Posted by laurenjb on September 6, 2005, at 13:10:34
My meds aren't working again (50mg Parnate) and I wake up crying to still be alive. I have tried so hard to beat this thing -- been on more than 30 meds, had ect, been hospitalized, currently see my doctor once a week. I exhaust myself trying and I just don't want to try anymore. I have a doctor's appt. in an hour and I don't even want to go. How long do I have to do this? After one cutting incident, I promised myself and others I wouldn't do anything to hurt myself but I am having such a hard time seeing how to go on and I hate them for making me. I haven't been able to work for a year and a half and I feel like such a loser and that nothing will ever change. It's almost worse when something works for awhile and I come back to this. I live alone and am very invested in not showing my need -- I feel so guilty when people worry. I don't want to go back into the hospital. I simply want to die or be ok. I know that you can't do anything to help -- noone can, but maybe it does help a little to know that many of you know how I feel, which is that I am a horrible, selfish person with a wonderful life and many gifts who doesn't appreciate anything -- I wish I could just give it to someone else. Thanks for listening. Lauren
poster:laurenjb
thread:551413
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050901/msgs/551413.html