![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Noa on January 9, 2000, at 18:02:03
Did my weekend recluse thing again. Actually, I did get out to a friend's house last night, but spent all day yesterday and all day today in my apt. I, as usual, had hoped I would get some stuff done to prepare for the week (like wash some clothes, pay some bills, etc.) or planning something fun to do, get out and get a change of scenery, but have spent the entire time doing crossword puzzles, online and in some of the newspapers piled up in my living room. And, of course, checking in here at babble.
I am disappointed at myself, feeling overwhelmed and discouraged about ever getting out of this mess (literally). I had this idea that now that I am not so depressed, I would start to get my life more organized.
But I am not as depressed as I have gotten at times by staying in. I am in touch with knowing my mood will be better once I get busy.
I guess my meds are working.
Posted by Janice on January 9, 2000, at 22:06:34
In reply to Never made it out...., posted by Noa on January 9, 2000, at 18:02:03
You'd never be able to pull the 'stunts' (meant with kindness) you do now. The ones that seem to end up making you feel more depressed; staying in all weekend and not keeping your place clean. You'd have a bit more money too, which you could maybe spend on housekeeping.
It couldn't be anyone similar to the people on babble-land. We'd understand you too well!
Would doing volunteer work on the week-end help?
You're right, being busy does help tremendously with depression. Extraversions seems to take me away from myself, but it doesn't come that naturally to me.
Very glad to hear your spirits are higher, Janice
Posted by Canadian Michele on January 9, 2000, at 23:41:57
In reply to Never made it out...., posted by Noa on January 9, 2000, at 18:02:03
> Did my weekend recluse thing again. Actually, I did get out to a friend's house last night, but spent all day yesterday and all day today in my apt. I, as usual, had hoped I would get some stuff done to prepare for the week (like wash some clothes, pay some bills, etc.) or planning something fun to do, get out and get a change of scenery, but have spent the entire time doing crossword puzzles, online and in some of the newspapers piled up in my living room. And, of course, checking in here at babble.
>
> I am disappointed at myself, feeling overwhelmed and discouraged about ever getting out of this mess (literally). I had this idea that now that I am not so depressed, I would start to get my life more organized.
>
> But I am not as depressed as I have gotten at times by staying in. I am in touch with knowing my mood will be better once I get busy.
>
> I guess my meds are working.I pried my ass loose and went to see this movie. Wow. Not a gentle ride but a good one. Noa are you familiar with an actor/writer named Quentin Crisp (The Naked Civil Servant). At any rate he died recently at age 90+ and he resided in the same flat in London for 40 years - he NEVER CLEANED IT. He said that,"after the 4th year the dust doesn't get any worse."
Michele
Posted by Abby on January 10, 2000, at 0:55:57
In reply to Make it out to see Magnolia - everybody!, posted by Canadian Michele on January 9, 2000, at 23:41:57
>
> I pried my ass loose and went to see this movie. Wow. Not a gentle ride but a good one. Noa are you familiar with an actor/writer named Quentin Crisp (The Naked Civil Servant). At any rate he died recently at age 90+ and he resided in the same flat in London for 40 years - he NEVER CLEANED IT. He said that,"after the 4th year the dust doesn't get any worse."
>
> Michele
I read an appreciation of his life in the Times of London by Libby Purves. I believed that he lived in New York, although he was touring Britain when he died. He was beaten up too many times in London, because he was so flamboyant.
Everyone in NY was odd. So, he would fit right in. I think he had little more than a bedsit.
Posted by Noa on January 10, 2000, at 2:01:24
In reply to Re: Michele--Quentin Crisp, posted by Abby on January 10, 2000, at 0:55:57
Hi, thanks for responding.
Roommate: although having someone around might be good, I don't think a roommate is the answer for me.
Volunteer work: YES. I have done this sometimes. I go to a public hospital, one with woefully inadequate resources, and play with the children. It is very fullfilling. I did ask myself at one point today why I hadn't thought of going there this weekend. I need to keep it in mind more.
LOL about Quentin Crisp. I had heard the name, but didn't know anything about him.
Posted by dj on January 10, 2000, at 3:08:48
In reply to Make it out to see Magnolia - everybody!, posted by Canadian Michele on January 9, 2000, at 23:41:57
> an actor/writer named Quentin Crisp (The Naked Civil Servant
I don't know that I would recommend that someone check out Magnolia if they were too far in the pits, the humour might just be a bit too black for some states of mind. ToyStory2, The Iron Giant, Liberty Heights or James Bond might be more uplifting when in deep despair.
However, if in the right frame of reference it is an interesting and out there film. Tom Cruise is amazing. Interestingly I've been trying to figure out who the snotty, white haired gay guy is in the bar scene. Though it wasn't Quentin Crisp he did have his look. Any idea who that was?
Posted by Cn Michele on January 10, 2000, at 11:56:15
In reply to Re: Magnolia - & QC..., posted by dj on January 10, 2000, at 3:08:48
> > an actor/writer named Quentin Crisp (The Naked Civil Servant
>
> I don't know that I would recommend that someone check out Magnolia if they were too far in the pits, the humour might just be a bit too black for some states of mind. ToyStory2, The Iron Giant, Liberty Heights or James Bond might be more uplifting when in deep despair.
>
> However, if in the right frame of reference it is an interesting and out there film. Tom Cruise is amazing. Interestingly I've been trying to figure out who the snotty, white haired gay guy is in the bar scene. Though it wasn't Quentin Crisp he did have his look. Any idea who that was?He used to be on 'Laugh In' with Goldie Hawn and all those guys. If I was real industrious this a.m. I would look him up on the net here. He did stand-up as well way back when.
Name illudes me tho. Super film eh (canadianism) for mainstream Hollywood?!Michele
Posted by torchgrl on January 10, 2000, at 16:11:49
In reply to Never made it out...., posted by Noa on January 9, 2000, at 18:02:03
Hey, Noa, I did the same thing, only made it from Friday night all the way to this morning. I did manage to get rid of some of the newspapers, and partially clean the bathroom, but basically just watched TV the whole time. And I don't even have cable :( I really identify with the mess thing, though. And having a roommate never helped me--I was just a shut in in my bedroom, never came out, and the mess was just more localised... Actually, it made me feel worse, because I could watch her leading her life normally, and it kind of rubbed it in that I couldn't do the same thing. I think that's one reason I don't go out much any more--seeing/being with other people focusses me more on my...issues.
Posted by Noa on January 10, 2000, at 17:39:19
In reply to Re: Never made it out...., posted by torchgrl on January 10, 2000, at 16:11:49
Torchgirl, I have done the total weekend in thing many times. It is pretty good that you got rid of some papers and cleaned a little. Tell me, when you were in all weekend, did it feel good or bad or mixed? What effect does the staying in have on your mood?
Posted by Janice on January 10, 2000, at 18:56:39
In reply to Re: Never made it out...., posted by Noa on January 10, 2000, at 17:39:19
Hi Noa,
When I look back now on my periods of when I didn't leave the house all week-end, I don't really see this time in my life as if I had very many choices. When I didn't leave the house, it was because I couldn't leave the house.
I started to get out of this habit by making an appointment every Saturday morning for a shiatsu massage. I love massages...and even back then, more than staying in bed. Often after the massage, I'd only do things I wanted to. I'd indulge my impulses. After this I would usually come home and go back to bed.
Every Sunday, my cousins, friends and I would meet for brunch at a restaurant, and catch up on each other's lives and gossip. When I was out, I would even enjoy myself.
But mostly Noa, Dexedrine is responsible for 80% of my improvement. Dexedrine gave me the power to change my life. Making changes became so easy they were impossible not to make.
When it's hard to get out of bed or take care of yourself, it's gotta be a medical problem.
Janice.
a few more ideas;
plan fun things, or things you love to do Saturday and Sunday mornings.
Don't expect, plan or even attempt to do housework or any other drudgery type of work on the week-end.
If you decide to do volunteer work, make it like a job and be there at a certain time.
Join a Depression group, share your story and maybe someone there could give you some physical type support.
I know I've contradicted myself; telling you I couldn't help it, but that I (like you) hated my predictament and continued to struggle like crazy, and then, in the end, it was a medication that finally kept me out of bed. Nothing is wrong with staying in all week-end or not cleaning your place unless it bothers you. take care, Janice
Posted by torchgrl on January 11, 2000, at 0:45:12
In reply to Re: Never made it out...., posted by Noa on January 10, 2000, at 17:39:19
It depends... I think I tend to stay in because the world and other people have become overwhelming, and staying in my apt. completely zoned out on TV is the only way I can defend against it. I spent most of last summer that way, only without even the minor cleaning, just non-stop TV to keep me from thinking. A couple of weeks after I started the rebox. study, I managed to drag myself out for the first time in about 5 months (previously, I'd been out at least 3 times a week!), and was managing about once a week until around xmas, when I just started feeling overwhelmed again by other people. I think it's just their ability to function, and create lives for themselves, which just focusses me more intensely on my incredible lack of function/life, to the point where I just have to run and hide because I feel so helpless against it. Plus I've got a decent case of social anxiety to begin with, so that helps not a bit.
If I don't have the TV to numb me a bit, though, so I start to think, or if I accidentally find myself watching something with emotional content, the staying in brings me down. The last movie I saw (Being John Malkovich--excellent!) I went to because I woke up and had a complete anxiety attack about being completely alone and a shut-in, and practically ran out the door to escape--note, I escaped to the movies, so I didn't really have to deal with people. I can't believe I'm the same person whose life a year ago revolved around the pub... Not that I was particularly happy then, but at least I left the house.
P.S. I think it was primarily the increasing urgency of getting someone in to repair the shower wall that prompted me to do ANY cleaning--I really had to force it. And my suitcase is still in the living room.
Posted by Noa on January 11, 2000, at 7:02:30
In reply to Re: Never made it out...., posted by torchgrl on January 11, 2000, at 0:45:12
Torchgirl, I can relate to feeling overwhelmed. I don't think I am as anxious about being around people as you are, but sometimes the idea of being in public bothers me, especially in crowded places. Sometimes it is the multi-step process of doing errands that overwhelms me. Sometimes it is simply feeling too lazy to shower and dress. Perhaps lazy is not exactly the right word. Sometimes I feel "Why bother?".
My reclusiveness started when I had apnea, which made me so sleepy all the time. I would muster up any and all energy for work, and then on the weekends would sleep all the time, although of course the sleep was not proper sleep at all. Then, since getting my cpap machine, I was less tired, but had become so used to being reclusive on the weekends, it was like I forgot how to go out. I also had four years of disintegrating connections with friends, not making new friends, not building a network of people to go out and see. Now I am doing that part of it bit by bit, but sometimes I forget to make plans, or feel lonely that no one else has initiated plans. Sometimes I go out and keep myself busy, but feel kind of lonely doing it. Once in a while I do some volunteer work, and that feels good.
As for the messy apartment, I also have a problem that needs fixing--my bathroom sink faucet is running. It seems the washers were worn, and so I was squeeaing the taps closed tighter and tighter to stop the running water, and poof! the cold tap came out of its threads so now it doesn't go on or off. So there is a constant running of water and it is driving me nuts. But until I get this place in a minimum of order, I can't let the repair guy in here.
Posted by juniper on January 13, 2000, at 0:07:34
In reply to Re: Never made it out...., posted by Noa on January 10, 2000, at 17:39:19
i know that this thread lost its thrust a while ago, but noa asked a question that i find particularly interesting: how does it feel to stay in all weekend? what affect does this have on your mood?
i've done the weekend thing more times than i can, or care to, remember. each time i tell myself that i will write or read or study or do something crafty/creative, but each weekend passes with very little written, read, studied, or created. my last position for my job had me working at a residential base with juvenile delinquents. i also lived on the base (alone) in a small one room cabin. no one really knew i was there--i had created a new dimension for myself and kinda liked the secrecy. i could have called or e-mailed or written friends (though none lived in the state where i was working), i could have accepted invitations or made a few of my own. but i didn't. i'd go to work, come home, and most of the time fall into an escapism sleep. i also quite taking my effexor, so i am sure that this had something to do with things...but the recluse was lonely, and sad, and despondent. it was, in retrospect (ahhh, retrospect) a very unhealthy situation for me.
that said, weeks before i took a backpacking trip by myself for the first time. 6 days alone...but the company i kept, myself, nature, was more than enough. i had worried that this may not be good for me, but i had an amazing and beautiful time.
scenery cannot be discounted.
however, i know that i decline many opportunities to go out, and i hardly ever initiate. invitations that seem like a good thing at the time become burdening when it is time to take a shower and go out. but, when i go out with friends i usually have a nice time, feel better about myself, and laugh. i know, the way you just sometimes know, that this is good for my psyche. of course, i have to be careful of whom i go out with, and where we go. there have been times at bars where i have had panic attacks, or less severe reactions where i just take in the whole scene and am disgusted by it. yuppies drinking and (pardon my crudity) trying to get laid. sometimes i just want to say to that drunk guy who is hitting on me: do you know that there are days that being awake hurts? that there are days that i do not get out of bed because i am afraid of myself and my emotions once i leave that comfort? do you get that at all?
so. that's quite a ramble. overall though when i venture out with friends i feel better about myself and my relationship to others.anyone else?
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Medication | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.