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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by brice on September 21, 2002, at 5:25:28
all my young childhood i wanted to be a track star/special foces solder but my perents never told me about my heart problim (just a small murmer nothing big it would have been healed bye now if i didnt screw it up) they thought it would just scare me(i was like 9 so i kinda understand evan though i sometimes blame them for my shitty delema ) but then it happened i tore the hole...right next to my left ventricle.this basicaly meant blood could just go thrugh a hole next to a valve and my heart could not build pressure to pump right hence taking away all my hard earned stamina i was so depressed i tried to kill myself a few times (feel shity? fail at killing yourself then see how wouthless u feel)then i had a nervouse breakdown "thing"(thing becouse docters called it a stomach problem)i would get so nervouse that i would get butterflies that caused me to bleed internally (and once outa my mouth. scarry)i almost fluncked a grade because i missed so much school(i already failed kindergarden dont evan ask how 1 did that)
buth then i got to be around twelve and bagan smoking dosha(the green stuff)witch to some perants would flip out about but it actually helped me lose my nervousness anded calmed me down so when they actually found out they wer mad but eventually accepted it with open arms because they had did it when they wer young and relized it was pretty harmless as long as thats all i did(my old man still dont like it though) and i hid it well for years so i was like 15 when they found out.then i got this girlfreind she was a tomboy and for some reson i liked it (my mom once acused me of being gay but i'm strait as a rail coke-thats right i'm somewhat not intrested in sex at all) eventually she cheated on me..with a girl(didnt exatly boost my confidence).then i turned somewat gothic(not always because i dont wanna fall into a click at school:)but i'm mostly just a thug now. shortly befor that i started using coke not everday just 1-2 times a week.then it got bad i started losing wieght(coke is usually cut with baby exlax)i lost 20 pounds in just a few weeks(going frome 110-90pounds then 2 80)and it kept getting me into trouble(i am week and just thinking makes my nose run and stomach growl)i would do anything for a rail and stay up for days then crash for like a 20-30 hours and promise never to do it again every time eventually i quite (not completly but now i have self contol so its not nearly as bad)but unfortantly when i do it i do it hard core(i got 100% pure frome a columbian un-cut a gram could kill a normal person) soon after that my paintball team captian kicked me off the team (i had a new dream of being a pro-paintballer that was pretty well shot to hell) and that made me realy depressed. i guess i can brag becouse i was 16 and played agains 20-40 year old men with $1500 guns and sponsers i had a $400 and beat the crap outta them(one time i took out a whole team by myself in a tournent because my teamates wer elimated and that win made the diffrence between like 13-paced us in 4th )but i'll stop braging now because u prolly dont believe me anyway.but thats when it got rough i would eat ecstasy pills like candy (they make u happy but totally drain serrtonin outa your brain making u depressed until it comes back after like month )all my $ whent to drugs i bagan hanging out with crack addics and herone users,not to say thier bad people but most of them will rob u blind once they get a chance (never did H because i have never been offerd it and only smoked crack once because i thought it was nose candy till i tried blowng it,i couldnt let it go to wast and it hurts to snort badly)(i have also never stole to support a habit or ripped a person off who didnt see it coming ,EX-addict or not i take pride in my honesty and hopefully will alway have it) then i start noticing my dad acting weird....he's been blowing i told my mom(she couldnt prove i did it but knew i did) my old man would flip out and hit my mom and me and threaten to kill me i started my "crys for help" again (unfullfiled sucide attemps) i would always think of my mom and a select few freinds who cared about me and that made me bail out one day i was going to buy a plain ticket to go and live with my gramma(i thought she would understand) but then i bout LARG,no wait HUGE quantities of my prefferd substance...the green and began selling it. made good money till i spent ever dime i had(along with outher people's money) on narcotics one night(i dont consider marjana a drug,if it wasnt for it i would probly have killed myself i'm talking cocain)i came home with a runny nose and no money at 7:00 in the morning.that was the last straw..after a riguerous beating my old man relized i wouldnt say wear i got it (althoug he new deep down inside ,we shared a dealer i found out recently)he bagan "taking"(or stealing) my money that i was saving for a plain ticket i guess he thought i would buy coke so it was somewhat justified. i could not go and see my gramma and tell her about him.but then he took my bud and favorit bong that was the last straw i picked the lock to his office(a skill like lock picking can open a lot of doors for you so to speak ; ) ) and stole my stuff back. this is wear i am now.... dose anybody have a suggestion as to what i should do (i refused to call the police they would seach my room and arrest me not him) e-mail me at skully4843@aol.com
pleas dont harras me about my "problem" because althoug i was "pumped" when i wrote this (that explains the grammer errors)i am no longer addicted like i once was. p.s. this is actually a freind who needs help not brice pleas title e-mails as-"brians dad is a fuck up and needs to be hurt" so i dont delat it as junk mail ,or just post things i will forward all e-mails to him (he is paranoid of the black helicopter...as well he should after some of the stuff he has done) this is pretty much my whole life story and if you have had extream hardships then tell me about them...it feels good to get things off of your chest especially to a stranger who may have shared some of the bad times and can not tell people that you dont whant to know about your problems.
p.p.s- if u catch your kid smoking pot dont be 2 harsh on them it is (in my opinion) one of the best things in the world(its safer then alchohol and recent studys(i read on a pro bud site so its kinda one sided) show that a active MONKEYS ,not kids, brain activity actually increases after some years of smoking...think hard and consider this if your all high(slow reaction time is the #1 side effect)and learn to do somthing well than when your normal u should be able to do it evan better.but i doubt it would help in school,evan though it makes the day fly by...litteraly!
Posted by jay60 on September 22, 2002, at 8:48:10
In reply to my sad life story long but interesting , posted by brice on September 21, 2002, at 5:25:28
Brice
Do you consider yourself to be a drug addict?
It sounds to me like you are; you may want to get some treatment? I have also had many problems with drug and alcohol I have been to treatment and see a psychologist and go to A.A & N.A meeting, they really do help. I know you don't want to go to A.A but you may be pleasantly surprised, the people are good people who you can really relate to, most of them do not try and push any B.S on you. I also see a psychologist
To try and find out what the underlining problem is that causes my substance abuse. I know there are a lot of people who do not have drug problems who think that being irresponsible is the cause are having no will power, being an immoral person and things such as this. When you start being around people who have substance abuse problems (and are trying to help themselves) you will find that many of them have had very successful lives and all these stereotypes are not true. My pychologest and I believe that I may have ADD, which causes depression, anxiety and substance abuse problems many people; there are also many other mental disorders that may cause substance abuse.
I meet people who have problems with depression, anxiety, ADD, ADHD, bipolar, OCD, social Phobia in A.A who have spent year's self-medicating themselves with drug and alcohol. If you can get a good diagnosis of your problem them you can treat it specifically with drugs used for this particular disorder, therapy and also a support group thought A.A.
I know you would like to blame your father for your problems and this may be justifiable. But unless you begin to look into your self for the cause of your problem you cannot change. You can only change yourself you can't change your father so don't waste your time trying. Maybe when he sees you improving and becoming a better and happier person this may prompt him to do the same.P.S your life story can change into a happy one, by being through what you have, you can develop a gift of helping people that most people will never have. This may sound crazy but one day you may consider you're past problem to be a gift.
Posted by Gracie2 on September 26, 2002, at 23:27:59
In reply to Re: my sad life story long but interesting , posted by jay60 on September 22, 2002, at 8:48:10
Brice-
I don't have the answers for you. Nobody does. It probably doesn't help you, but since the beginning of time, people the world over have been looking for "the answer", a purpose in life.
Some people find cults. Others find religion. Many people devote themselves to a job or a cause.
Many people remain lost. Ultimately, you must find your own way. I don't have answers, but here are some thoughts:
-Don't concentrate on "what could have been", like a career in Special Forces. If you're determined to do macho stuff like jump out of airplanes or rappell from a cliff, you can do all that as a civilian without the drudgery, humiliation, hard work and uncomfortable living that most of military life entails. Stick to paintball.I cannot preach about drug or alcohol abuse, I've been down both roads. It's a lonely and often terrible way to live. Eventually you forget about the better things in life...you neglect your family and friends and, worse, you start to disgust them, and they usually give up on you. You forget about all the things you wanted to do,
the places you wanted to visit, the things you wanted to see. Your appearance disintegrates. Your health starts to fail. You no longer think about jumping out of airplanes, diving in the Bahamas, starting your own business. All you care about is the next drink or the next fix, and in all liklihood, you will die alone in a pool of vomit.You know, we can do better. Despite anything standing in our way - poor health, dysfunctional family, mental illness - we can rise above that.
We can pull ourselves together, we can set goals,
we can strive to meet them. We can accomplish things that we never thought ourselves capable of. But we have to try.
-Gracie
This is the end of the thread.
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