject to the idiotic decisions of idiot medical practitioners. I don't know why. It doesn't matter why. Every other country but this one seems to understand that we want out Doctors to be the brightest.
And I always was acknowledged as one of the brightest. That's why people hated me. Jealousy. Because that is what people are like. Even when I am kind and helpful to them (genuinely). I am not a knowitall. But they jump to that sometimes from their own insecurity. I know this because I see how they respond to others, too. How they would tear wings from butterflies from jealousy instead of delighting in the beauty...
Anyway... This thesis was just a hoop. Really. Finish the qualification in the minimum time. That was the game. So I worked hard to get it done. As good as I could by the time deadline. And the entire University went into meltdown that they didn't get to bully me and shame me out of submitting my work.
But then I got to see... If they don't succeed in controlling you with guilt and shame and the like... THen they will actually start violating regulations. If you aren't bullied out of not submitting your work then they will throw your work away instead of sending it to examiners.
That's how bad / toxic things are, here.
So.. The whole internalising thing... It really was a defence against that external toxicity.
The corruption here is very bad. Often it is incompetence, I think. You get these officious types and they can't tell the difference between following a rule and following what normally or typically happens. Toxic culture. NOrmally or typically people are bullied out of handing their work in on time. There is this whole rubbish rubbish crap crap thing that occurs.
Because if you hand in and they sign you off...
They have to pay you more, now.
We don't have post-doctoral fellowships. Don't need them. We only give PhDs to people who will not produce.
We don't want GDP. Certainly not intellectual property.
We have these awful people in charge. They like to hear their voices in meetings. Meetings meetings meetings. An endless succession of meetings where they meet and rubbish rubbish rubbish pooh pooh all the research that is produced to bully the producers out of producing. So there is more and more and more of the university just like themselves. Meeting to have meetings abotu meetings...
I did not come back here to do Philosophy.
We have no journal.
We don't have a single arts journal for our alumni in this whole freaking country.
Professors are writing for the NZ Medical Students journal.
Don't they have their own peer review journals to be writing for?
THere is this.. Is it.. Focus? I don't know what the problem is.
It is torture being ruled by these people. By people such as these. These awful people who mop up all the money me-wards and make terrible terrible decisions about what to do with it. Not even contracting out their teaching. NOt even allowing their research students to get their research out there...
I have been 'this is a hoop, i jumped the hoop sign me off' and they have decided they wish to murder me for my impertiennce.
Tis the kiwi way.
Sigh.
They just go: ANd what are you going to do about it?
And it's the threats (as always) of someone who feels they have nothing to lose.
And I understand teh thing about the death wish / death instinct. They choose to embrace the guilt and that is them...
And I have a will to live, really.
A will to live well away from them.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 2, 2019, at 16:09:27
In reply to Re: I have an idea, posted by alexandra_k on October 2, 2019, at 15:58:41
and it is just ridiculous...
i mean, i applied for scholarships. and i said i could use the scholarship to transport myself into the region. and then i could give a talk...
so they threw away my scholarship application. must have. because they are merit based scholarships and i am pretty certain that nobody will have a higher GPA than me because people don't have high GPAs anymore.
GPA isn't a thing you can earn, anymore. grades just aren't assigned like that anymore. precisely because with grades like that there is a matter of...
accountability.
like...
how does person with OUP publication get failed for her first year population health essay (to do with health equity)?
how does that happen?
first year university course...
but she didn't repeat the 'party line' sufficiently.
what party line?
it's the party line of the 'politically elite' maaori and their plan for maaori... extermination.
their plan to exterminate their culture / have their culture exterminated.
it's the plan of the elite maaori who thinks it's a good idea to run an article in the newspaper saying we cannot start on multiculturalism until we have sorted out biculturalism.
this... determination. by some... unspecified???? party... to present maori culture in a way that can only result in its abandonment / extermination.
who is responsible for such a thing?
maybe similar sort of thing to my philosophy 'friends' who, like, totally have my back.
or something.
This is the end of the thread.
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