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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by b2chica on June 29, 2015, at 14:46:47
are two more that i can soon put on my 'did not work' list..
i am just beside myself with frustration and misery.she's taking me off latuda (i'm down to 20mg) and have slightly more energy throughout the day.
i'm starting 60mg fetzima tomorrow, but to be honest I'm not really noticing anything major happening here. ...at all.i am finding myself in a very confusing state as of late. i have brief thoughts of worthlessness to the point of thoughts of 'offing self', however i know that is not what i want. i have reasons to be here, things i need to do....yet i have no desire to do them, attempt them nor do i really care if i achieve anything...every. that and i can only seem to see my failures in life... EVERYTHING, from major mistakes to little ones.
i was actually thinking of this as i was driving home from dr. appt, and i wasn't paying attention to my speed and had some guy shake his hand and scream at me to 'slow down'... so of course i realized what an absolute HORRID offense i just committed and how i really shouldn't be allowed to live. ..
yes., that is where i'm at.
when i write it, it logically sounds ludicrous, yet... the emotion is there and not controllable.
i know this is all the disease, but what a horrid life this seems to be these days.
Posted by Lou Pilder on June 29, 2015, at 17:32:53
In reply to i think fetzima and latuda, posted by b2chica on June 29, 2015, at 14:46:47
> are two more that i can soon put on my 'did not work' list..
> i am just beside myself with frustration and misery.
>
> she's taking me off latuda (i'm down to 20mg) and have slightly more energy throughout the day.
> i'm starting 60mg fetzima tomorrow, but to be honest I'm not really noticing anything major happening here. ...at all.
>
> i am finding myself in a very confusing state as of late. i have brief thoughts of worthlessness to the point of thoughts of 'offing self', however i know that is not what i want. i have reasons to be here, things i need to do....yet i have no desire to do them, attempt them nor do i really care if i achieve anything...every. that and i can only seem to see my failures in life... EVERYTHING, from major mistakes to little ones.
> i was actually thinking of this as i was driving home from dr. appt, and i wasn't paying attention to my speed and had some guy shake his hand and scream at me to 'slow down'... so of course i realized what an absolute HORRID offense i just committed and how i really shouldn't be allowed to live. ..
> yes., that is where i'm at.
> when i write it, it logically sounds ludicrous, yet... the emotion is there and not controllable.
> i know this is all the disease, but what a horrid life this seems to be these days.b2,
You wrote,[...I am besides myself with frustration and misery...in a very confusing state...thoughts of worthlessness...no desire...nor do I really care...only seem to see my failures...I really shouldn't be allowed to live...what a horrid life this seems to be...].
Posted by Lou Pilder on June 29, 2015, at 17:33:22
In reply to i think fetzima and latuda, posted by b2chica on June 29, 2015, at 14:46:47
> are two more that i can soon put on my 'did not work' list..
> i am just beside myself with frustration and misery.
>
> she's taking me off latuda (i'm down to 20mg) and have slightly more energy throughout the day.
> i'm starting 60mg fetzima tomorrow, but to be honest I'm not really noticing anything major happening here. ...at all.
>
> i am finding myself in a very confusing state as of late. i have brief thoughts of worthlessness to the point of thoughts of 'offing self', however i know that is not what i want. i have reasons to be here, things i need to do....yet i have no desire to do them, attempt them nor do i really care if i achieve anything...every. that and i can only seem to see my failures in life... EVERYTHING, from major mistakes to little ones.
> i was actually thinking of this as i was driving home from dr. appt, and i wasn't paying attention to my speed and had some guy shake his hand and scream at me to 'slow down'... so of course i realized what an absolute HORRID offense i just committed and how i really shouldn't be allowed to live. ..
> yes., that is where i'm at.
> when i write it, it logically sounds ludicrous, yet... the emotion is there and not controllable.
> i know this is all the disease, but what a horrid life this seems to be these days.b2,
You wrote,[...I am besides myself with frustration and misery...in a very confusing state...thoughts of worthlessness...no desire...nor do I really care...only seem to see my failures...I really shouldn't be allowed to live...what a horrid life this seems to be...].
Posted by b2chica on June 30, 2015, at 11:46:35
In reply to i think fetzima and latuda, posted by b2chica on June 29, 2015, at 14:46:47
the fetzima.
i took 60 this morning and i haven't been able to stop crying all morning.
part of this is accompanied with the lowly depressive thinking. however, there are times where i don't even know why i'm crying, that i don't feel as sad as i am crying.
Posted by Lamdage22 on June 30, 2015, at 14:58:48
In reply to i think fetzima and latuda, posted by b2chica on June 29, 2015, at 14:46:47
> are two more that i can soon put on my 'did not work' list..
Thats not very surprising.
> i am just beside myself with frustration and misery.
Is there anything you can do to get your mind off of it? Things you used to enjoy?
Posted by b2chica on June 30, 2015, at 16:25:45
In reply to Re: i think fetzima and latuda, posted by Lamdage22 on June 30, 2015, at 14:58:48
there are things i love but its hard because most of them are solitary things and now that i'm off work at home i'm expected to tend to kiddos 24/7. i typically have one day a week to do my things (usually doc appt.'s). But now i'm doing some writing. though just before that i struggled...
really struggled.
i think...is it ok if i talk about it?
i think i'm going to, but don't read it if suicidal temptation is triggering for you.i came home after a failed attempt to go to a park (bugs were horrible...biting) so i came home and the moment i pulled into the garage i had a strong... powerful urge to just keep the motor running and close the garage door.
i sat there with it running, full in the garage. i started to smell some fumes building and it smelled... good, in a way. a smell of possible peace.
But then the thought of it leaking into the house and harming someone later, then the thought of kiddos losing me... such powerful confusion and sadness crushed my heart and i turned off the car, sat for a few minutes. then went in, closing the door then.i saw T this morning and had a bad episode (or several) in her office. at one point i told her i WILL NOT take 60mg of fetzima tomorrow. that is just wasn't natural, it wasn't me... it was the medication making me worse. every fiber in my being was 100% sure at that moment.
i'm not as sure now,
i took a gabapentin about 2 hours ago. its kicked in and helping me a lot to just chill and relax before i pick up kids.i'm writing a story, well i'm in editing mode. So i'm going back to it for the next 20 min.
***********
Lamadage, sorry i just spilled my guts to you. but thank you. i think i needed to get that off my chest.i see my T again tomorrow morning and she is supposed to talk with my pdoc sometime today.
btw, my T mentioned genetic testing for some MSD#$ something or rather....
have you heard of this? i think she said it has to do with B12 and such.anyway, i think thats' next in line.
b2
Posted by Lamdage22 on July 1, 2015, at 3:48:54
In reply to Re: i think fetzima and latuda **Trigger » Lamdage22, posted by b2chica on June 30, 2015, at 16:25:45
No problem.
Sometimes things get better at a certain point and you dont even know why.
Hang in there.
Posted by phidippus on July 14, 2015, at 20:25:36
In reply to i think fetzima and latuda, posted by b2chica on June 29, 2015, at 14:46:47
Sounds like a mixed state.
You really should try Lithium.
Eric
This is the end of the thread.
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