Posted by alexandra_k on September 18, 2019, at 17:11:43
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob alias Dr. Robert C. Hsiung -I have an idea, posted by alexandra_k on September 18, 2019, at 16:52:16
because there is this whole thing of some interaction being better than on interaction at all. and people started saying to me 'oh, but if you get to do this other thing then we will never get to see you at all'. and so it turns out they would rather keep me unhappy than free me.
and it is strange to me becuase i didn't envisage having to cut them out of my life. but it is a decision they have made. they would rather be awful to me so that if i have a choice i will not see them or spend time with them at all. they would rather be awful to me. they would rather see me fail. they enjoy abusing me, rather, and they do not wish to see me go on and have happiness and health and wealth and successes in this life... even when i was happy for them in their health and wealth and successes before...
they just thought i was some kinda beta fanboy who liked to hang about them because i perceived them to be powerful or attractive or something...
but that wasn't it. that wasn't it, at all.
anyway, we are in this place of 'any interaction is better than no interaction at all' which is how people get with me. once they see that i've withhdrawn rather because i'm not getting anything out of my interaction with them. it isn't pleasant. we don't have commonality. we don't have mutuality. we are supposed to, what exactly? rubbish rubbish rubbish pooh pooh negate deny rubbish rubbish bond. by talking about how everything else is crap we bond.
it is just not fun for me, anymore.
it wasn't fun for me. it was killing me. they seem to be happy doing it. ? they keep doing it...
whatever. just sign me off and let me go...
but of course they won't. i was supposed to sneak through huddled in with a herd. but the trouble with me was that i always stood out as a little bit different in a way that people found attractive. so they picked me to be their special little bitch... forever.
so...
i guess i wait on the VC / Ombudsman.
med might not happen. people have invested in me being their little bitch for them for free otherwise they would happily see me starve...
i don't quite know what to say...
you really (i really) need to do everything in my power to minimise time spent with people at the lowest levels...
the higher up the hierarchy you go... eventually you find reasonable. rational. wise. reading some of the courts... sometimes you find wise judges. following the complaints process... you find people more able to help you unpack... brighter people... the higher you go. it does seem to be that way.
i guess in the hospitals it's all about learning to write your cases the way you read your cases. you know, if you can read. so you can write teh thing and talk to the people in those cases where it is REALLY IMPORTANT that someone up the hierarchy take a look / sort that out.
obviously.
i don't need to spend teh rest of my life and a few more generations making people feel herd about that. do i??
oh god i could have done so very very very very very very very very much more with my life than...
staying in this swamp. explaning to a candadian why discrimination on the basis of race / disability etc is morally wrong... helping soothe someone into signing me off already when they are embarrased. oh, i'm sorry you are embarrased. let me stop my life... give up my life... devote my entire life to 'there there feel better'. i don't have any goals or plans of my own at all. goochie goochie goo. all about you, dear supervisor. all about you.
you have all the money.
you have 4 classes to teach in a semester.
you have no work to offer your student.
you have no time to read your students work.
you want to yakkity yak yak yakkity yak about how substantive changes must take mooooooooooooooonths of everybdodies time.
you especially want to yell at me at how i'm 'arrogant' and tell everyone i'm incapable of listening to advice and how i don't have social skills and so on...
while doing your best to keep me away from other people so they would see that...that that's not true.
that none of the things you say or do are true.
it's just abusive.
and the whole attitude is 'and what are you going to do about it?' and 'make me stop'
so...
i wait on the Ombudsman and the VC?
it seems to me like there genuinely is 'any interaction is better than no interaction at all' about it.
given the way i have in fact been treated i have no desire for interaction.
i shouldn't have to pretend to *like* or *enjoy* the company of people who abuse me so -- should i?
should i have to forsake my goals and dreams and lifes ambitions because i'm not psychopathic enough to stare my supervisor in the eyes and pretend to *enjoy* her company after all this?
?
i f*ck*ng hate it, here.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1105881
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20151112/msgs/1106181.html