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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by laurenjb on September 6, 2005, at 13:10:34
My meds aren't working again (50mg Parnate) and I wake up crying to still be alive. I have tried so hard to beat this thing -- been on more than 30 meds, had ect, been hospitalized, currently see my doctor once a week. I exhaust myself trying and I just don't want to try anymore. I have a doctor's appt. in an hour and I don't even want to go. How long do I have to do this? After one cutting incident, I promised myself and others I wouldn't do anything to hurt myself but I am having such a hard time seeing how to go on and I hate them for making me. I haven't been able to work for a year and a half and I feel like such a loser and that nothing will ever change. It's almost worse when something works for awhile and I come back to this. I live alone and am very invested in not showing my need -- I feel so guilty when people worry. I don't want to go back into the hospital. I simply want to die or be ok. I know that you can't do anything to help -- noone can, but maybe it does help a little to know that many of you know how I feel, which is that I am a horrible, selfish person with a wonderful life and many gifts who doesn't appreciate anything -- I wish I could just give it to someone else. Thanks for listening. Lauren
Posted by fires on September 6, 2005, at 14:27:10
In reply to Not sure if I can make it, posted by laurenjb on September 6, 2005, at 13:10:34
>>I know that you can't do anything to help -- noone can, but maybe it does help a little to know that many of you know how I feel, which is that I am a horrible, selfish person with a wonderful life and many gifts who doesn't appreciate anything -- I wish I could just give it to someone else. Thanks for listening. Lauren<<
I believe that your depression is speaking when you say that you are a horrible selfish person, etc... it's not you speaking.
Also, based on my experiences, I recommended that everyone with depression have blood tests for: homocysteine, folic acid and B 12:
http://www.biopsychiatry.com/folateetc.htm
Posted by Ilene on September 6, 2005, at 14:30:47
In reply to Not sure if I can make it, posted by laurenjb on September 6, 2005, at 13:10:34
I've been on a lot of meds--not 30, though; had worthless ECT; been hospitalized like you. I used to sleep as much as possible and felt dismal when I woke up. I haven't worked in *years*. Right now I'm on a med combo (prozac and wellbutrin) that is helping somewhat. I'm also volunteering and taking a couple of classes so I can get of the house, and started CBT. You are *not* a horrible, selfish person. You have a serious disease. You can hang in there. If you've done it so far, you can continue. Take good care of yourself.
Best of luck,
I.
Posted by willyee on September 6, 2005, at 14:50:57
In reply to Not sure if I can make it, posted by laurenjb on September 6, 2005, at 13:10:34
Hey ur not the only one,parnate was the only med that ever worked for me,so when it recently quit i dident know what to do,i cant go back to meds that dont work,and not much sense on staying on one that dont.
I found an abstract i have in my files about treatment resistent depression and parnate.It appears one meaning a docter sometimes needs to be fiearce with this med in keeping it from pooping out since it loves to do it.
I had ritalin added and i came out of a gut wrenching depression,it lasted a week and im speaking to my doc about hiring it tommorrow the ritalin that is.
I just also today added a caffiene tab to ritalin and parnate,and i feel better,youd think there be hyperness or anxiety,but no not even the SLIGHTEST hint.
In the articles i have it mentions docter using stimulants like ritalin,dexadrine and the like at fairly high doses to a pooped out parnate and the out come was very succesful.Im not in a place i can get to them now but if ud like i can post it.
As for interaction,i had none zlich nodda when i added ritalin to parnate,i lie not,i hadent the tiniest interaction what so ever.
I think there is something about adding a stimulant to this drug,since parnate at times can be energizing people always want to add sedatives,well every mood stablizer we tried failed,and failed miserable makig me worse,so if ritalin helped in the slightest that tells me thats the way to go is to stimulate the drug for a more robust anti depressant effect rather than adding sedatives which is more common.
Only problem is i know docs,the average doc is not willing to add a stimulant to it.Which is a shame.But i am at a dose near u,having the same trouble with parnate,today i added ritalin,then a caffiene tab and at this moment i feel pretty normal,i guess the body is weird,but id speak to ur doc,let them know u need something added dont let ur depression grow if parnate is pooped it wont help.
I told my doc i was at her mercy,no more added anti psychotics,no more mood stablizers,add something for the wretched depression.Let me know if ud like to view the articles if u havent already.
Posted by wildcard on September 6, 2005, at 15:52:08
In reply to Not sure if I can make it, posted by laurenjb on September 6, 2005, at 13:10:34
Lauren, you are not a selfish person at all. It seems u are just the opposite and u suffer from deression which is an illness and not ur fault. I know how frustrated you must feel but u are not alone and feel free to talk anytime u need too. We are all here for you. I admire u for trying to feel better. I hope something helps soon. Take care of yourself.
Posted by laurenjb on September 6, 2005, at 15:59:33
In reply to Re: Not sure if I can make it » laurenjb, posted by wildcard on September 6, 2005, at 15:52:08
Thanks everyone. I'm going to go into the hospital for awhile. My doctor just thinks it's the best thing to keep me safe right now. Willyee, I'll ask about the Ritalin. I really appreciate your kind words and suggestions and hope you all keep hanging in there. I'll post again when I get out, which I hope will be soon. Take care, Lauren
Posted by wildcard on September 6, 2005, at 16:08:30
In reply to thanks, posted by laurenjb on September 6, 2005, at 15:59:33
Posted by Phillipa on September 6, 2005, at 20:53:26
In reply to thanks, posted by laurenjb on September 6, 2005, at 15:59:33
Lauren that sounds like the best thing to me being by yourself is not safe right now. You need to be with professionals who can help you deal with your pain and keep you safe. Fondly Phillipa
Posted by TheMagicPill on September 8, 2005, at 0:30:29
In reply to Re: thanks, posted by Phillipa on September 6, 2005, at 20:53:26
i am sorry you are feeling bad, i dont know if i have been at that low of a point, but many on this board have. just keep posting your thoughts and they will help you through this, from experience. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
they are learning more about chemical imbalances every day. there are new meds. you have to hold on to the hope. sometimes, it is all we have.
trust me, people have been worse off than you and slowly but surely made it back, you can be one of those success stories, too.
Posted by laurenjb on September 9, 2005, at 13:51:10
In reply to Re: HOPE is what keeps ALL OF US going, posted by TheMagicPill on September 8, 2005, at 0:30:29
Thanks again, all who had hope for me when I had none. I'm still pretty depressed but am no longer suicidal. Since I'm at the point where I need creative solutions, having tried almost every med and combination, my doc in the hospital added Synthroid to my Parnate. Apparently it works well at augmenting SSRIs and tricyclics. I'll give it a shot. I'm also going to see a psychopharmacologist who is supposed to be up-to-the-minute knowledgeable about the latest research, etc. so all this gave me a little glimmer of hope back. I'm just going to work on sustaining that for the time being and appreciating all the wonderful things I have in my life (including excellent medical care and incredible parents) and I plan on that being my last time in the hospital. Again, THANK YOU so much. Take care, Lauren
This is the end of the thread.
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