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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Rjlockhart on October 23, 2006, at 19:55:28
I just got prescribed dextroamphetamine 40mg and my mother found it and took it away 2 days later which she knew there was something diffrent about me because she is almost a narc, my pupils where dialated, i was staying up very late, she asked are you on something? next day she went to my car and searched it and found it. Like i said if she found it, she would go crazy, she did. I was completely devesteated, i went to the doctor and went out of my time to help myself, because of my grades, and she sabotaged it. There is so much that has happened, fights, yelling, fighting doesnt help especially with my mom, even though i let her HAVE it in means of yelling at her, it didnt do any good.
I just lost my paycheck from the GAP. i dont know where it is.
I am struggling in courses harder than ever.
I cant deal with reality right now, rihgt now i feel i have to go into a complete extasy feeling with my self (mania) to get out of this horrid horrid slump.
I have cried intensly, i have slept a full day being depressed. I just dont know what to do.
What i thought was going to work didnt.
I am in a very low state right now. But i am proud of myself, i went to class, gone to work, even though these thoughts miserise me.
Is there something i can do inside to change myself, like adaptation, or more than adaptation like growing from this bad experience?
I did think of suicide many days, but i will not give into that. I need to move on.
Posted by Racer on October 23, 2006, at 21:59:40
In reply to Hell just hit, posted by Rjlockhart on October 23, 2006, at 19:55:28
>Is there something i can do inside to change myself, like adaptation, or more than adaptation like growing from this bad experience?
Matt, there are a lot of things you can do to improve your current situation. You've gotten a lot of suggestions here in the past, and I'm about to offer some more, but first, how about I ask you a few questions?
Are you seeing a therapist? If so, how often? If not, why not? That would be a very good first step for you, if you're not already working with a good therapist on a regular basis.
Did you discuss with your doctor your mother's probable reaction to you being prescribed Dexedrine, and ask him to help communicate to her why he's prescribing it? I realize that your perspective on her is that she is impossible to deal with, but you know what? My experience is that my mother is sometimes impossible to deal with -- but only for me. Others can deal with my mother much more consistently than I can, precisely because she is your mother. What you can't communicate to your mother, your doctor may be able to. Asking him to try is probably the best option you have at this point.
What do you do to improve your problems with attention and mood besides medication? And do you take anything for depression or mood stabilization? While it takes more effort than medication, there are behavioral things you can do to compensate for things like ADHD, and they will help you if you're consistent with them. (The psychology board would be a better place to post questions about specific interventions, though.)
You say that you were staying up late, and that's how your mother knew something was up? Dexedrine, when prescribed for ADHD, is not meant to help you stay up late -- it's meant to help you focus during your normal activities. If you're taking it to stay up late, you're abusing it. That's because "abuse" is to "use" as "abnormal" is to "normal" -- you're not using it as intended. That's not good for you, and if that is the case, Matt, then I think your mother is watching out for your best interest in taking it away. Sorry, I'm sure that's not what you want to hear, but it's something to think about.
In terms of school and grades, can you go to the tutoring center at school and get help? Or just study there? Sometimes that helps a lot, just studying in that sort of environment.
I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch, Matt, and I hope that you find your way out of it soon.
Posted by lymom3 on October 23, 2006, at 23:16:25
In reply to Hell just hit, posted by Rjlockhart on October 23, 2006, at 19:55:28
If your pupils were dialated and you were up late then either Dex isn't for you or you are taking it for the "high". Dex will give you that far more than any other stimulant. I suspect that your mother is more right on that we will ever know here.
I can go back weeks and months and read your posts. I think you are getting more disjointed each time you post. You seem to be in a frenzy and can hardly put together a coherent sentence. It is obvious that you need help. I too would like to know the answer to the counseling question.
You need to focus on getting yourself healthy. If you can't handle the school load and you are making your crazy over it, then it's time to cut back on the courses, spend more time in therapy healing you and then tackle a heavier load of classes.
It is good that you are still getting to work and to school and functioning. That is what you need to do. If you are hiding drugs in your car and your mother can tell that you are hyped up on something, then you have more that you need to deal with than your mother "controlling" you whether you want to admit it or not.
There is not a magic pill or a magic wand to make you ace school, pull the wool over your mother's eyes and eliminate all your problems. You need to understand in your head that maybe you can't have it all right now like you want it. You might have to slow down your pace and reach your goal a little later than you had hoped BUT it is because you need to take care of YOU!!!!
Your posts here really scare me sometimes. My middle son is your age. It would scare me if you were my son and I would want to have input on your doctor visits because I would be worried about you. I know that I am not around you; I am not your parent and I don't really know you but the brief posts we get here I see a young man who is headed for a horrible meltdown if you don't take a few steps back, take some deep breaths and work on healing you.
Please take a long hard look at your life and how miserable you are. It comes across loud and clear. You have your whole life ahead of you. You don't have to cram everything in right now. If school is making you that nuts and you can't handle the pressure, cut back on some classes. If it takes you longer to finish school then it does. So what? You, your mind, are a terrible thing to waste.
Take care of yourself...
Posted by Phillipa on October 23, 2006, at 23:19:25
In reply to Re: Hell just hit, posted by lymom3 on October 23, 2006, at 23:16:25
Matt I agree with lymon cut back on some classes and see the counseling at school. Love Phillipa
Posted by Ame-Sans-Vie on October 24, 2006, at 8:12:29
In reply to Hell just hit, posted by Rjlockhart on October 23, 2006, at 19:55:28
Matt,
I could have easily written that exact same post at one very recent point in my life. It's very strange to meet someone who actually has the same problem I have -- a very controlling mother when it comes to meds. Mine won't let me have amphetamines anymore, either. So yeah, other than the part about the GAP paycheck (which I'm sorry to hear about), I can relate 150%.
Please feel free to write me if you'd ever like to talk:
And here's my MySpace:
http://www.myspace.com/derkandiman
Hope to hear from you soon -- maybe I can help you figure out some ways to work through this. I'd really like to help. Take care bro.
Michael
Posted by Rjlockhart on October 24, 2006, at 19:27:34
In reply to Re: Hell just hit, posted by Phillipa on October 23, 2006, at 23:19:25
I have been in depression very bad, its like something PTSD happened, images of it haunt my me.
I belived so hard in God to do this, and it didnt come through.
And NO i was not on dexedrine at night, i took it during the day. It just made it hard to sleep. My mom noticed that. I took it, as prescribed and my mother saw that because she counted them. But then i made a even horrid, this is the thing that has made me feel i been through a tragedy. I went to her closet and tried to get it back, she walked in the door and saw me with her closet open. I HAD a breakdown, 2 of them to be exact. One for doing what bad thing i had did, but it was my prescription and had my name on it but there is nothing i can do. My mom is going to the doctor and telling him not to prescribe this to him, i dont know if this will go on my record.
Listen i took it as prescribed, in the past maybe i did take more than what i was, but i made a mistake, i just made another mistake by going back to the doctor with out my mother knowing, which know i feel miserable.
I'm in the computer lab right now trying to write a paper, i cant even get started, im so freaking wrecked over what happened. I'm wreck, screwed, i feel almost tormented mentally i cant function!
Should i have another personality help to come out and emerge to help me, yes im at the point of spliting personalites this is so diastering to me. I know this might not sound a big deal to some people, but it is to me because i was going to use it for a presentation, and to help me focus in class, and now look, i'm just slamed.
Now i have just focus back what im doing. If i fail, i fail, but i want to move out if that occurs because my mother will listen ever to what i have to say, she said she rather me be out of school than be on medication.
I admit i have done alot that she has a right to be the way she is, but even before she still had a very stuborn personality, not compromising. Yelled, screamed she doesnt know how to cope with stress.
I dont know, i just know i just wrote a long post and i hope that someone responds.
How am i going to cope without being medicated?
Posted by lymom3 on October 24, 2006, at 22:38:29
In reply to Re: i am double slammed, posted by Rjlockhart on October 24, 2006, at 19:27:34
You sound so frantic every time you post. Are you always that way or is it just school that makes you react in that way? If you can hold it together and function better when you are outside of school then can you take a step back and figure out why you are that way with school?
If you are more rational and calm in other areas of your life but school makes you act this way, then I could totally understand your mother saying that she'd rather have you out of school. Dexedrine is bad about keeping you up at night; why don't you go with another stimulant that isn't that harsh and would still allow you to sleep?
Have you ever pursued something to do more from a mood stabilizing standpoint? Something to keep your thoughts from racing and bouncing all over the place? Topamax and Lamictal have helped my focus and methodically get my work done and be level headed about it far more than any stimulant has done. I think if you were more level headed without your emotions all over the place you might really be surprised what you can get done.
Also, you have to focus on what you CAN do. You stress so bad about how everything you do in school will be horrible or not get done if you aren't medicated. Try doing a little at time. Do what you can do and be proud of yourself for that. If you can't get everything done, then you are taking on too much right now. Causing yourself to have an emotional collapse over school is not going to help you in your life.
You so badly want to do school, do it well and do it fast. Maybe you can't. Maybe you need to be kinder to yourself or more realistic about what you are capable of doing RIGHT NOW; at this very moment. Moms can drive you nuts I know...I am one.
My 18 year old who is ADHD in the worst kind of way wishes at times that I would lighten up on him. Sometimes mother does know best even if we don't communicate it to our kids very well. Sometimes we can be just flat out wrong and totally off base too. I suspect your mom is somewhere in the middle.
Just remember, you can always finish school but it's going to be harder to fix your mind and your emotional well being. Remember try to focus on what you can do and let go of what you can't get done. All you can do is the best that you can. Not what you think you ought to be able to do; not what you wish you could do but what you can actually accomplish. Be proud of yourself.
Posted by dbc on October 25, 2006, at 1:30:17
In reply to Re: i am double slammed » Rjlockhart, posted by lymom3 on October 24, 2006, at 22:38:29
I get the feeling theres more going on here than were being told. The desperation in the post makes me think that you're not being straight about this whole thing.
Dexedrine is the very last drug you want to be playing games with, it will sink its teeth in you and not let go.
Posted by laima on October 25, 2006, at 11:05:40
In reply to Re: i am double slammed, posted by dbc on October 25, 2006, at 1:30:17
I think rj is telling us he's taking dex as prescribed, for ADD- and his mom is against it because SHE had a problem with it once, and hence, constantly confiscating it. I understand he's having trouble with her over using a medication which has been prescribed for him. It sounds very frustrating.> I get the feeling theres more going on here than were being told. The desperation in the post makes me think that you're not being straight about this whole thing.
>
> Dexedrine is the very last drug you want to be playing games with, it will sink its teeth in you and not let go.
Posted by dbc on October 25, 2006, at 12:23:49
In reply to Re: i am double slammed » dbc, posted by laima on October 25, 2006, at 11:05:40
That sounds rather neurotic if its true.
Posted by notfred on October 25, 2006, at 14:17:36
In reply to Re: i am double slammed » dbc, posted by laima on October 25, 2006, at 11:05:40
>
> I think rj is telling us he's taking dex as prescribed,
You might want to look through the archive to see what rj has said about his use/abuse of dex in the past.
Posted by mike lynch on October 25, 2006, at 18:08:54
In reply to Re: i am double slammed » dbc, posted by laima on October 25, 2006, at 11:05:40
>
> I think rj is telling us he's taking dex as prescribed, for ADD- and his mom is against it because SHE had a problem with it once, and hence, constantly confiscating it. I understand he's having trouble with her over using a medication which has been prescribed for him. It sounds very frustrating.
>His eyes were apparently bloodshot and he was exhibiting enough symptoms for his mom to know he was on it? That isn't normal usage of adhd meds. Yes look at his past to see his issues with stimulants. The fact is, it is not normal to be so distraught over having ones meds taken away, (adhd meds) The only people I know who would go nuts over not having adhd meds are those who are addicted. I can go off the stimulants I take whenever I please, because I use them for a legitamate problem.
Posted by laima on October 25, 2006, at 19:18:04
In reply to Re: i am double slammed, posted by mike lynch on October 25, 2006, at 18:08:54
I don't know, wasn't there. But he has reported problems with his mom and meds many times before, and that she herself had a dexedrine problem of her own. I'm sure a very stressful homelife isn't exactly helping rj feel stable or stick to the program. There was also a post about having had abused it in the past- but once an abuser doesn't have to mean always an abuser- so are we speculating? Why does the psychiatrist keep prescribing it so often? Not sleeping all night can cause red eyes and weird symptoms, too. Maybe the dose is plain too strong, or maybe he needs an add drug which doesn't last as long?
When I go off stimulants sure, I live, but fall asleep all day long despite sleeping at night. And by now everyone must have heard the news reports that teens need to sleep more than adults, and that many experts are urging schools to open later in the day as a result. But I digress...
> >
> > I think rj is telling us he's taking dex as prescribed, for ADD- and his mom is against it because SHE had a problem with it once, and hence, constantly confiscating it. I understand he's having trouble with her over using a medication which has been prescribed for him. It sounds very frustrating.
> >
>
> His eyes were apparently bloodshot and he was exhibiting enough symptoms for his mom to know he was on it? That isn't normal usage of adhd meds. Yes look at his past to see his issues with stimulants. The fact is, it is not normal to be so distraught over having ones meds taken away, (adhd meds) The only people I know who would go nuts over not having adhd meds are those who are addicted. I can go off the stimulants I take whenever I please, because I use them for a legitamate problem.
Posted by Rjlockhart on October 25, 2006, at 20:05:45
In reply to Re: i am double slammed, posted by laima on October 25, 2006, at 19:18:04
Yes,
I have abused stimulants in the past. Yes i have. I have been on prescription amphetamine for almost 10 years, i've operated on it. But i wanted to learn to, and told my psyhiatrist that i would take it responsibly, but listen its all about my mother controling me, she is telling me to drop courses, drop out of school because you are not going on any medication for ADHD. Do you see why i am so, such a wreck. Im at school right now, i cant post at home if she see's me posting she will literally ban me from computer usage.
To everyone who skeptical here is you information.
I went to the doctor and told him that i have a presentation and exams coming up, and i have ADHD, and i am failing. He prescribed me dextrostat. I took it later that day for class did fine, but my mother found it, yes, i guess that i overeacted in emotion, but i am still going through a horrible time. Do you understand, my mother? i have told you that i have abused in the past,
I just talked to a social worker 15min ago here at school, who is actually my teacher. I am having a manic episode right now, and i dont think taking dexedrine would be the best option either, even if i was taking it right now. Right now im hypomanic. I feel im in a diffrent reality. I feel an egg has cracked over my head and im flouting.
I cant go home, my parents will abuse me, i dont know, maybe a hotel? I left home crying hard, my mom didnt care, and she said if you want to commit suicide than do it! This is why im not feeling im going home.
There are many people here that are skeptical of me,...dbt? [notfred] but if you only knew what horrid enviorment i am living in, even before this, i have to get out. This just triggered an emotional response. If you saw what has happened, emotional breakdowns, yelling, screaming, tearing into eachother at home, the destructiveness. You would maybe see why i have ran here for help.
This is the only place that i can get help, advice, my theripst is only 45min, he has told me to get away from my mother many times.
Please be here with me. I am trying to keep myself together, but i cant let myself let go.
Matt
Posted by Phillipa on October 25, 2006, at 20:12:07
In reply to Re: the ABSOLUTE truth - listen to post everyone, posted by Rjlockhart on October 25, 2006, at 20:05:45
Matt I'm always here for you. And I know you are telling the truth from those e-mails you know the ones. Can your therapist help stay in a dorm tonight? Can you go to a friend's house. I'm concerned about you as I always have been and always will be. Wish you lived closer you know you could stay here. Love Phillpa try and calm down I'm with you all the time in spirit.
Posted by nickguy on October 27, 2006, at 8:59:42
In reply to Re: the ABSOLUTE truth - listen to post everyone, posted by Rjlockhart on October 25, 2006, at 20:05:45
matt, please, if you can try to express these emotions to your mother. I know its tough, but theres a possibility she will be understanding. Vent to her. Explain your pain as calmy as possible. If shes not understanding than that makes it tougher, but it's worth a shot. (Now I don't know if you've already tried this, but try to do it as openly and lovingly as possible) Life is tough, but it's also short, and we don't have to suffer unnecessarily. Make your mental and spiritual health a priority, and if academia is a big part of that, than explain this to both your doctor and your mom if you can. I know sometimes these boards can seem like a big help, but in person communication with those who are around you is the best chance for sucess. (I'm only speaking through my own experiences) I'll keep you in my prayers.
with brotherly love
nick
Posted by yxibow on October 28, 2006, at 9:07:55
In reply to Re: the ABSOLUTE truth - listen to post everyone, posted by Rjlockhart on October 25, 2006, at 20:05:45
Hi --
If you are this nervous and exacerbated by your situation, the best agent to prevent suicide is still Lithium. Beyond that, Haldol.
These are stopgap measures, and only would be done if you checked yourself into an ER most likely.
I'm not saying you should or shouldn't, but that is a choice that you should really consider only if you get to a point you can't think beyond.
Its one day at a time and one thing at a time. I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but there are still resolutions that can be positive.
-- Jay
This is the end of the thread.
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